Episode 8 Double Trouble

Summary of the week before: Zach has arrived at ExShell and is about to meet with BB Star.

I materialized into BB's office and immediately checked myself out to make certain that everything was where it should be. There are a lot of urban myths about materialization accidents that people like to tell. I seemed intact this time and I subconsciously breathed a sigh of relief as I checked out my surroundings.

As I have stated before, I am not one who is easily impressed but I have to admit that the sight of BB's digs made my jaw drop like a politician's approval rating at tax time. Larger than most houses (and more than a few football stadiums), BB's office went beyond plush, way past gaudy and right to the I-don't-care-how-it-looks-it's-damn-expensive end of the scale. Without the aid of a telescope, I could just barely see the lady herself sitting at her desk on the side of the prefabricated river that ran through the office. (I told you the room was big.)

The gorilla thug who had attacked me at my office earlier in the day rolled up to me in a golf cart. "I'm here to drive you to Ms. Star's desk," he said.

I hopped off the tele-pad and adjusted my sleeves. "No thanks," I told him, "I never take rides from strangers, thugs who have tried to kill me or people with poor personal hygiene. Congratulations, by the way, you're the first person to qualify in all three categories."

"Thanks," he said.

"Tell Ms. Star that I'll walk, thank you. How many time zones away is she?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind," I said as I began walking. "Send me e-mail when you get that last insult."

I was a hundred yards away when I heard him say aloud: "What do you mean, poor personal hygiene?"

Good help must be seriously hard to find these days.

I walked what seemed to be nearly 1/2 a K to the river that separated BB from the rest of office. The great lady sat at her desk on the other side working intently on something or other and never bothering to look up. Her entire desktop was a full-screen computer with a dozen or so windows showing her everything from today's stock prices to the latest episode of the soap opera, All My Clones. I wasn't surprised to see Goatee and Man Mountain standing behind her. If my old landlord, tax officer, and date from the senior prom had been there we could have had an official meeting of the I-Tried-to-Kill-Zach-Club.. A smaller man in a suit stood behind BB as well. This guy worried me a bit. He didn't seem dangerous or anything, I just have this unnatural fear of small guys in suits.

I cleared my throat and BB looked up from her work.

"Zach," her smile was devastatingly warm, "how nice of you to come on such short notice. Bridge."

At her verbal command, a bridge across the river lowered from the ceiling.

"I have to admit I was intrigued by your offer," I said as I crossed.

"Chair," she ordered.

A chair popped from the floor in front of her desk.

"Please, make yourself comfortable," she said, motioning to the chair with her incredibly blue eyes.

I sat. "Nice office," I said, trying to sound complimentary but not overly impressed.

"It's humble, but I call it home."

"You could practice driving in this office."

"I would not know. I am not a golfer," she said.

"Who's talking about golf?"

"Ah yes," she said with a polite (yet ever so fake laugh) "very amusing." She paused for a moment and I knew that the small talk was finished. "I have a problem, Zach, a problem that calls for your unique services."

"People don't call me unless they have a problem, Ms. Star," I said, "or want me to cause a problem for someone else."

There was a moment of awkward silence. I could hear the fish splash as they made their way upriver.

"I must admit," I said, "I'm flattered that somebody with your extensive resources would need me."

"Yes," she said, "this particular matter is one which must be handled by an outside source. A well-paid, discreet, outside source. This will not be something you will be able to add to your memoirs or your electronic comic book. And for Gate's sake, please keep it off the Sci Fi Channel Net Page."

"For the proper amount of compensation, I can live with that," I informed her.

With that, the small man in the suit leapt to his feet and zipped quickly around the big desk towards me. He shoved a computer-pad and light pen in front of my face.

"Please sign to that," he requested.

"You are a lawyer, I presume?" I said, pushing his hands away.

The guy backed up ever so slightly, a bit of fear on his face. "What makes you say that?" he said meekly.

"Gates, you don't have to be me to figure that one out. Everyone knows that ExShell and HTech employ most of the lawyers remaining from the Great Lawyer Purge."

"Well," he half smiled.

"Don't worry," I said, "I'm unarmed." I turned back to BB and gave her a cold stare. "But I don't sign anything until I know who or what I'm dealing with!"

BB countered my stare with a smile delicate as a summer breeze at dusk, and yet somehow powerful enough to melt titanium reinforced plexi-steel. It sent a megaton tingle up and down my spine. Still, I didn't let my eyes waver from hers. (It's never good to let potential clients know that they make you tingle.)

"You are as smart as they say," she said, breaking the silence.

"I'm smarter, actually" I replied with a bit of slyness to my voice. "I just don't let people know that unless they're paying for my services."

"I am afraid I cannot tell you what our problem is until you sign a non-disclosure form. I understand that this is out of the ordinary but I will gladly compensate you for your patience with me and raise your fee an additional twenty percent."

"Fine," I said as I grabbed the computer pad and pen from the lawyer and signed on the simulated dotted line. "It's worth signing just to find out what it is that you're so desperately trying to keep quiet."

I handed the computer back to the lawyer. He examined my signature for a moment then pressed the confirmation button.

"Signature confirmed," the computer said.

The lawyer nodded his okay to BB.

"We need you to find something," BB said.

"I hope you're going to be a little more specific?" I said.

"Let me rough him up, boss!" the goateed thug pleaded, moving towards me.

"Like you did so well the last time," I said calmly from my seat.

Goatee angrily lifted me from my chair, pulled me towards him and growled into my face. "I want to see how tough you are without your computer and your secretary. I bet the boss would like to see that too!"

I stood face to face with Goatee and put my best tough guy foot forward.

"Two words," I whispered into his hate-filled eyes, "breath mints."

Goatee seethed and turned towards BB. I looked towards her as well, hoping that she was going to stop this before it became ugly.

"His point is a valid one, Zach," she said.

"I thought you said there'd be no more tests?" I asked.

"I'm sure you know that it is a woman's prerogative to change her mind. And women as rich as I am are big in the prerogative department."

I broke Goatee's grip on my collar and turned away. "That's it," I said to BB, "I'm off this case."

"I told you boss," Goatee laughed, "he's nothing but an over-paid, over-rated, poorly dressed..."

I spun around in a flash and cut his diatribe short with a snap kick to the groin. He doubled over, lurched forward and looked up at me, thus presenting me with a target far too tempting to resist. I hit him with a left hook to the jaw that sent him backwards to the floor with a satisfying thud.

"Nobody calls me poorly dressed."

Instantly Gorilla and Man Mountain sprang towards me and I knew that this brouhaha was about to get seriously out of hand.

But then BB simply snapped her fingers and gave her two thugs a glare that stopped them dead in their tracks. As fierce as these guys thought themselves to be, they were lame pussy cats on their death beds compared to BB. I wasn't sure if this was a good or a bad thing in the long run but, in the short run it was definitely to my advantage because the thugs quietly slinked back to their positions behind BB's desk.

"It'll be a Mac day in DOS when I turn my back on a high-paying gig because some high-rent, low IQ thug who's beta enough to fall for the same move twice in one day threatens me," I growled.

I turned my attention back to BB. "I assume I passed your test again."

She smiled her affirmation to me.

"Good," I said as I sat back down. "The meter's running as of right now, so don't waste my time with any more games."

I leaned close and semi-snarled into those devastating blue eyes. "Now tell me what it is I'm looking for!"

"Computer, Holo-vid BB-2," BB said aloud.

"As you wish, Ma'am," a computer voice responded.

BB turned to me and it was clear that she didn't like saying this aloud.

"This," she said, "is what I want you to find."

The computer activated the playback system and the holographic life-sized image of a woman appeared between us. But it wasn't just any woman. It was BB herself.