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List of Animaniacs songs
Songs that have been played on Animaniacs​.
Contents
1Theme song
1.1Season 1
1.2Season 2
1.3Season 3-5
2Season 1
2.1The Monkey Song
2.2Yakko's World
2.3Yes, Brothers Warner We
2.4I am the Evil Pirate Captain Mel
2.5We Shall Run and We Shall Flee
2.6I am the Very Model of a Cartoon Individual
2.7Yakko's Universe
2.8The Etiquette Song
2.9What Are We?
2.10Humans Ain't What They Seem to Be
2.11The Warner's Lot Song
2.12Let the Anvils Ring
2.13Wakko's America
2.14Be Careful What You Eat
2.15Planets Song
2.16The Senses Song
2.17The Mary Tyler Dot Song
2.18Video Revue
2.19I'm Cute
2.20Dot's Quiet Time
2.21Schnitzelbank
3Season 2
3.1I'm Mad
4Season 3
4.1A Quake! A Quake!
4.2Variety Speak
4.3U.N. Me
4.4All The Words in the English Language
4.5The Presidents Song
4.6Multiplication
4.7Panama Canal
4.8Hello Nurse
4.9The Ballad of Magellan
4.10The Big Wrap Party Tonight
5Season 4
5.1Noel
5.2When You're Traveling from Nantucket
6Season 5
6.1Dot - The Macadamia Nut
6.2We're On Our Way to Go See Mister Plotz
6.3You Gotta Do the Schmooze
6.4There's Only One of You
6.5Variety Speak (Hooray for North Hollywood version)
6.6L.A. Dot
6.7It's New Year's Eve
Theme song​[​edit​]
Season 1[edit]
The Warners: It's time for Animaniacs. And we're zany to the max. So just sit back and relax. You'll laugh till you collapse. We're Animaniacs!
Yakko and Wakko: Come join the Warner Brothers.
Dot: And the Warner Sister Dot.
The Warners: Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot. They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught. But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot. We're Animaniacs! Dot is cute and Yakko yaks. Wakko packs away the snacks. While Bill Clinton plays the sax. We're Animaniacs! Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe. Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse. Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse. The writers flipped, We have no script, Why bother to rehearse?
All: We're Animaniacs! We have pay-or-play contracts! We're zany to the max, there's baloney in our slacks! We're Animanie! Totally insane-y!
[variable line; see the following section (example: Here's the show's name-y)]
The Warners: Animaniacs! Those are the facts!
Season 2[edit]
The Warners: It's time for Animaniacs. And we're zany to the max. So just sit back and relax. You'll laugh till you collapse. We're Animaniacs!
Yakko and Wakko: Come join the Warner Brothers.
Dot: And the Warner Sister Dot.
The Warners: Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot. They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught. But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot. We're Animaniacs! Dot is cute and Yakko yaks. Wakko packs away the snacks. We've got wisecracks by the stacks. We're Animaniacs! Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe. Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse. Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse. The writers flipped, We have no script, Why bother to rehearse?
All: We're Animaniacs! We have pay-or-play contracts! We're zany to the max, there's baloney in our slacks! We're Animanie! Totally insane-y!
[variable line; see the following section (example: Here's the show's name-y)]
The Warners: Animaniacs! Those are the facts!
Season 3-5[edit]
The Warners: It's time for Animaniacs. And we're zany to the max. So just sit back and relax. You'll laugh till you collapse. We're Animaniacs!
Yakko and Wakko: Come join the Warner Brothers.
Dot: And the Warner Sister Dot.
The Warners: Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot. They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught. But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot. We're Animaniacs! Dot is cute and Yakko yaks. Wakko packs away the snacks. We pay tons of income tax. We're Animaniacs! Meet Ralph and Dr. Scratchansniff, say hi to Hello Nurse. Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse. Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse. The writers flipped, We have no script, Why bother to rehearse?
All: We're Animaniacs! We have pay-or-play contracts! We're zany to the max, there's baloney in our slacks! We're Animanie! Totally insane-y!
[variable line; see the following section (example: Here's the show's name-y)]
The Warners: Animaniacs! Those are the facts!
Season 1[edit]
The Monkey Song​[​edit​]
Dr. Scratchansniff​: One Monday morning, I got up late and there were these monkeys outside the gate. The guard tried to stop them but he had no luck. The monkeys got free and they run amok. I dunno what to say, the monkeys won't do.
The Warners: Dunno know what to say, the monkeys won't do.
Dr. Scratchansniff​: I dunno what to say, the monkeys won't do.
The Warners: Dunno know what to say, the monkeys won't do.
Dr. Scratchansniff​: My office was run by the studio nurse. I came downstairs and what could be worse? The monkeys was doing a crazy dance. They put buggies in my underpants. I dunno what to say, the monkeys won't do.
The Warners: Dunno know what to say, the monkeys won't do.
Dr. Scratchasniff​: Monkeys dance, then I dance, too.
The Warners: Dunno know what to say, the monkeys won't do.
Dr. Scratchansniff​: I ran outside to get a stick, but I'm telling you, friends, those monkeys was quick, 'cause when I returned, much to my disgrace, those monkeys had the nurse in a mad embrace!
Hello Nurse: I dunno what to say, the monkeys won't do.
Yakko: For a nickel, I'll give you a clue.
Dot: I didn't know your eyes were blue.
Dr. Scratchansniff​: I dunno what to say, the monkeys won't do.
Marita Hippo: Yessir, woo!! Flavio Hippo: Aw, play dat thing!
[instrumental break]
Dr. Scratchansniff​: I went to me bath for a shower and shave. Them monkeys going to put me into my grave! The entire bathroom was laid to waste and they shaved my head with minty toothpaste! I dunno know what to say, the monkeys won't do.
The Warners: Dunno know what to say, the monkeys won't do.
Dr. Scratchansniff​: They's crazy nutso! I'm tellin' you!
The Warners: Dunno know what to say, the monkeys won't do.
Dr. Scratchasniff​: Well, by this time, I was feelin' dread. They was using a shoebrush to shine me head. I asked them to leave, but they stayed around. They pulled the chain, and, WHEE, I went down! I dunno what to say, the monkeys won't do.
The Warners: Dunno know what to say, the monkeys won't do.
Dr. Scratchasniff​: Call my lawyer! I'm ready to sue!
The Warners: Dunno know what to say, the monkeys won't do.
[Dr. Scratchansniff screams]
Marita Hippo: Yessir, brother!
[instrumental break and chase sequence]
Dr. Scratchansniff​: Well, me patience ran out and I'm telling you sure, tomorrow, I show those monkeys the door! And if they don't leave, I'm inviting you to my house for dumplings and monkey stew! I don't know what to say, the monkeys won't do.
The Warners: Dunno know what to say, the monkeys won't do.
Dr. Scratchasniff​: Now I'm in the stew, oh pooh.
The Warners: Dunno know what to say, the monkeys won't do.
Dr. Scratchansniff​: Watch out for monkeys! I'm telling you!
The Hip Hippos and The Warners: Don't know what to say, the monkeys won't do.
The Warners: We're not monkeys, we're just cuckoo!
All: Dunno what to say! The Warners won't do!
Yakko's World​[​edit​]
Yakko: United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama, Haiti, Jamaica, Peru, Republic Dominican, Cuba, Caribbean, Greenland, El Salvador, too. Puerto Rico, Colombia, Venezuela, Honduras, Guyana, and still, Guatemala, Bolivia, then Argentina, And Ecuador, Chile, Brazil. Costa Rica, Belize, Nicaragua, Bermuda, Bahamas, Tobago, San Juan, Paraguay, Uruguay, Suriname, And French Guiana, Barbados, and Guam. Norway, and Sweden, and Iceland, and Finland, And Germany, now in one piece, Switzerland, Austria, Czechoslovakia, Italy, Turkey, and Greece. Poland, Romania, Scotland, Albania, Ireland, Russia, Oman, Bulgaria, Saudi Arabia, Hungary, Cyprus, Iraq, and Iran. There's Syria, Lebanon, Israel, Jordan, Both Yemens, Kuwait, and Bahrain, The Netherlands, Luxembourg, Belgium, and Portugal, France, England, Denmark, and Spain. India, Pakistan, Burma, Afghanistan, Thailand, Nepal, and Bhutan, Kampuchea, Malaysia, then Bangladesh, Asia, And China, Korea, Japan. Mongolia, Laos, and Tibet, Indonesia, The Philippine Islands, Taiwan, Sri Lanka, New Guinea, Sumatra, New Zealand, Then Borneo, and Vietnam. Tunisia, Morocco, Uganda, Angola, Zimbabwe, Djibouti, Botswana, Mozambique, Zambia, Swaziland, Gambia, Guinea, Algeria, Ghana. Burundi, Lesotho, and Malawi, Togo, The Spanish Sahara is gone, Niger, Nigeria, Chad, and Liberia, Egypt, Benin, and Gabon. Tanzania, Somalia, Kenya, and Mali, Sierra Leone, and Algiers, Dahomey, Namibia, Senegal, Libya, Cameroon, Congo, Zaire. Ethiopia, Guinea-Bissau, Madagascar, Rwanda, Maore and Cayman, Hong Kong, Abu Dhabi, Qatar, Yugoslavia... Crete, Mauritania, then Transylvania, Monaco, Liechtenstein, Malta, and Palestine, Fiji, Australia, Sudan!
Yes, Brothers Warner We[edit]
The Warners: We surf the sea, The Warners we three be, to catch a gaze of a beach to get some rays. We'll never sink. Our board's not what you think. It's got a tail, in fact, it is a whale!
Yakko and Wakko: Yes, Brothers Warner we!
Dot: And the Warner sister.
Yakko: You'd like it if you kissed her.
The Warners: We surfed the seven seas, now it's time to catch some z's. HEY!
I am the Evil Pirate Captain Mel[edit]
Mel: I am the evil pirate, Captain Mel,
Crewmen​: And a really evil pirate's, too.
Mel: You are very, very kind. I'm an evil mastermind, and I'll do cruel things to you.
Crewmen​: We are very, very kind. He's an evil mastermind, and he'll do cruel things to you.
Mel: I'll kick you in the knee, poke your eye so you can't see, and hit you with my sword. Though I be a pirate swine, I have to draw the line. So I will not push you overboard.
Crewmen​: Whatever!
Mel: No, never!
Crewman​: Whatever!
Mel: Hardly ever! [laughs]
We Shall Run and We Shall Flee​[​edit​]
The Warners: Gosh we're scared, oh gosh, we're frightened cause our itty bitty new friend has his teeny weeny brain all set on blowing us to bits oh how horrible, deplorable, this really is the pits!
The Warners and Mel: We should run and we should flee, then where would our story be? This could spell the bitter end.
Mel: For animated kids like them!
Yakko: For the oldest Warner brother!
Dot: And his pretty Warner sister!
Wakko: And the other Warner brother!
Mel: Their small lives I will smother! They should run and they should flee then where would this story be? This... [notices that the Warners are gone, and stops the song]
I am the Very Model of a Cartoon Individual​[​edit​]
Yakko: I am the very model of a cartoon individual, my animation's comical, unusual and whimsical. I'm quite adept at funny gags, comedic theory I have read, from wicked puns and stupid jokes to anvils that drop on your head. I'm very good at fancy dances, I can even pirouette, then smack the villain with a fish. I know my cartoon etiquette. I can make my face all mean and really give you quite a fright, then make up with flowers made of real explosive dynamite. When in a jam, I just yell, "Stop!" and villains in their tracks are froze, then I sneak up, and utter "Start!" and take their hands and honk their nose. I am quite proud to be in such a hierarch'al progeny, from Daffy Duck and Tweety Bird to Babs and Buster Bunny. To suit my mood, I can call forth a lot of different sceneries, like outer space and desert scapes and Himalayan eateries. From this bag here, why, I can pull most anything imaginable like office desks and lava lights and Bert who is a cannibal.
The Warners: You see in matters comical, unusual and whimsical, we are the very model of cartoon individuals!
Yakko's Universe​[​edit​]
Yakko: Everybody lives on a street in a city. Or a village or a town for what it's worth. And they're all inside a country which is part of a continent. That sits upon a planet known as Earth. And the Earth is a ball full of oceans and some mountains. Which is out there spinning silently in space. And living on that Earth are the plants and the animals. And also the entire human race. It's a great big universe. And we're all really puny. We're just tiny little specks. About the size of Mickey Rooney. It's big and black and inky. And we are small and dinky. It's a big universe and we're not. And we're part of a vast interplanetary system. Stretching seven hundred billion miles long. With nine planets and a sun; we think the Earth's the only one. That has life on it, although we could be wrong. Across the interstellar voids are a billion asteroids. Including meteors and Halley's Comet too. And there's over fifty moons floating out there like balloons. In a panoramic trillion-mile view. And still it's all a speck amid a hundred billion stars. In a galaxy we call the Milky Way. It's sixty thousand trillion miles from one end to the other. And still that's just a fraction of the way. 'Cause there's a hundred billion galaxies that stretch across the sky. Filled with constellations, planets, moons and stars. And still the universe extends to a place that never ends. Which is maybe just inside a little jar!
The Warners: It's a great big universe. And we're all really puny, we're just tiny little specks. About the size of Mickey Rooney. Though we don't know how it got here. We're an important part here. It's a big universe and it's ours!
The Etiquette Song​[​edit​]
Yakko: When you walk into a party it's a formal universe.
Dr. Scratchansniff​: Ja!
The Warners: So you jump up on your host and with a kiss say "Hello, Nurse!"
Dr. Scratchansniff​: No!
Yakko: Remember that good diction reflects so well on you.
Dr. Scratchansniff​: Ja!
The Warners: So practice all your vowel sounds By saying "AEIOUUUUU"!
Dr. Scratchansniff​: No!
Yakko: To use the right utensil is one of etiquette's demands.
Dr. Scratchansniff​: Uuuuuggghhhh.
The Warners: So we recommend you throw them out and eat with your hands!
Dot: A salad fork.
Yakko: A dinner fork.
Wakko: A butter knife.
The Warners: A water glass.
Dot: A soup spoon.
Yakko: A dinner knife.
Wakko: A fork for eating pickled bass.
The Warners: An oyster fork, dessert spoon, a napkin, and a finger bowl, a dinner spoon, a salad knife, a bread plate for your dinner roll! We've heard the rules you need to know to make that social climb but we'd rather spend our energy on having a good time!
What Are We?​[​edit​]
Wakko: Maybe we are dogs, cute little dogs with ears. Woof woof! And little tails that we can wag. Hey! Let's go fetch his slippers and play tag!
Dr. Scratchansniff​: Hey, get off of me!
Dot: Maybe I'm a cat. Whadaya think of that? A lovely cat that all the world adores. And here's my kitty paws with little kitty claws, which I like to sharpen on your couch.
Dr. Scratchansniff​: Ahhh! That's not funny!
Yakko: Maybe I'm a bunny hopping 'round here happy as I please. Or penguins and it's cold, which makes you sneeze. [Dr. Scratchasniff sneezes] I've got it! Of course! Maybe I'm a horse. I can live on oats and hay and laugh and run and jump and play and you can ride on me all day!
Dr. Scratchansniff​: No way!
Dot and Fifi: Hey, maybe we are skunks.
Dr. Scratchansniff​: Oh, boy, you really stink!
Yakko: A dinosaur might be some fun.
Dr. Scratchansniff​: But then you'd be extinct!
Dot: Maybe we're all insects.
Wakko: Do you like bugs and bees?
Dr. Scratchansniff​: You kids are buggy in the head!
Yakko: Maybe we're giant fleas.
Dot: Maybe an electric eel.
Wakko: Or seal.
Dot: Get real! Hey, wait a minute, I got it now!
Dr. Scratchansniff​: You do?
Dot: Yes I do!
The Warners: We're not bees and we're not cats or bugs or horses or things like that. What we are is clear and absolute. What we are, dear doctor.
Dot: Is cute!
Dr. Scratchansniff​: I'm sorry I asked.
Humans Ain't What They Seem to Be[edit]
Rita: What's a human good for, anyway?
Runt: They pet you when they're sad.
Rita: They smack you when you're bad.
Runt: When you're hungry they definitely feed you.
Rita: Yeah, on vacation they leave you with hardly no food. Ring a bell, dude? Exactly my point. Humans Ain't What They Seem to Be. They don't mean that much to me. No, not much at all. When you're little and tiny they pet your cute hiney, but then when you grow it's a simple no-show it's "shoo shoo off this" and "don't you dare scratch on that". If they call you at all it's always "dumb cat". Humans Ain't What They Seem to Be. They don't mean that much to me. No, not much at all but when it's all dark and quiet I try hard to fight it. But I dream of home then I won't have to roam. Someone to feed me and put me to bed and scratch me just so on top of my head but I ain't gonna love 'em. Not gonna answer that call 'cause Humans don't mean that much to me. No, not much at all.
The Warner's Lot Song​[​edit​]
Singer: Just listen up and you'll hear a tale, a tale of the Warner three! Went on the water tower, they did try to flee! They shot into the puffy clouds, some seeds to make it rain and rain it did so much in fact the tower floated away! All around L.A.! When the rain dried up, the tower was aground on the Burbank lot, the Warner Brothers then escaped with their sister, Dot! And they took off like a shot! Now, they're being chased around the Warner Studio. By Scratchansniff and Hello Nurse, the CEO, Ralph the Guard, some movie stars, the Professor and Mary Ann on the Warner's Lot!
Let the Anvils Ring​[​edit​]
Yakko: Let us introduce ourselves, o people of this land.
Wakko: We are the Warner brothers...
Dot: With sister close at hand.
Yakko: I bet you all are wondering who is this young unknown? And why am I inheriting the Anvilanian throne?
Men: Yes, why?
Women: Yes, why?
Crowd: Oh, please, please tell us why.
Yakko: The bottom of the family tree. Starts with Yakko; that is me. I'm the cousin to the sister of son's niece's brother, of the uncle's daughter's father, of the nephew's sister's mother, and my grandpa's only cousin was the King's daughter's sibling, but they're all gone. So that is why, I am now your king!
Crowd: He is now our king!
Yakko: Yes, I am now your king! Repeat what I just said!
Crowd: Repeat what I just said!
Yakko: And let the anvils ring!
[anvil instrumental break with Anvil Chorus]
The Warners: [to the tune of Old McDonald] Old King Yakko's mania [anvils play "E-I-E-I-O"] Was for Anvilania! [anvils play "E-I-E-I-O"]
Yakko: So good citizens, I pledge to you, I'll do the best that I can do. For honor, country and the king... Let the anvils ring!
Crowd: Let the anvils ring!
Yakko: Let the anvils ring!
Chorus: Let the anvils ring!
Wakko's America​[​edit​]
Wakko: Baton Rouge, Louisiana, Indianapolis, Indiana, and Columbus is the capital of Ohio, there's Montgomery, Alabama, south of Helena, Montana, then there's Denver, Colorado under Boise, Idaho. Texas has Austin, then we go north, to Massachusetts' Boston and Albany, New York. Tallahassee, Florida, and Washington, D.C., Santa Fe, New Mexico and Nashville, Tennessee. Elvis used to hang out there a lot, you know. Trenton's in New Jersey, north of Jefferson, Missouri, you've got Richmond in Virginia, South Dakota has Pierre, Harrisburg's in Pennsylvania, and Augusta's up in Maine, and here is Providence, Rhode Island next to Dover, Delaware. Concord, New Hampshire, just a quick jaunt. To Montpelier, which is up in Vermont. Hartford's in Connecticut, so pretty in the fall. And Kansas has Topeka, Minnesota has St. Paul. Juneau's in Alaska, and there's Lincoln in Nebraska, and it's Raleigh out in North Carolina, and then there's Madison, Wisconsin and Olympia in Washington, Phoenix, Arizona and Lansing, Michigan. Here's Honolulu, Hawaii's a joy, Jackson, Mississippi and Springfield, Illinois, South Carolina with Columbia down the way. And Annapolis in Maryland on Chesapeake Bay. They have wonderful clam chowder. Cheyenne is in Wyoming, and perhaps you'd make your home in, Salt Lake City out in Utah, where the buffalo roam. Atlanta's down in Georgia, and there's Bismarck, North Dakota,And you can live in Frankfort in your old Kentucky home. Salem in Oregon, from there we join. Little Rock in Arkansas, Iowa's got Des Moines, Sacramento, California, Oklahoma and its city, Charleston, West Virginia and Nevada, Carson City! That's all the capitals there are!
Be Careful What You Eat[edit]
Wakko: Hey! Let's get some ice cream!
Dot: How 'bout this one? "Pistachio Almond Fruit Fudge Butterscotch Delight".
Yakko: Ingredients: Zinc trisodium, aspartate, sorbitol and bisulfate, oxide beta carotene, lactic acid, carob bean, grade-A milk emulsified, malto-dextrine alkalide, silicon deoxylite, lots of sugar.
Wakko and Dot: Hey, alright!
Yakko: Calcified synthetic salt, artificial barley malt, glycerine and aspartate, folic acid.
Wakko: That tastes great!
The Warners: Monosodium glutamate, dehydrated calceinate, soybean oil, butter fat, caramel center.
Wakko: I'll eat that!
Yakko and Dot: Hooray for sugar, 'cause we love it! Chocolate chips, we want more of it! Cakes and ice cream! Want to shove it down our throats real fast!
Yakko: Here's a candy bar, you tried it?
Wakko: Hey, let's all see what's inside it!
Yakko: Gelatinized triglycerin, phosphate, soybean, lecithin, deoxylite tri-silicon, dipped in chocolate.
Wakko and Dot: Bring it on!
Yakko: Citrus enzymes, BHT, powdered milk.
Dot: Sounds good to me!
Yakko: Baking soda, carob gum, carbohydrates.
Wakko and Dot: Yummy-yum!
The Warners: Monosodium glutamate, zinc disodium algenate, whole grain flour, yeast and fat.
Wakko: Time to eat it! I'll do that!
The Warners: We like sweets a lot, so give us all you've got and we'll stuff 'em in our bodies 'til they make our insides rot!
Planets Song​[​edit​]
Yakko: It's time to tour the planets that make up our solar system. C'mon! The closest to the sun is the planet Mercury, next the shrouded planet Venus Is as cloudy as can be. The Earth is next; we call it home let's hope it stays that way, and then there's Mars; it's really red What more can I say? The gassy planet Jupiter's as big as planets come, then there's Saturn with its mighty rings made up of tiny crumbs. We travel on to Neptune, that's a gassy, freezing ball, and cold and tiny Pluto is the furthest one of all. Well, there you go. That's our solar system.
Wakko: You forgot Uranus.
Yakko: Goodnight, everybody!
The Senses Song​[​edit​]
Yakko: The sense of sight is what guides us right when we go out on walks.
Wakko: The sense of smell is the way to tell that you need to change your socks.
Dot: The sense of touch is what hurts so much when you bang your toe on the bed.
Yakko: The sense of hearing is something good, 'cause if a tree falls in the wood, would there be a sound? You bet there would, if it landed on top your head!
The Warners: Your head! If a tree lands on top of your head!
Wakko: The sense of taste affects your waist.
Yakko: Which makes five senses in all.
Dot: There's a sixth sense, too, but it's hard to explain. It's a psychic connection inside of your brain so you can understand people like Shirley MacLaine.
Yakko: Who wear crystals they bought in the mall!
The Warners: The mall! Who wear crystals they bought in the mall!
Yakko: And now, the other senses!
Dot: There are scents you can smell like cologne from Chanel or the scents of expensive perfume.
Yakko: There are scents of flowers we hope overpowers the kitty box next to your room.
Wakko: There's a sense of pride you have deep down inside.
Yakko: When you practice a sense of fair play.
Dot: There are dollars and cents that you pay at a toll.
Yakko: Or the census man who is taking a poll.
Wakko: And a sense of confusion we're out of control.
The Warners: And they really should take us away! Away! They really should take us away!
Dot: There's a sense of humor, a sense of doom, or a sense of awe, sense of timing.
Yakko: The sense of a word, a sense of absurd like trying to do all this rhyming!
Dot: There's incense.
Wakko: And horse sense.
Yakko: And common sense, it's true.
Dot: Sense of wonder, sense of beauty.
Wakko: Sense of honor, sense of duty.
Yakko: A sense of doubt, a sense of danger.
Dot: A sense of fear when you meet a stranger.
Wakko: A sense of style, a sense of worth.
Yakko: A sense of direction for knowing the earth.
The Warners: A sense of dread as we're singing this song that it's starting to turn out completely all wrong and it's time that we end it because it's too long! 'Cause it just doesn't make any sense! Nonsense! This song doesn't make any sense!
The Mary Tyler Dot Song​[​edit​]
The Warners: Who can turn the stove on with her smile? Who can take a bubble bath, and suddenly fill it with crocodiles? 'Cause it's you, Dot! And you should know it! Put nitro on a bridge go ahead and blow it! Mud is all around, I guess it's spring. Name another crooner other than Bing. Don't throw your hat up in the air! 'Cause what might come down is a Frigidaire! Dot!
Video Revue​[​edit​]
Yakko: Hey, look at this store!
Wakko: There's movies galore!
Dot: We've seen them a thousand times over before!
The Warners: And that's why our brains don't work anymore!
Yakko: The Player is a movie about finding fresh new scripts, like Rambo III and Rocky V and Star Trek Number VI.
Dot: Eva toured with Zsa Zsa and they formed a sister act, but both were Unforgiven because neither one could act.
Wakko: The Hand That Rocked the Cradle once belonged to Hook, you see, but it got bored, and so it joined The Addams Family.
Yakko: Amadeus was a genius, Beethoven was a dog, The Muppet Family Christmas is about a pig and frog.
Dot: There was a sled named "Rosebud" and a citizen named "Kane," he rode 'til the snow was melted, now he's Singin' in the Rain.
Wakko: The Princess Bride got married to the handsome Prince of Tides, which now makes her dad, The Fisher King the Father of the Bride.
The Warners: And pretty soon, you'll see them all inside the TV Guide. Along with all the stars you like to see!
Dot: Like Hitchcock and Spielberg and Oliver Stone...
Yakko: Shirley MacLaine and Sylvester Stallone...
Wakko: Francis Ford Coppola, Hepburn and Tracy...
Dot: Robert Zemeckis and Martin Scorsese...
Yakko: Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, Woody Allen and Mia...
Wakko: Robert DeNiro and Andy Garcia...
Dot: Sophia Loren, Barbra Streisand, Joan Crawford...
Yakko: Paul Newman, Rock Hudson, Spike Lee, Peter Lawford...
The Warners: Jack Nicholson, Brando and Marilyn Monroe.... And...that's all the people we know!
[reprise]
All: We're glad the dinosaur is gone, he was an easy mark. But if we ever miss him, we can rent Jurassic Park. So when it comes to clunkers like The Babe or like Presidio...
The Warners: Don't pay $7.50. Just catch 'em on home video. As for us, it's bye-bye time, so long and toodle-oo! We've had quite enough of this...
All: Video revue!
I'm Cute​[​edit​]
Dot: I'm cute, yes, it's true. I really can't help it, but what can I do? When you're cute, it just shows with these two darling eyes and this cute little nose. And a pretty pink dress that's adorable, yes, and when they see my dimples then everyone says.
Crowd: Aw, shoot! Isn't she cute?!
Yakko and Wakko: Cute, cute, oh, isn't she cute? Cute, cute!
Dot: I'm the one they adore. I'm sweet and I'm cuddly and small just like Dudley but more! It's a chore! To be constantly cute and enchanting to boot. With my lips sticking out in a cute little pout, then there just is no doubt why the guys like to shout.
Yakko and Wakko: She's a beaut!
Dot: Let's face it, I'm cute!
Yakko and Wakko: Cute, cute, oh, baby, she's cute! Cute, cute!
Dot: Being cute's a thing you can't hide. If you look up the word in a book, there's my picture inside. TV Guide has me on the cover.
Yakko and Wakko: Don't you just love her?
Dot: I'm simply a goddess.
Yakko: And isn't she modest?
Dot: I'm the answer to one of the questions in Trivial Pursuit for "Who's the most cute".
Yakko and Wakko: Cute, cute, oh, isn't she cute? Cute, cute.
Dot: I'm cute and I'm sweet and I'm innocent, neat, and so trusting.
Yakko and Wakko: If you want our opinion, this song is becoming disgusting.
Dot: I'm cute.
Yakko and Wakko: So what?
Dot: I never am vain.
Yakko: She's becoming a pain in the—
Dot: But I'm also real nice. I'm a doll through and through.
Yakko and Wakko: So big whoop-de-doo.
Dot: I'm sweet and adoring.
Yakko and Wakko: And also real boring and that's why we're snoring at you.
Dot: That's it! You've ruined my entire cute song! I am angry! I am furious! I AM ENRAGED! I HAVE HAD IT!
Yakko: You're awfully cute when you're angry!
Dot: You really think so?!
The Warners: A babba dabba babba doo wow!
Yakko and Wakko: She's cute!
Dot's Quiet Time​[​edit​]
Dot: Quiet! All I want is quiet, no reason to deny it, I can't take that riot, Quiet! QUIET! QUIET!!! Let me clarify it, the noise, I can't defy it, I simply will not buy it. Give me quiet! QUIET! QUIET!!! Not to nullify it, I just won't stand by it. It's time now to bye-bye it. I want Quiet! QUIET! QUIET! [Beethoven's Sixth Symphony plays] QUIET! I want quiet! QUIET! QUIET! This search I can't deny it to find some peace and quiet. I'll search both low and high, it must be quiet! QUIET! QUIET! [Tranquil music plays followed by silence] Gee, it's so quiet. Too quiet. Terribly quiet. Awfully quiet...​[screams] I thought I wanted quiet, I thought I could apply it, but now that I have tried it I'm sick and tired of quiet! [rock version of the theme song plays]
Schnitzelbank​[​edit​]
Otto: Ist das nicht ein piece of chalk?
The Warners: Ja, das ist ein piece of chalk.
Otto: Ist das nicht ein key and lock?
The Warners: Ja, das ist ein key and lock.
All: Piece of chalk, key and lock. Oh, du schöne, oh, du schöne, Oh, du schöne schnitzelbank!
Yakko: Are we having fun yet?
Otto: Ist das nicht ein cuckoo clock?
The Warners: Ja, das ist ein cuckoo clock.
Otto: Does it nicht go tick-tick-tock?
The Warners: Ja, it does go tick-tick-tock.
All: Cuckoo clock, tick-tick-tock, piece of chalk, key and lock. Oh, du schöne, oh, du schöne, oh, du schöne schnitzelbank!
Otto: You see, it's a very easy song. Would you like to try?
Yakko: Oh, gee, professor, that'd be great! What should I sing about?
Otto: Anything that you want. The secret is to just have fun, okay?
Yakko: Okay! Ist das nicht ein piece of bread?
Otto, Wakko and Dot: Ja, das ist ein piece of bread.
Yakko: Does it fit in Wakko's head?
Otto, Wakko and Dot: Ja, it fits in Wakko's head.
Yakko: Piece of bread, Wakko's head.
All: Oh, du schöne, oh, du schöne, oh, du schöne schnitzelbank!
Dot: Here, let me try! Is he not a cute man this?
Yakko and Wakko: Ja, he is a cute man this.
Dot: Ist das nicht ein great big kiss?
Yakko and Wakko: Ja, das ist ein great big kiss.
The Warners: Cute man this, great big kiss, piece of bread, Wakko's head.
All: Oh, du schöne, oh, du schöne, oh, du schöne schnitzelbank!
Wakko: Here, I've got one! Ist das nicht ein Otto von Schnitzelpusskrankengescheitmeyer?
Yakko and Dot: Ja, das ist ein Otto von Schnitzelpusskrankengescheitmeyer.
Wakko: Ist das nicht ein incredibly long name to have to try and say?
Yakko and Dot: Ja, das ist ein incredibly long name to have to try and say.
The Warners: Cute man this, great big kiss, piece of bread, Wakko's head.
All: Oh, du schöne, oh, du schöne, oh, du schöne schnitzelbank!
Otto: Hey, you kids is pretty good!
Yakko: We're just gettin' warmed up! Ist das nicht ein Otto's gut?
Otto, Wakko and Dot: Ja, das ist ein Otto's gut.
Yakko: Ist das nicht ein Otto's butt?
Otto, Wakko and Dot: Ja, das ist ein Otto's butt.
All: Otto's gut, Otto's butt. Oh, du schöne, oh, du schöne, oh, du schöne schnitzelbank!
Otto: Okay, I think we're done now, ja?
Wakko: Wait? Ist das nicht ein pair of pants?
Yakko and Dot: Ja, das ist ein pair of pants.
Wakko: Ist ein underwear from France?
Yakko and Dot: Ja, dat's underwear from France.
The Warners: Pair of pants, shorts from France, Otto's gut, Otto's butt. Oh, du schöne, oh, du schöne, oh, du schöne schnitzelbank!
Dot: Ist das nicht ein hairy chest?
Yakko and Wakko: Ja, das ist ein hairy chest.
Dot: Is this man no longer dressed?
Yakko and Wakko: Ja, this man's no longer dressed.
The Warners: Hairy chest, he's not dressed, pair of pants, shorts from France, Otto's gut, Otto's butt. Oh, du schöne, oh, du schöne, oh, du schöne schnitzelbank!
[Otto finally has had it with the Warners and kicks them out, literally]
Yakko: Boy, some international friendship song.
Season 2[edit]
I'm Mad​[​edit​]
Dr. Scratchansniff​: Wake up! It's late! It's twenty minutes after eight! Everyone get up; it's time to go! Up and at 'em now! Come on; shake a leg! Have some juice and scrambled egg. On the floor and out the door let's get on our way.
Dot: Hey, watch out!
Yakko: What's the matter?
Dot: You almost knocked me off the ladder!
Yakko: No, I didn't!
Dot: Yes you did; I almost fell!
Yakko: Don't exaggerate.
Dot: I'm not. Yeah, right. Are you trying to pick a fight?
Yakko: Will you get out of my face?
Dot: Well, you're always in my space!
Dr. Scratchansniff​: Hey, get off each other's case because we're trying to get along.
Wakko: I want pancakes or a waffle. This tastes awful. Is that all we've got? Can't find my clothes and I need to blow my nose and my socks are full of holes and my shoelace has a knot.
Dot: That's my toothbrush!
Yakko: No, it's not!
Dot: Well, it's sitting in my slot!
Yakko: No it isn't; this is mine and that one's yours.
Dot: Well, you're standing in my way!
Yakko: Yeah, that's tough!
Dr. Scratchansniff​: Alright, now that's enough! Everybody get your stuff because we're going out the door! Every time we get into the car, it's so much work! It takes us twenty minutes while you're driving me berserk with your playing and your jumping and your running all about! When I finally get you inside, you always lock me out!
Dot: I'm mad, I'm mad! I'm really, really, really mad! You poked me with your elbow in my side!
Yakko: No, I didn't!
Dot: Yes, you did!
Yakko: Nuh-uh!
Dot: You did and I'm just a little kid! You're lying! Don't deny it!
Yakko: Oh, I'm gonna hit you!
Dot: Yeah, just try it!
Dr. Scratchansniff​: Will both of you be quiet? 'Cause we're driving in a car!
Dot: Ow! You hit me!
Yakko: Well, she bit me!
Dot: He said he's gonna get me!
Yakko: No, I didn't!
Dot: Yes, you did!
Dr. Scratchansniff​: All right, that's it! Now I forbid either one of you to say another word!
Wakko: Are we there yet? I'm tired. I'm hungry. How far? My nose is snotty, need to move my body, gotta use the potty, better stop the car.
Dot: Stop it!
Yakko: No, you stop it!
Dr. Scratchansniff​: Why can't you both just drop it?
Dot: Well, he started it!
Yakko: Oh, yeah, I'm really sure, uh-huh!
Dot: Na-ah!
Yakko: Uh-uh!
Dot: It's your fault!
Yakko: No, it's not. Your leg is in my spot!
Dr. Scratchansniff​: Yakko, you be quiet! And that goes for you too, Dot! Every time we take a trip, it's always just the same With the fighting and the biting and the calling all those names, then there's pushing and there's shoving and there's scratching on the neck when we finally get to where we're going everyone's a wreck!
The Warners: Yak yak yak yak yak yak yak yak yak yak yak yak yak!
Dot: I'm mad, I'm mad! I'm really, really, really mad! You poked me with your elbow in my side!
Yakko: No I didn't!
Dot: Yes, you did! You did! And I'm just a little kid.
Dr. Scratchansniff​: Will both of you be quiet? 'Cause we're driving in a car!
Wakko: Are we there yet? I'm tired. I'm hungry. How far? My nose is snotty, need to move my body, gotta use the potty, better stop the car.
Dr. Scratchansniff​: We're here, we're here! Doesn't anybody want to give a cheer?
Yakko: You mean this is where we're all gonna spend the day?
Dot: At the circus?!
Wakko: Hey, guys, look! They got rides!
Dr. Scratchansniff​: Now you're satisfied? Alright, everyone inside, And let's have some fun, okay?
Dot: I'm glad, I'm glad! What a really great time we had! Did you see those lions and those tigers? Weren't they neat?
Dr. Scratchansniff​: Are you happy now?
Dot: We are; thanks a lot! I'm sorry that we fought. From now on I'll get along
Yakko: That's alright, Dot; I was wrong.
Dr. Scratchansniff​: Ah that's nice, now come along, let's all get in the car.
Dot: You can take the seat you like, You're always so gallant.
Yakko: Ah, thank you, Dot, but ladies first, you take the seat you want.
Dr. Scratchansniff​: Everybody's happy now, we've had a real good day. And now it's time to go back home so let's be on our way!
Dot: You hit me!
Yakko: No, I didn't!
Dot: Yes, you did. Stop it!
Yakko: No, you stop it!
Dot: Move your leg!
Yakko: No, you move your leg!
Dot: You started it!
Yakko: No, I didn't, you did!
Dot: No, I didn't, you did!
Yakko: Started what?!
Dot: You always start it!
Yakko: Don't you cross that line!
Dot: You're not the boss of me!
Yakko: This is where the line is, right here!
Dot: Oh yeah? Since when? Get out of my face! I'm the boss here!
Yakko: Dr Scratchansniff, she started it!
Season 3[edit]
A Quake! A Quake!​[​edit​]
Yakko: This is the city: Los Angeles, California. On a starlit winter's night, when the moon was shining bright... Back in January of 1994, at 4:30 in the morning, and without a single warning, something strange began to move the floor. A quake! a quake! The house begins to shake! You're bouncing 'cross the floor and watching all your dishes break. You're sleeping, there's a quake, you're instantly awake. You're leaping out of bed and shouting.
Dr. Scratchansniff​: Oh, for heaven's sake!
Yakko: I ran outside with neighbors, their faces filled with shock. That's because I'm standing there In nothing but my socks. Oh, a quake, a quake.
Dot: Say, it's all a big mistake!
Wakko: Just feel the ground go up and down!
Yakko: Won't someone hit the brake? A quake, a quake, oh, what a mess they make! The bricks, the walls, the chimney falls, destruction in its wake!
Dr. Scratchansniff​: I did not have insurance, so I called them from the scene And suddenly I'm listening to an answering machine, saying:
Yakko: Too late! Too late! You shouldn't ought-a wait! So now you're stuck, we wish you luck! Here comes a 6.8! Whose fault? Whose fault? The San Andreas' fault, cause Mr. Richter can't predict her kicking our asphalt! Seismologists all say tectonic plates are in between an encroaching crustal mantle.
Wakko and Dot: Yeah, so what the heck's that mean?
Yakko: It means a quake! A quake!
Wakko and Dot: Oh, really, yeah, no fake? We kinda had that feeling When the ground began to shake!
Yakko: California's great! It's such a lovely state! 'Cause every lawn is sitting on a continental plate! Los Angeles had fires and a riot and a flood and then a drought and a recession and then now we hear this thud of a quake, a quake!
The Warners: How much more can we take?!
Dot: We thought that we had seen it all...
Yakko: But this one takes the cake! The dirt,
Dot: The rocks,
Wakko: And all those aftershocks!
The Warners: It's just the planet moving granite several city blocks! (to the tune of London Bridge) LA town is falling down while the ground moves around! We won't let it get us down, we're Californians!
Yakko: A quake!
Dot: A quake!
Wakko: It's time to pull up stake.
Yakko: We're all fed up, we can't deny it!
Dot: Fires, quakes, and floods, and riot!
The Warners: We want someplace with peace and quiet. So we're moving to Beirut!
Variety Speak​[​edit​]
Yakko: In Hollywood, they have a different language that they speak. It's spoken by those folks who went to school for just one week.
Dot: It's found inside Variety, a magazine they use.
Yakko and Dot: And no one understands it when they read the movie news.
Dot: Like "Hix makes pix but the flick needs fix"...
Yakko: Means someone made a movie that bombed.
Dot: "The VEEPS in charge are now at large"...
Yakko: Means everyone involved is gone.
Dot: "The plot conflix, no beautiful chix"...
Yakko: So it's comin' out on video soon.
Dot: "They're takin' their licks 'cause the critics say nix"...
Yakko: And the editors are gonna try to fix it in the mix.
Dot: Well, "the stock sees green" on page 13...
Yakko: Means Disney's up a nickel a share.
Dot: "Stallone cuts deal for a major reel"...
Yakko: Means Rocky Number VI, so beware!
Dot: If you want the poop.
Yakko: Or ya need the scoop.
Yakko and Dot: On Hollywood Town this week, you're gonna have to learn to talk that Variety speak!
Chorus Girls: Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah, bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!
Dot: "A boffo-smash makes Warner cash"...
Yakko: Means there's gonna be a sequel next year.
Dot: But "Paramount hurts and they're losing their shirts"...
Yakko: Means Schwarzenegger's doing King Lear.
Dot: "Oliver Stone does next Home Alone"...
Yakko: Means he's gettin' paid an arm and a leg. The budget goes "crunch!"...
Dot: But his name "packs punch"...
Yakko: So they called up the accountants and they're gonna "do lunch".
Dot: Well, "the ratings smile on the O.J. trial"...
Yakko: Means a movie of the week to premiere.
Dot: "Universal cuts deal with Mr. Spiel"...
Yakko: To do a hundred thousand movies a year!
The Warners: You gotta play it smart If y'wanna be part Of the crowd that's hip and chic! You're gonna have to learn to talk that Variety speak!
Chorus Girls: Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah, Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!
Yakko and Dot: Normal talk makes producers walk. You might as well speak Greek. You're gonna have to learn.
Wakko: Or the meeting will adjourn...
The Warners: Unless, my friend, you learn that Variety speak!
Chorus Girls: Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah, Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!
The Warners: Bop, doo, bop, doo, bop, doo, bah, dah!
U.N. Me[edit]
Yakko: U.N. me, we had a bag of fun down by the East Riverside! That United Nations there drives away a fella's care. 183 countries meet down by the East Riverside, New York, off 42nd Street.
Wakko: See foreign states with a grudge down by the East Riverside. United Nations tries to fix wars, famine, and oil slicks Boutros Boutros Ghali-gee down by the East Riverside leads the General Assembly.
Dot: The gift shop will take traveler's checks down by the East Riverside. German tourists were not rare buying T-shirts and flatware. Ate pastry from Liberia down by the East Riverside at the U.N. cafeteria.
The Warners: Took a tour with some Dutch down by the East Riverside we had a guide from Japan who had a decent pension plan. Saw costly artwork from Brazil down by the East Riverside on which my soda I did spill. U.N. me, we had a bag of fun down by the East Riverside saw flags on shiny poles from lands with lofty goals we'll beat our swords into liverwurst down by the East Riverside but no one wants to be the first. But then I guess it could be worse.
Wakko: We could still sing one more verse
The Warners: U.N. me!
All The Words in the English Language​[​edit​]
Yakko: Aardvark, abating, abet, abdicating. Abandon, abase and abreast. Ablaze and ablution, abhor and abusion. Abbreviate, abbey, abscessed. Abduct and ablation, abridge and abrasion. Abash and abrupt and abride. Abscond and absentia, absent, abstentia. Abdomen, ably, abide. Abominable, abrogate, absolute, absent. Absorbent, abstention, abstraction. Absurd and abundant, abusive, abutment. Acacia, academy, action. Accede and accost and accept and across. And accompany, acre, accord. Accomplish, account and accrue and amount. Acrimonious, active, adored. Adrenaline, adulate, adder and advocate. Advertise, adverse, abrade. Advice, adversarial, advent and aerial. Affluent, after, afraid.
Yakko: [slightly slower] Level and levity, lewd and longevity. Libel, libation, Lanai. Lithium, litigate, legal, legitimate. Liberty, levy and lie.
Dot: Welcome back. Yakko's now at the L's as he tries to sing all the words in the English language. A slight mistake at the F's—here's what it looked like:
Yakko: Facial and faction and fractal and fraction. And fraudulent, fragrant, frappé Frankincense, frankinship... frankinsish... shoot!... Yada yada flambé!
Dick: Now, that mistake could have proved costly for Yakko, but he recovered beautifully.
Dot: Now let's watch as Yakko continues with the L's.
Yakko: [starting to get fatigued] Libation and libertine, limited, limousine Limpid and limbo and lime Lima and lipid and literature, liquid And listing and liter and line. There's lobby and loading and loathsome and loaning. And loco and then locomotion. There's lotus and lottery, lobo, lobotomy. Logic and loosen and lotion. Lozenge and lubber and lucky and lover. And lullaby, lumber and Luke. Luster and luscious and lunatic, lustrous. And lurking and lunar and lute.
Yakko: [overly exhausted] Zachary, Zanzibar, zappy and zamindar. Zillion and Zipcode and Zen. Zany and zoning and zeal and zirconium. Zodiac, zombie, zayin.
Dot: Yakko Warner, now moments away from having sung all the words in the English language. Dick Button, is he going to make it?
Dick: If it was anyone else, I'd say no, but he's young, he's resilient; we'll just have to see.
Yakko: Zigging and zagging and zealous and zebra. And zenith and zap and zaffer. Zeppelin and zipper and zephyr and zither. Then zinc and zombini. And zoo and zucchini. And Zulu and Zorro. Then zit and Zamora. And zero and zoom and- ugh! [falls down]
Dot: Guess not...
Yakko: Wait! [he struggles up on his knees] ...Zaire! [falls down again]
The Presidents Song​[​edit​]
Yakko: Heigh Ho, do ya know the names of the US residents who then became the presidents and got a view from the White House loo of Pennsylvania Avenue?
Wakko: George Washington was the first, you see, he once chopped down a cherry tree.
Dot: President number two would be John Adams, and then number three...
Yakko: Tom Jefferson stayed up to write a declaration late at night. So he and his wife had a great big fight and she made him sleep on the couch all night.
Wakko: James Madison never had a son and he fought the War of 1812.
Dot: James Monroe's colossal nose was bigger than Pinocchio's.
Yakko: John Quincy Adams was number six and it's Andrew Jackson's butt he kicks. So Jackson learns to play politics. Next time, he's the one that the country picks.
Dot: Martin Van Buren, number 8 for a one-term shot as chief of state.
Yakko: William Harrison, how do ya praise? That guy was dead in 30 days!
Wakko: Old John Tyler he liked country folk...
Dot: And after him came President Polk.
Yakko: Zachary Taylor liked to smoke, his breath killed friends whenever he spoke.
Wakko: 1850, really nifty, Millard Fillmore's in.
Yakko: Young and fierce was Franklin Pierce, The man without a chin.
Dot: Follows next a period spannin' four long years with James Buchanan. Then the south starts shootin' cannon and we got a Civil War.
The Warners: [to the tune of "I Wish I Was in Dixie"] A war! A war down south in Dixie!
Yakko: Up to bat comes old Abe Lincoln.
Dot: There's a guy who's really thinkin'!
Wakko: Kept the United States from shrinkin', saved the ship of state from sinkin'!
Dot: Andrew Johnson's next, he had some slight defects.
Wakko: Congress each would impeach...
Dot: And so the country now elects...
Yakko: Ulysses Simpson Grant, who would scream and rave and rant.
Wakko: While drinkin' whiskey, although risky, 'Cause he'd spill it on his pants.
Yakko: It's 1877 and the Democrats would gloat. But they're all amazed when Rutherford Hayes Wins by just one vote.
Dot: James Garfield someone really hated 'Cause he was assassinated.
Wakko: Chester Arthur gets instated. Four years later, he was traded.
Dot: For Grover Cleveland, really fat, elected twice as a Democrat. Then Benjamin Harrison, after that, it's William McKinley up to bat.
Yakko: Teddy Roosevelt charged up San Juan Hill.
Wakko: And President Taft, he got the bill.
Yakko: In 1913, Woodrow...
The Warners: Wiiiiillllllllllson, so, takes us into World War I!
[military cadence]
Yakko: Warren Harding, next in line.
Dot: It's Calvin Coolidge, he does fine.
Wakko: And then in 1929, the market crashes and we find.
Yakko: It's Herbert Hoover's big debut. He gets the blame and loses to.
Dot: Franklin Roosevelt, President who helped us win in World War II.
Wakko: Harry Truman, weird little human, serves two terms and when he's done.
Yakko: It's Eisenhower who's got the power from '53 to '61.
Dot: John Kennedy had Camelot then Lyndon Johnson took his spot.
Yakko: Richard Nixon, he gets caught and Gerald Ford fell down a lot.
Wakko: Jimmy Carter liked campaign trips.
Yakko: And Ronald Reagan's speeches' scripts all came from famous movie clips, and President Bush said, "Read my lips."
Dot: Now in Washington, DC...
Wakko: There's Democrats and the GOP...
Yakko: But the ones in charge are plain to see.
Dot: The Clintons, Bill and Hillary!
Yakko: [slower] The next President to lead the way, well, it might just be yourself one day. Then the press'll distort everything you say...
The Warners: [abruptly change to normal speed] So jump in your plane and fly away!
Multiplication​[​edit​]
Yakko: 7 x 3 is 21, which, as you know, is just two 10s plus 1, and so, we put the 1 right here, and we carry the 2, one left to the top of the tens place, right next door and we put it on top of the number 4, which is really four 10s that we multiply times 3 in the ones place and that's why we now have 12, which we add to the 2 that we carry to get 14. See how easy that was? Oho, it's multiplication it's math education. Hey, Albert Einstein said that it's so easy to do. It's simple, it's breezy, it's fun and it's easy, just buy a calculator, you can multiply, too! And now, the second digit. 7 x 8 is 56, Which, as you know, is just five 10s plus 6, and so, we put the 6 right here in the tens place, left of the 1 and we carry the 5 like we did before to the top of the tens place next to the 4, then multiply that 4 x 8 to get 32. See, isn't this great? Then, we add the 5 that we carried before to get 37, then add once more straight down to get 3,901! Isn't this swell? Oh, let's give multiplication a standing ovation! Isaac Newton multiplied a couple times two!
Yakko and Newton: Times two! Times two! Times two!
Yakko: It's simple, it's breezy, it's fun and it's easy, so buy a calculator and study this stuff later maybe someday, you can multiply numbers 2, 3, 4, 5. Recess!
Panama Canal​[​edit​]
Yakko: Got a tramp steamer, my ship's called "Hal".
Singers: 40 miles on the Panama Canal.
Yakko: Got a cargo of sodas, they are low cal.
Singers: 40 miles on the Panama Canal.
Yakko: Sailing 'cross the Caribbean Sea to the Pacific in a jiffy through Panama, but not on land. I'd look silly with my ship in the sand.
Singers: Yo, Hal, try the canal, yo, Hal, the canal is your pal! You can sail a cargo ship from sea to shining sea through the Panama Canal for a nominal fee.
Yakko: You enter a lock, it's a ship corral.
Singers: 40 miles on the Panama Canal.
Yakko: You pay your money then get a decal.
Singers: 40 miles on the Panama Canal.
Yakko: You cross the locks; they number 3, full of water for you and me. 100 feet wide, 41 feet deep, water enough to drench a sheep.
Singers: High lock, up goes the ship. Low lock, the ship takes a dip. First they raise the water level, then lower it again. 'Cross the Panama Canal, it's really zen.
Yakko: We pass the locks with good morale.
Singers: 40 miles on the Panama Canal.
Yakko: The crew yells out.
Singers: Thank you, Hal! 40 miles on the Panama Canal.
Yakko: You're welcome, men! Wasn't that fun? 40 miles, our voyage is done. From Colón now past Balboa, adios, Panama! So long! Aloha!
Hello Nurse​[​edit​]
Wakko: She's the woman of the year, independent, a career, there's not a thing that she couldn't do. Oh, she's alert, she's aware, she's got legs like Astaire and a hundred-fifty-seven IQ. She has several Ph.D.s, speaks fluent Japanese, and her shoes will always match with her purse. Whatever street she's walkin' down, everybody turns around and says...
Yakko and Wakko: Hello NURSE!!!
Wakko: She likes cheese and pepperoni, won a Pulitzer and a Tony, she played the leading role in King Lear. She never drinks, she never smokes, she never laughs at dirty jokes, she was ambassador to China last year. Oh, she's politically correct, she'd never co-collect, she plays Chopin and she doesn't rehearse. And when she's walkin' by, I give a little sign And say...
Yakko and Wakko: Hello NURSE!!!
Wakko: She gets her math equations right, she reads Tolstoy every night, she won the Nobel Prize in physics. It's true. She drives a shiny new Corvette, sings opera at the Met, and volunteers her time at the zoo. She won a scholarship to Yale, got her Fulbright in the mail, and took a two-year junior college degree. She's manna sent from heaven, too bad I'm only seven 'cause, Hello Nurse, I wish you'd take care of me!
Yakko and Wakko: If she's not everything that we've said, then may lightning strike us dead! Hello, NURSE!!!
The Ballad of Magellan​[​edit​]
Yakko: There once was a man, his name was Magellan. A Portuguese skipper, the girls found him cute. He sailed with five ships to find the East Indies then come back to Spain with a bounty of loot.
The Warners: Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, oh, happy Magellan! Starting your journey with hardly a care! Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, strong, brave Magellan, you'll find the East Indies, you just don't know where!
Yakko: They crossed the Atlantic and spotted a country. Magellan said...
Magellan​: It's the East Indies at last!
Yakko: But then someone shouted...
Wakko: Hey, that's Argentina!
Yakko: Magellan got cranky and chopped down the mast.
The Warners: Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, settle down, Magellan. Put down that axe! There's no time to despair. Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, keep trying, Magellan, You'll find the East Indies, you just don't know where!
Yakko: A great storm arose in the mighty Pacific. The five little ships were diminished to three. At last, land was sighted. Magellan was happy. But then someone shouted...
Dot: Hey, that's Chile!
The Warners: Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, cheer up, Magellan. Check out your map and don't tear out your hair! Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, keep trying, Magellan, you'll find the East Indies, you just don't know where!
Yakko: It took them five months, but they crossed the Pacific. They spotted a land that was dotted with palms. Magellan proclaimed...
Magellan​: Yes! That's the East Indies!
Yakko: But then someone shouted...
Wakko: Hey, I think that's Guam!
The Warners: Ai yi yi yi, oops, Magellan! Your fun little journey's become a nightmare! Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, keep trying, Magellan, You'll find the East Indies, you just don't know where!
Yakko: They sailed due west to the Philippine Islands. Magellan was pleased as the natives drew near. But then someone shouted...
The Warners: I think they're attacking!
Yakko: Magellan said...
Magellan​: What?
Yakko: And got hit by a spear.
The Warners: Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, farewell, Magellan! You almost made it! It's really not fair! Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, oh, ghost of Magellan, the East Indies Islands were right over there!
The Big Wrap Party Tonight​[​edit​]
Yakko: Come in, be a smarty! The shindig's 'bout to starty!
Wakko: The gang's all here!
Dot: Let's give a cheer...
The Warners: For the big wrap party tonight!
Wakko: There's chow galore!
Dot: So open the door...
The Warners: To the big wrap party tonight!
Yakko: We're dining buffet style with food from every nation. So plan to stop a while and join the celebration!
Wakko: They've come for fun and feastin'.
Dot: We've even let the Beast in.
The Warners: Let's go hors d'oeuvre-in' and see what they're servin' at the big wrap party tonight. There's manicotti for Dotty, soft shell taco for Yakko, and Wakko is ready for a truck load of spaghetti at the big wrap party tonight. Hello Nurse is eating liverwurst, Thaddeus Plotz has red hots. Ralph the Guard is cooking with lard. The apron that's cute is Dot's.
Wakko: Take a whiff, Dr. Scratchansniff.
Dot: No veal in the meal for Miss Flamiel.
The Warners: The Flame keeps a-glowin'. The punch bowl's overflowin' at the big wrap party tonight. The Randy Beaman kid is eatin' fried squid at the big wrap party tonight.
Wakko: The pasta by Pesto is the besto.
Dot: Bobby helps Squit, who's choking on a pit!
Yakko: The cheese balls are nectar to Mr. Director...
The Warners: At the big wrap party tonight. The Great Wakkorotti has gone to the potty at the big wrap party tonight.
Yakko: Runt bakes the bundt cakes.
Dot: A pocket of pita for Rita.
The Warners: Nuttin' but mutton for Mindy and Buttons. Sylvester wants a parakeet-ah.
Yakko: Katie Ka-Boom can clear out a room.
Wakko: A pie, key lime...
Dot: Is headed for the mime!
The Warners: Chicken Boo is eating tiramisu at the big wrap party tonight. The entire crew came from Acme Loo for the big wrap party tonight! Get another nappy for Slappy. More bean dippy for Skippy. Extra chippos for the Hip Hippos. The Brain's eating pizza that's drippy. Minerva Mink's leavin' with Steven. A hot cocoa drinky for Pinky.
Yakko and Wakko: Don't allow tobacco at the big wrap party tonight! It's happy hour in the water tower at the big wrap party tonight! In our toon careers, these are the golden years! We've loved the jokes, so thank you, folks! You've eaten your fill, now here's the bill For the big wrap party...
Yakko: Pay with your credit cardy!
The Warners: At the big wrap party tonight! The big wrap party tonight!
Season 4[edit]
Noel​[​edit​]
Yakko: To spell Santa's name is easy to do. You write S-A-N-T and another "A", too. But no "L", no "L", Santa's name has no "L". And he won't be too pleased if you don't learn to spell.
Wakko: Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch water from the well, But when neither one could find it, Jill started to yell.
Dot: No well, no well, can't believe there's no well! We walked all the way here and I'm mad can't you tell!
Yakko: Captain Ahab took his crew his harpoon and set sail and he called out to ships...
Captain Ahab: Have you seen the white whale?!
Sailors: No whale, no whale, no, we ain't seen no whale!
Sailor #1: Saw a couple of dolphins...
Sailor #2: And a big yellowtail!
The Warners: If you've listened to this tune, then you probably can tell That you've heard it before. It's a song you know well. Know well, know well, it's a song you know well, and we've ruined it completely, so we all say, "Oh, well." Oh, well, oh, well, we'll just say fare thee well! Merry Christmas to you and a joyous Noel!
When You're Traveling from Nantucket​[​edit​]
Yakko: When you're traveling from Nantucket, through Chicago to St. Paul, and you're standing at an airport. And you look upon the wall, there's a clock for every city and a different time for all from Asia through Malaysia to Peru. Did you ever wonder why that when it's 10:00 in Maine, at precisely the same moment, it is 3 AM in Spain? When it's breakfast time in Rome, they're having lunch in the Ukraine, and it's supper up in upper Kathmandu. If the Earth were spinning faster as the sun is going past her, then a day would only be an hour long. And school, when they begin it, would only last a minute, before everybody has to run along.
Wakko and Dot: All right!
Yakko: If the Earth were the planet that was closest to the sun, a year would be much shorter and you'd have a lot of fun. 'Cause by the time you were in 1st grade, you'd be over 21. And you'd live to be 900, 3 or 4. Time is relative, dependent, you can save it, you can spend it doing things you like to do or learning how.
Wakko: You can't see it, you can't taste it.
Dot: But you certainly can waste it.
Yakko: Which is really what we're doing here right now! The international date line's an imaginary cleft. Today is on the right side and tomorrow's on the left. So when you cross it, do you then arrive the day before you left? That's how it'd work, it's quite berserk, you see. So if you were born in China, while I'm born in Carolina, well, then, you're a day ahead of me, you see. So the way I've got it reckoned, if we're born in the same second, then why should you be a day older than me? But it really is no miracle the difference in our birth. Because the world is spherical, that's why around the Earth.
The Warners: There's always different times for Moscow, London, Boston and Ft. Worth.
Yakko: And that's the way it's always gonna be. So remember, when you're traveling from Nantucket to St. Paul, and that airport as you're staring at those clocks upon the wall. you should think about this song, my friend, and then you will recall.
Wakko: That it was mildly amusing.
Dot: But then totally confusing.
The Warners: And we bet you wish we hadn't sung at all!
Season 5[edit]
Dot - The Macadamia Nut[edit]
[Dot laughs offscreen]
Yakko and Wakko: Hello, Nurse!
Yakko: Uh...
Dot: I am NOT Trying to be annoying.
Yakko and Wakko: [in unison, in Spanish accents] AI!
Dot: I act like a nut, so they call me Macadamia. I dance like a klutz on a show called Animania. Am I a cutie? Absolutie! And a beauty, you can bet your patooty!
Dot, Minerva Mink, and Hello Nurse: [in unison] But if you touch me, or even get near me, I'll have you arrested...Do you hear me?!
Yakko and Wakko: Dot is a nut, so they call her Macadamia. She's cracked in the head and kooky in the brainia. Each line in this song sounds pretty much the same-ia. Oy, Macadamia!
Ralph: Duh!
Yakko and Wakko: [in Spanish accents]​¿Donde que vas a Nintendo Macadamia? Hola que pasa you grande sack o' grania. Qui a coupé le fromage, we abstainia.
Slappy, Hello Nurse, Skippy, and Ralph: [in unison] Oy, Macadamia!
[Wakko belches]
Dot: Now, please, don't mention my brother, [in a split screen with Wakko] the one they call Wakkorino! [Wakko belches again. Overdubbed harmony plays in the background] He's always burping every hour, so I threw him out of the tower! [Wakko yells, Dot laughs] Now, come on! What did you want me to do? He was grossing me out! And I'm just a cute little thing, so don't cross me!
Yakko and Wakko: She's cracked like a nut, so they call her Macadamia. Whenever she gets mad, you'll experience pania. Cuts and bruises you will sustainia, Oy, Macadamia!
Pinky: Narf!
Yakko and Wakko: [in Spanish accents]​Lava tus manos, por favor, Macadamia. The world is the goal for Pinky and the Brainia.
Dot: [in a Spanish accent] Otra vez on y vas the repetitive refrainia...
Slappy, Hello Nurse, Skippy, and Ralph: [in unison] Oy, Macadamia!
The Brain: Yes!
[Break it down now!]
Dot: Don't hate me because I'm cute!
[Pesto beats up Squit]
Squint: Ow!
Yakko: Mac M-Mac, Mac Mac, Macadamia, Mac M-Mac, Mac Mac, Macadamia, Mac M-Mac, Mac Mac, Macadamia, Oy, Macadamia!
Skippy: Spew!
Yakko: Mac M-Mac, Mac Mac, Macadamia, Mac M-Mac, Mac Mac, Macadamia, Mac M-Mac, Mac Mac, Macadamia, Oy, Macadamia!
Chicken Boo: Bacawk!
[Dot laughs. Skippy laughs. Pinky laughs. Minerva Mink, Hello Nurse, Skippy, Pinky, and Dot laugh]
Slappy: I don't get it. What's the joke?!
Minerva Mink, Hello Nurse, Skippy, Pinky, and Dot: [in unison] Uh...
Yakko: Uh...
Dot: I'm a nut who's known as Macadamia. But you can call me by my other nameia.
Dot, Minerva Mink, and Hello Nurse: [in unison] Louisa Francesa Banana Fana Bo Besca.
Dot: Or just plain "Dot", the name I flirt to. But if you call me "Dottie", I'll have to hurt you!
The Warners: [in unison] Mac M-Mac, Mac Mac, Macadamia, Mac M-Mac, Mac Mac, Macadamia, Mac M-Mac, Mac Mac, Macadamia, Oy, Macadamia! Mac M-Mac, Mac Mac, Macadamia, Mac M-Mac, Mac Mac, Macadamia, Mac M-Mac, Mac Mac, Macadamia, Oy, Macadamia, Nuts!
We're On Our Way to Go See Mister Plotz​[​edit​]
[from Hooray for North Hollywood Part 1]
Yakko: What da ya know? We actually did it!
Dot: We wrote a script.
Wakko: We've written a show.
Yakko: 800 pages.
The Warners: We overdid it!
Wakko: But we've still got a chance to get rich.
Yakko: We've just gotta make that pitch. To the CEO who gives the go.
Dot: 'Cause he’s the guy says yes or no.
The Warners: To make it into a movie so you see!
Yakko: Out the door, my friends and follow me!
Wakko: Hey, where are we going?
Yakko: We're on our way to go see Mr. Plotz 'cause he's the man in charge who calls the shots.
Dot: He's really good, he's Hollywood, and no one can deny.
Wakko: He knows the biz 'cause he's a whiz.
The Warners: And that, my friends, is why. We're on our way to go see Mr. Plotz.
Dot: I hear he's got a plane and several yachts.
Yakko: 'Cause he's successful; he's a genius, he's the man who has it all.
Dot: Got a Bentley in his driveway.
Wakko: And an Oscar on his wall.
The Warners: He's the guy that Steven Spielberg wants to know.
Steven: I wanna know!
Crowd: He's Mr. Plotz, the Warner CEO.
The Warners: The script is great real first rate that is why we just can’t wait to hear him say it’s all a go to make it into a movie so.
Crowd: They're on their way to go see Mr. Plotz 'cause he’s the king of all the movie lots.
The Warners: He takes a lunch with Streisand and she always pays the bill, plays golf with Arnold Palmer, hired Cecil B. DeMille!
Wakko: He even made money on a movie with Don Knotts, my hero!
The Warners: That’s why we’re on our way to go see Mr.
Yakko and Wakko: Warner Brothers.
Dot: And Warner Sister.
The Warners: On our way to go see Mr. Plah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah… Ready or not, here we come! Gonna see Mr. Plotz!
[reprise from Hooray for North Hollywood Part 2]
The Warners: We're on our way to go see Mr. Plotz 'cause he's the one in charge who calls the shots. He's really good, ge's Hollywood, and no one can deny, he truly is a super-whiz and that, my friends, is why we're on our way to go see Mr. Plah-ah-ahtz.
Crowd: They're on their way to go see Mr.
Yakko and Wakko: Warner Brothers
Dot: And Warner Sister
The Warners: We're on our way to go see Mr. Plah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ahtz.
You Gotta Do the Schmooze​[​edit​]
Dot: Gee, look at all the people on hold.
Yakko: Yeah, they're all waiting to schmooze Plotzie.
Wakko: Schmooze? What's that?
Yakko: That's how you make deals in Hollywood, Wakko. You've gotta shoot the breeze, talk the talk. You know -- schmooze! Like this.
Dot: Mr. Plotz's office. Please hold. Sid Scheinberg on Line Two!
Yakko: Sidney, sweetie, baby, you're terrific! Oh, my other line is ringing; can you hold? Keanu, man, I flipped, 'cause I've got the perfect script and, believe me, you're the only one I've told.
Dot: Meryl, honey, darling, babe, I love ya! It's the perfect part; there's no way you can fail. And that's 'cause you're the best. You are way above the rest and I understand you used to work for scale. Eisner!
Yakko: Michael, green light's right at 50,000,000. We're talking Costner so we're shopping it around. You know, the line's around the corner and they love it out at Warner. You don't want to be the guy who turned it down.
Yakko and Dot: You gotta do the schmooze or else you'll wind up being yesterday's news.
Yakko: You gotta schmooze 'em while you're talkin' PR from the phone in your car, be the guy who says that "I can make you a star!"
Dot: You gotta learn to schmooze, tell everyone about your friend Tom Cruise and say you recommended Cher for a party ou gave DeNiro his startand on The Simpsons you suggested that they call the kid Bart.
Yakko: You did the meal; you closed the deal. You made an offer that they couldn't refuse and that's the way that you schmooze!
Wakko: Hey, I think I can do that!
Yakko: Be my guest!
Dot: Martin Scorcese on Line Three!
Wakko: Marty, babe, I've got this script; you'll love it! It's a story no one else has ever had. You see, it comes from Hollywood, it's about a guy who's good, and he has to fight another guy, who's bad.
Dot: Tarantino!
Wakko: Your treatment, man, is absolutely brilliant. It's got potential and we think it's really hot. We feel the only thing it needs Is rewriting all the leads. And we'd like to see you try a different plot.
Dot: Schwarzenegger!
Wakko: Arnold, babe, there ain't nobody like you. That action thing you absolutely own. But Zemeckis has the clout, so the backing points are out, 'sides, we figure we can always get Stallone.
Arnold: Stallone? Are you kidding me? I'll come down there and kill you!
The Warners: You gotta do the schmooze and you can be a regular lollapalooze.
Dot: Rubbing elbows with that Hollywood bunch.
Wakko: Eating sushi for lunch.
Yakko: Show the ladies your Mercedes down at Spago for brunch!
The Warners: You gotta schmooze or lose, you're on the A-list; you're the person they choose.
Dot: To make a movie that'll beat out the rest.
Wakko: And be dramatically best.
Yakko: Get Antonio Banderas; he can show off his chest!
The Warners: You wanna make it to the top and be the cream of the crop? You can't lose, if you learn how to schmooze!
Wakko: Is that my pager or my cell phone?
Secretary​: Oh, singing Ewoks! Mister Plotz will see you now.
Yakko: Ready?
Wakko​and Dot: Ready!
Yakko: All right -- we're on!
The Warners: This is where we go in, and it's either we win or we lose, just as long as we schmooze!
There's Only One of You[edit]
Yakko: There are 50,000 diff'rent kinds of animals and there are 50,000 more that used to be. There's a hundred million ants and a half a billion plants and a lot of fish down underneath the sea. There's gotta be a couple million spiders, a hundred 50,000,000 butterflies and bees, and a bunch of different mammals like those elephants and camels and approximately 50,000,000,000 trees!
Yakko and Wakko: But there is only one of you; that makes you special. You stand out among the other things, it's true!
The Warners: Yes, the universe is largeand whoever is in charge made lots of things but only one of you!
Yakko: A one and a two and a three and a four a thousand and a million and a billion or more! There's a trillion drops of water in the ocean, and a billion trillion molecules of air. There are insects here en masse, and a trillion blades of grass, and a thousand strands on every head of hair. A lot of little grains of dirt make up this planet, z billion atoms on the head of every pin, a million birds that all can fly, a trillion stars up in the sky, And all the many different people there have been!
The Warners: But there is only one of you; that makes you special. Yes, there is nothing else exactly like you are! As you're unique and you're terrific and you're kinda built specific 'cause there's no one else the same as the person you became.
Wakko: In fact you're kind of weird!
Yakko: But we like you just the same!
The Warners: 'Cause you're the only one of you there are!! Baba-dootin baba-dootin' baba-doo-bah!!!
Variety Speak (Hooray for North Hollywood version)​[​edit​]
Wakko: In Hollywood, they have a certain way they like to talk. It's used by all those folks who can't chew gum and also walk.
Yakko: It's found inside Variety, a movie magazine.
Wakko: And everyone who reads it wonders what the headlines mean.
Yakko: Like "Mitch makes a pitch, and he's gonna get rich"...
Wakko: Means someone's got a movie that sold.
Yakko: "Brando's mad, says the screenplay's bad"...
Wakko: Means someone else was offered the role.
Yakko: It's called Fargo Two with a story that's new"...
Wakko: Means they're gonna shoot it all in LA.
Yakko: "The budget got maxed, so someone got faxed"...
Wakko: Everybody's on the carpet, so the writer got the axe.
Dot: Well, "Merchandise scores in the theme park stores"...
Yakko: And Disney is the king of the hill.
Dot: "Michael Ovitz in talks with 20th Fox"...
Yakko: Means he wants another ninety-three mil.
Wakko: If you want the poop...
Dot: Or ya need the scoop...
Yakko: On Hollywood Town this week...
The Warners: You're gonna have to learn to talk that Variety speak!
Chorus Girls: Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah, Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!
Yakko: "Studio bomb, gets Oscar nom"...
Dot: Means all the actors gotta be Brits.
Wakko: "Bronfman's play for MCA"...
Yakko: Means the Japanese are calling it quits.
Wakko: "No scripts are new" means Jurassic Park 2...
Dot: And a trillion little dinosaur toys.
Yakko: "The cash flows nice, they're releasin' it twice" since it isn't out on video, they're jackin' up the price.
Dot: Well, "Studio Czar wants unknown star"...
Yakko: Means they couldn't get Robert Duvall.
Wakko: But "They're in trouble again, doing Mice and Men"...
Dot: With Martin Short and Steven Seagal.
The Warners: You gotta stay alive and if you wanna survive in Hollywood Town this week, you're gonna have to learn to talk that Variety speak!
Chorus Girls: Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah, Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!
Yakko: Normal talk makes producers walk...
Dot: You might as well speak Greek.
Yakko: You're gonna have to learn...
Wakko: Or the meeting will adjourn...
The Warners: Unless, my friend, you learn that Variety speak!
All: Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah, bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah! Bop, doo, bop, doo, bop, doo, bah, dah!
L.A. Dot[edit]
Dot: L.A. Dot, L.A. Dot, that's the sign that the bus has got written up where everyone can see me, L.A.D.O.T. Spells L.A. Dot; Who'd've thought the one so cute could be this hot? The metro line has built a sign for me. When I go walking down the street all the folks I chance to meet will wave and smile and throw a fuss 'cause I'm the girl whose name is on the metro bus! And no else has that spot. Meryl Streep and Cher do not, Madonna, she is totally not. No, the only name there's L.A. Dot! 'Cause I'm the best still, I'm floored; Who'd have guessed I'm so adored? You'd think I'd be conceited but I'm not.
Crowd: No, no!
Dot: I'm just simple, humble, gorgeous L.A. Dot! I'm overwhelmed. Quite a lot. Blown away; I kid you not! Who would have expected for a sign to be erected saying L.A. Dot? But hey, why not? I am a star from the Warner lot who they're thinkin' of 'cause they're all in love with me. So if, my friends, you chance to spot a great big bus with "L.A. DOT" no need to ask or wonder why you know that it was put there by my loyal fans who clap their hands and cheer while banging pots and pans they'll greet me now with marching bands a lot.
Crowd: Yeah, yeah!
Dot: Yes, they put me on the bus so that every one of us could see that they love L... A...
Yakko: Dot, excuse me, but that's not your name. L.A.D.O.T. stands for Los Angeles Department Of Transportation.
Dot: Oh. Well. You can find me on my web page spot. It's www.dot.dot.
Yakko and Wakko: Dot dot Dot!
It's New Year's Eve[edit]
Dot: Should auld acquaintance be forgot and everybody cheer. We've managed somehow, friends, to make it through another year.
Yakko: Let's stay up late, let's celebrate, and then count down from ten 'cause tomorrow when we wake up, guys, the whole thing starts again. It's New Year's Eve and I'm a beauty dressed up in my tuxedo suit got a shirt and vest that are starched and pressed like new. I do, and I'm lovin' the view!
Wakko: 'Cause it's New Year's Eve and I'm lookin' swell with a white carnation in my lapel got a coat and tie and I can't deny it's true.
Dot: It's New Year's Eve and I do believe I'll hit all of the restaurants in sight. The party's at Sardi's and old Guy Lombardi's doing the countdown tonight.
Yakko: Well, it's New Year's Eve; let the party rock, Let's dance, and then, when it's 12:00. We'll sing them tunes and we'll pop balloons with a cheer!
Crowd: Ear ear!
Dot: Bring out the confetti; we're ready. Hey, Happy New Year! It's New Year's Eve, so let's all get dressed in a tux or gown; when you look your best, you're the belle of the ball, you're the one that they all came to see!
Crowd: Happy new year!
Dot: Happy new you, my friend, and happy new me! Mwah!
Wakko: May auld acquaintance be forgot on New Year's Eve, they say.
Dot: Let's give a cheer; a brand-new year will soon be here to stay.
Yakko: Let's drink our fill o' sasparilla.
Wakko: We're too young for champagne.
The Warners: And every New Year's Eve. It's time to scream and go insane!
Yakko: It's New Year's Eve and it's almost here. We'll dance and swing from the chandelier and we'll all go nuts. When the ribbon cuts, we'll cheer.
Dot: When midnight comes, we'll cut a rug. We'll toast each other and kiss and hug as the shouters and screamers throw all of those streamers right here.
Wakko: It's New Year's Eve, but don't you grieve 'cause another year's headed our way. It's gonna be great 'cause we're stayin' up late then tomorrow we'll sleep in all day.
Dot: It's New Year's Eve; gonna have a blast.
Yakko: The new one's here and the old one's past.
Wakko: So forget your worry And everyone hurry, you hear?
The Warners: It's OK, be a jerk, go berserk; Have a Happy New Year!
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