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Recommendations for Mitigating B-Lunch Crowds
“The Radish offers satire and parody as commentary and critique on matters of public interest. No article posted on the Radish should be taken literally or viewed as representing truthful statements of the individuals or organizations which may be mentioned in the articles.”
Olivia Dhavale, Guest Writer
October 22, 2021
Over the last month of school, lunch has changed from school’s sanctuary away from the fluttering of fluorescent lights, shrieks of chalk against the board, and an eerily warm seat in a frigid classroom into a period of dread and insecurity.  12:20 PM, you are sitting in the 40th minute of your 5th period class. Three hours and 50 minutes completed, 1 minute left until lunch. 1 minute. 
By the end of the 2020-2021 school year, most students had had enough of the desks and would much rather have sat through Mr. Buzsa’s health class rather than deal with seating. Administration listened to the students’ complaints and happily removed the desks, however, they somehow replaced the exclusion machines with something worse, 6 foot long tables for two. These 71 inch collapsible tables, that on Amazon are stated to be designed for 8, have students spaced out so aggressively that they only seat two.  Thanks to Radnor’s Covid-19 precautions, these new cafeteria staples ensure that you are 0.00112058 miles away from the person you are trying to converse with.
 The courtyard is not much better because of the limited amount of plastic lawn chairs. Once you are released from 5th period it is a race to the yard. The track sprinters have the obvious advantage, even showing off by taking laps around the courtyard to intimidate their prey. The cross country runners, who mostly sit amongst themselves,  also make good time and find their way outside along with soccer and field hockey. It’s those who take part in band and Latin club that really have to be strategic. 
A recent survey estimates that 90% of the student body occupies B lunch and that an astounding 12% of those students get a seat. Therefore, Radnor high schoolers have resorted to eating in the hallways, bathroom stalls, the language hallway and health classrooms. To solve this insufferable period in our day, I created 3 fool-proof solutions:
  1. Allow students to eat in the main gym: The administration has already taken this step, as Dr. Mcnamara announced on Friday. This lunch option also adds entertainment for High School employees, as it’s “hilarious” to watch 20% of students trying to eat in the gym trip while climbing up and down the bleachers with their lunches in hand. 
  2. Freshman should no longer have a scheduled lunch period: Lunch should be designated as an upperclassman privilege. No more packs of excessively loud JV football children taking up half the courtyard as if it were a mosh pit.
  3. Adding entertainment to the Back Gym: The back gym is not an eating location this year, so why not make it into a concert hall! We have access to great musicians right at our fingertips, Radnor’s very own band! Once students see the band’s performance, they will go ballistic to enter. This will in turn separate the 700 kids who have B lunch.
  4. Cancel Lunch in its entirety: School is meant to be a time for learning and just because you may be a little hungry, it should not disrupt your education. Should have had a bigger breakfast, sorry.
Insecurity, dreadfulness, inferiority, subordination, diffidentness — these are all adjectives that sufferers of the mental affliction, PTSD, describe as the cause of their illness. Students assigned to B lunch are already reporting these symptoms. Let’s solve the problem before it’s too late.
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