Murray Too Good To Hurry
Remember Barry Cowan? Andrew Castle? Chris Bailey? Of course you do, they're all working for the BBC having lost a match at Wimbledon.
John Lloyd is, of course, a champion in his own right. No not 'cos he got Chrissie down the aisle. No, he won the mixed doubles - twice.
It doesn't help that he's usually got Wimbledon legends McEnroe, Becker or Connors for company.
Any road, will Andrew Murray's glorious failure mean he has a bright future in the commentary box on Eurosport?
Well, no. This lad's got something. First of all, he looks like he could easily get a part as some dodgy teenage no-mark on The Bill.
Second, he yells his head off like a Hewitt after even the simplest of winners.
Third, he pumps his fists and gets the la-di-das of Wimbers roaring like Banshees.
Fourthly, he's good.
If he stays off the deep-fried confectionary, this lad can leave the likes of Cowan and co in the dim and dusty past.
It's all such a refreshing change from Tiger Tim - surely the most ironic nickname of recent times.
When Tim gets pumped up what does he do? Growl tigerishly? Invite the crowd to bellow his name as he clenches his dainty middle-class fists? No. Tim skips. He skips like a girl.
But Henman will return again to lose early on next year. And when he does slide into the seat next to Lloyd and Bailey - well, at least he can say he's been to three Wimbledon semi-finals.
Clive Woodward, Thousands Wouldn't
Hands up if you agree with anything Sir Clive Woodward's done on this Lions tour? That's no one then.
He's the World Cup-winning coach, you know. Amazing isn't it?
Forty five blokes in the squad for starters, which means everyone got a game and a half before the first Test. Stupid.
Wilkinson at centre. No explanation for that except maybe Clive is a bit besotted with him.
Henson not even on the bench? Perhaps Woodward has a problem with tanning cream and hair gel.
Lewsey on the wing when he's been great at full back, Ryan Jones not starting? And finally a lot of old Englishmen who weren't really ready.
God help me, I'm sympathising with the Welsh here. There is an old story which goes summat like: if you release a bunch of old caged lions they might not automatically rush around tearing lumps of flesh out of people.
They're just as likely to stay in their cages licking their feet. I think, 'Tyson' Grewcock aside, that's kind of what's happened. Still, they can't be this bad again. They're supposed to be lions - they must have some pride.
If it ain't broke...
Cricket's attempt to have fielding restrictions used more flexibly and to introduce substitutes is a bit desperate, I reckon.
It's inevitable that the sport has not reacted kindly. Most of the people involved in cricket gave up when women got the vote.
But having a captain faffing about with men in circles and introducing a sub whenever things get wobbly seems utterly one-sided to me.
If you're batting second, you hold all the cards. If you bat first you're just guessing what's the best thing to do. Fifty-over cricket matches are just dandy. Twenty-20's good too. Test cricket is thriving. Shut up and leave well alone.
MMIX
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