Four reasons parents don’t support their kids’ dreams
Stanford junior (and gymnast!) Jason Shen sent me some very sharp observations of why his Chinese parents and the parents of other Stanford students aren’t crazy about your wild career dreams. My thoughts follow each of his points below.
JS 1: Parents don't get much of the reward, but absorb a lot of the risk. Paul Graham has talked about this. What happens when you move to LA to make it big in Hollywood. Your parents don't get to go to the parties, meet tons of new people, acting in small roles, etc. They do have to deal with the risk of a broke, run down, crying and worse, coked-out child coming home to mom and dad when things don't work out. That risk is a lot lower when someone becomes a doctor or biomedical engineer
IY: Right on. If when your parents ask you How’s work? and you give them the same dull answer you gave when they asked How’s school? (Fine.) then it will be impossible for them to see the reward of doing what you love. (And if all you’re saying is Fine you’re probably not doing what you love.) This is what cell phones and digital cameras and e-mail are for. Don’t just put your photos on facebook. Show the most clean fun ones to your parents. Call home once a week and act like you like it.
I have a friend who quit his high school teaching job in Kansas to move to Nashville to play music. He sends a documentary video of his new life to his parents about once a month. And they get so excited that I hear about it the next day from my mom who heard from my dad who works with Scott’s dad.
If we follow our hearts because we’re so in love with something we forget about the risk, the same can happen for your parents. Get them drunk on the dream so they forget about the worst-case scenario.
JS 2) Losing Face - Failure isn't just a problem of taking care of your child. Its also dealing with questions of "what is junior doing these days?" It's embarassing to have to say "oh, he's staying at home while he looks for a new job". Sure, this is shallow, but it is a real factor.IY: Yup, it’s shallow, but it is a huge factor. Not just your parents but for yourself. I know people whose biggest fear about quitting their jobs is having to answer the question What do you do? And unless they stop caring so much about what shallow people think or they start getting really busy doing something they love so they have a real answer, they’ll stay stuck forever.
Now back to your parents. You have to be to your parents what Karl Rove is to Dub-ya. Feed them the lines, tell them what to say, explain why it’s good, show them how to sell it. Your parents are not dumb people (Where you think you got your smarts? IQ is genetic). They just don’t have the same information you have. Every winter my dad writes his annual state-of-the-family updates to send to friends and relatives, and every time he gets the names of my and my brothers’ summer programs and scholarships completely wrong. I used to get ticked, but then I realized he just hasn’t seen the names as many times as I have. The letterhead from Economics for Leaders Presented by the Foundation for Teaching Economics had dozens of impressions on my eyes and zero on his. All he heard was me saying I’m going to economics camp. So he took his best guess.
If you go to law school or medical school or you’re a teacher or a fireman, your parents will get it right because they’ve heard of that stuff before. But chances are your dream job isn’t that easy to explain. I, for one, don’t have an official title in my day job and I have several other projects that are important to me. But for now I just tell my parents to say Ian's a writer. and mention one notable thing I’ve worked on. If you’re not employed in the traditional sense, then that needs to change to She’s working on ______. And if the outsider tries to clarify So she still works for that insurance company? Your parents can say. No, she left to do this because this is a better opportunity for her. But only if you teach them.
JS 3) Not Wanting to See Your Child Hurt Kill the dream early, so they won't get hurt later on when they don't get it. Yes, a terrible strategy, but one that actually happens. Parents tell their kids not to run across the street because they can't bear to see their child get hit by a car. In the same way, they encourage kids to take the safe way in a career, in life.
IY: Get your parents to realize that you will hurt a million times more if you don’t go after your dream than if you just don’t quite reach it. (If you think this answer is too short, read it again.)
JS 4) Financial Concerns Many parents, especially of the Asian community, rely on their children as their retirement. This is not a good thing, but it happens. They would rather their child be in a stable, corporate, big company job with benefits and a nice salary then off trying to start their own business. Because an organization man can better care for them and help them with their living expenses and health care costs. Again, I don't support this, but it does happen.
IY: You have to educate your parents about personal finance as much as yourself. If you never talk about the money, they’ll never even think about possibilities other than you working for Bank of America. If you impress them with your financial knowledge and show them numbers for different scenarios, they’ll begin to gain confidence in you and at least be willing to compromise. My parents trust me about the money factor in my own career and life because I’m helping them learn about the money game, too.
I got them to read Rich Dad, Poor Dad, so they believe in the power of starting your own business. We play the Rich Dad boardgame Cashflow 101 and talk about assets and liabilities. And recently I helped them move money they had earning 2% interest in CDs at the local bank to an FDIC-insured savings account with ING Direct that pays over 4%. They got $25 for nothing, twice as much interest, and more access to their assets. And my stock rose in their eyes because I showed I know something about how personal finance works.
If you thought Jason Shen's prompts were right on the money like I did, you might also enjoy his
- post "So what are you going to do with your biology degree?"
- "Finding yourself in 7 days" project (scroll to the bottom and read up)
If you or your parents want the special referral link from ING Direct that gives you $25 for opening a high-interest savings account with just $250 or more, write to me or use the form at http://ianybarra.com/goodstuff.
Posted by Ian Ybarra on 28 October 2006 Permalink
No, I will teach you to be rich.
Read this.
AOL Small Business: "Do what you love; Get rich"
Great stories about how turning what you love into your business can turn you into a very wealthy person. (My favorite: How one woman started a sports magazine for women that's growing like crazy, even after Sports Illustrated for Women went kaput.)
If you're doing what you truly love, there will be few others (if any) who will know their stuff as well as you, work as hard as you, or be willing to sacrifice as much as you to make things happen.
Makes me wonder...if I do what I love, do I even need to read stuff like IWillTeachYouToBeRich.com, FinishRich.com, and RichDad.com?
Yeah, I probably do.
But, although doing what you love is no substitute for financial literacy, I think it's a great complement.
I've noticed that the more specific goals I have, the wilder the dreams I come up with, the more conscious I am of what I spend my money on. Because committing to doing what I love gives me reason for my money. Every time I'm about to waste money, I can't help but think "I shouldn't do this. I could use this money for something I want more."
The finance gurus concur.
It's why every time I hear a story of someone saving money using David Bach's "latte factor," I hear about what they put that saved money toward...a mortgage payment, a vacation, etc.
And it's why Ramit at IWillTeachYouToBeRich.com asks people to figure out why they want to be rich in addition to tracking what they spend their money on.
Posted by Ian Ybarra on 29 August 2006 Permalink
Internship opportunities
I* have several cool projects for which I’m accepting interns right now. If you or someone you know wants in on one (or two), let me know at ian*AT*ianybarra*DOT*com (*Quick bio at bottom of post if this is first you've heard of me)
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THE WORK
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Jessica's Good People – Inspired by my friend and mentee Jessica Pierce, this will be a celebration of people doing good to perpetuate Jessica's legacy and raise money for her memorial scholarship fund.
Guerrilla marketing for a baseball equipment company - Just like what Hugh Macleod is doing for English Cut and Stormhoek.
BASEBALL - several outrageous baseball projects, so if you're a baseball nut, let's talk.
Ferrazzi/NeverEatAlone projects
Spreading the word about global warming - a website/tool that will be simple but effective.
Marketing/publicity for a major business book
A web 2.0 app all about consumer brands
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SKILLS REQUIRED
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Writing (no need to have a laundry list of published works, just some ability and desire to improve)
OR
Web design
(but I'll be even happier if you can do both)
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WHAT'S IN IT FOR YOU
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These internships are unpaid, so you won't get rich, but you can get...
- new skills
- a cool work experience to show off to future employers in resumes and interviews
- recommendations from me to people I know or reference letters for grad school or scholarships or whatever you might need
- consideration for a real job with Keith Ferrazzi or with me (my last intern got a full-time offer to work for Keith)
- all the personal career advice you want
This is exactly the kind of opportunity I would have jumped on as a college student (however, I am not restricting this to college students...everyone is welcome).
If you have any interest in doing a cool project related to baseball, Web 2.0, nonprofits, media, book publishing, blogs, business gurus, community building, product creation, marketing, etc...let me know.
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* BIO BULLETS and other relevant stuff I've done
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- Grew up on baseball, football, and wrestling in Smallville, Kansas
- Attended college at MIT, studied materials science and engineering
- Advised an entrepreneurship class for four years
- Helped start largest internship program at MIT
- Had internships at GE Aircraft Engines and IncTank Ventures
- Wrote for Inc. magazine
- Helped to edit and market Keith Ferrazzi's bestselling book NEVER EAT ALONE
- Got a contract with a top publisher to co-author book to help companies recruit college students for internships and full-time jobs
- Helped brother get into Stanford and get internship at Negro Leagues Baseball Museum
- Helped Mike get internship at Easton Sports, where they "don't hire interns"
- Helped Ben muster the guts to quit a master's degree program in something he didn't love and move from Smallville to Nashville to pursue his music dreams
- Helped many more people start thinking about doing what they love by writing at http://ianybarra.com/blog
And more...
Contact ian*AT*ianybarra*DOT*com
Posted by Ian Ybarra on 29 August 2006 Permalink
Danger Mouse doing what he loves
Sure you heard the hit song "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley. Here's what the duo's Danger Mouse says in Rolling Stone about making the album St. Elsewhere.
We didn’t worry about who would listen to it or what station would play it. We were just trying to impress each other.
Link: Rolling Stone - "Gnarls Barkley: This Summer's Weirdest Breakthrough"
Posted by Ian Ybarra on 25 August 2006 Permalink
The 10 Hottest Careers for College Graduates
Yeah, that's a headline that can grab your attention, but what else can it do?
For as little as my parents and I talked when I was younger about what I would do for work after college, one thing I remember them doing frequently was giving me articles to read that they saw in Newsweek or syndicated in a regional newspaper with headlines like
10 Fastest Growing Occupations for College Graduates
The 25 Fastest Growing Jobs for College Graduates
Employment Outlook for College Graduates
I remember reading them and feeling like I was receiving instructions from the government or the media or some authority that was telling me which job I would have. Or which 10 jobs I could choose from. Either way, I wasn't excited because few of the jobs on the list seemed like they'd be fun for me.
Now I realize that the sad thing is that even if a job on one of those lists might be a dream job of a certain individual, if she pursues the job in the slightest part because of those articles, she's not going to be happy later on.
Same goes for announcements of new degree programs. Saw this in Stanford's newsletter today...
In response to a serious shortage of genetic counselors, Stanford will launch a two-year program -- the only one of its kind in Northern California -- to train more professionals in the field. It is expected to begin in the fall of 2007. http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2006/july26/med-genetic-072606.html
I had never heard of the genetic counseling profession, and it sounds cool for the right people. Perhaps those who are attracted to helping people with very important issues but they aren't drawn to financial advising, they want more concrete and data-driven situations than what's encountered in psychiatry, and they're into healthcare but don't want to go to med school. But I wonder how many current undergraduates who are considering graduate school as merely a way to delay deciding what they want to do next will apply to that degree program just because it's new. Just because it's news.
When you see articles like "Where opportunities lie for tomorrow's graduates" with lines like "By 2014, nearly 270,000 new accounting jobs will be created," just know that it might be useful to economists and entrepreneurs, but it's not something to plan your career or live your life by. By 2014, I'm sure there will be 270,000 other people who chose to do accounting for the wrong reasons, so there's no need for you to go into it if you don't want to.
Posted by Ian Ybarra on 22 August 2006 Permalink | TrackBack (0)
Why do I get chain letters like this from people at jobs they don’t like?
The full story is below (minus the typical "God doesn't love people who don't forward stuff" threat at the end), but for those of you short on time, here are the two lines you need to read most.
You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!Have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets.
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The first day of school our professor challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.
Continue reading "Why do I get chain letters like this from people at jobs they don’t like?"
Posted by Ian Ybarra on 11 August 2006 Permalink | TrackBack (0)
It will never be easier than now...
…to do what you love.
Ramit asks What’s easier now than later?
Although I’m not old enough to know much about the later, I'd bet everything that this answer is correct: Doing what you love.
Why?
Seth Godin says “Dreaming was easier” when he was in his 20s. Now he has to “push” himself to do it.
Meetpaul Singh says it was once easier to take the “risk to discover and pursue one's passions. I think back to starting a company and joining business school and medical school all within a few years. What was I thinking? Could I do it now? I’m not sure.”
And in Ramit’s original post, he seconds that motion, saying “taking risks in investing and life” is easier because you don’t have anything to lose.
And, my personal favorite, it’s easier to live “in situations your parents would abhor.” How much money do you really need?
I recently calculated that if I lived with my parents and cut out my traveling, I could live on less than $200 a month. Hmmm….tempting. It would be tough, but if it enabled me to do what I love most, it would be totally worth it.
(courtesy of Hugh Macleod at GapingVoid)
Posted by Ian Ybarra on 2 August 2006 Permalink | TrackBack (0)
