As dessert ended, the woman in the red dress got up and stumbled toward the bathroom. Her husband, whose head had been sinking toward the bûche de Noël, put a clumsily lecherous arm around the reluctant hostess. As coffee splashed into porcelain demitasse cups, the woman in the red dress returned, sank sloppily into her chair and reached for the Courvoisier. Someone gently moved the bottle away. “Are you shaying I’m drunk?” she demanded. Even in the candlelight I noticed that the lipstick she had reapplied was slightly to the left of her lips. Her husband, suddenly bellicose, sprang from his chair to defend his wife’s honor. But on the way across the room he slipped and went down like a tray of dishes. “Frank! Are you hurt?” she screamed. Somehow she had gotten hold of the brandy. “S’nothing,” he replied, “just lay down for a little nap. Can I bum a smoke?”
That dinner party was almost 10 years ago; it was the last time I saw anyone visibly drunk at a New York party. The New York apartments and lofts which were once the scenes of old-fashioned drunken carnage — slurred speech, broken crockery, broken legs and arms, broken marriages and broken dreams — are now the scene of parties where both friendships and glassware survive intact. Everyone comes on time, behaves well, drinks a little wine, eats a few tiny canapés, and leaves on time. They all still drink, but no one gets drunk anymore. Neither do they smoke. What on earth has happened?
If alcoholism is an addiction — which it is — how can people control their drinking just because it is no longer acceptable to get drunk? What about smoking, another addiction? Addicts are supposed to be powerless; is a little social disapproval more powerful than all the rehabilitation centers and 12-step programs and fancy new drugs?
Does fashion trump addiction?
Addiction specialists and scientists have identified three causes of most addictions: early trauma, genes, and environment. Still, addiction has eluded all attempts at a precise definition or a complete understanding. In most models, environment is thought to be the least of the three so-called causes. But maybe environment is the elephant in the room. In an environment where it is not attractive to get drunk, no one gets drunk.
In his brilliant book about addiction, “America Anonymous,” Benoit Denizet-Lewis describes an experiment done by Vancouver professor Bruce Alexander in which rats in small cages were compared to rats in a specially designed Rat Heaven, a room where lab rats had everything that lab rats like. The rats in cages drank 16 times as much of the sugary morphine solution offered than the rats in Rat Heaven. Can addictions be controlled just by circumstances? Are parties and vacations an overlooked way to treat alcoholism?
In the old days, drunkenness was as much part of New York City society as evening clothes. This is the city where Zelda Fitzgerald jumped wildly in the fountain in front of the Plaza, the city of “Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” written by another fabulous alcoholic, Truman Capote. It’s the city of late nights with sloshed celebrities at the Stork Club. It’s the city that gave its name to Manhattans and Bronx Cocktails, the city of John O’Hara and Frank O’Hara, of drunken brilliance and brilliant drunks.
I don’t drink. I know the savage, destructive power of alcoholism. It’s a soul stealer. Yet, there’s a mischievous part of me that misses all that extreme behavior, all those nasty but somehow amusing surprises, all that glamor even when so much of it ended in pain, institutions and early death. For us sober people there is a kind of drunkenfreude to watching others embarrass themselves, mangle their words and do things they will regret in the morning — if they even remember them in the morning.
After our host poured the woman in the red dress and her husband into a taxi that long ago night, we all chortled over our nightcaps at their behavior. In his sober years my father used to mix killer martinis for guests and then watch with amusement as they tried to navigate down the stairs of his house to the driveway — stairs that they had bounded up so easily a few hours earlier.
There are certainly moments when it is embarrassing not to drink. A friend will start to pour me a glass of wine and then apologize profusely. At a party someone will notice my club soda and decide to make an issue of it. Why can’t I just have a little white wine? But there were many more embarrassing moments when I did drink, and that’s what watching other people get drunk helps me remember. For me, the psychology is often in reverse. I learn from seeing what I don’t want and avoiding it, rather than from seeing what I do want and aspiring to it. I have been to many wonderful Christmas parties in the last decade and seen many glorious women behave with dignity and grace. I don’t remember them. It’s the woman in the red dress I won’t forget.
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New Yorkers are gradually, grudgingly, getting more civilized. So it goes.
— Eddie“That dinner party was almost 10 years ago; it was the last time I saw anyone visibly drunk at a New York party.”
…
On the other hand, I’ve been to a lot of New York parties and I can say with certainty: no, people are in fact still drinking.
— a curious readerThis is simply a sign of an aging population. The boomers that once new how to tie one on are now old and boring. Sorry, it had to be said.
— tyler durdenI don’t forget the unpleasent memories of drunken behavior I’ve witnessed either. Just wish I could.
— christineAll that has happened, is that you got older.
— Tim R.New York strikes me as a sort of generic, all-American city. I only lived there for four years till this year but was disappointed at how bland it seemed. True, there are plenty of great characters and friends, but my idea of the place (I had visited in 1985) was different. Only exception: la comunidad latina. Porque sabemos vivir. Please, I’ll pass on the canapes and California wine…
— Roberto Barnard BacaThis article is off the mark. The average person who would get drunk at dot-com boom parties was not an alcoholic. They were just following social norms when they drank and when they stopped. Alcoholics are different. They don’t stop drinking because of a little social pressure.
The meaning of the rat example isn’t clear. We don’t know why the caged rats drank a lot of solution.
No, parties and vacations are not overlooked ways to treat alcoholism and it’s offensive to treat this terrible illness so glibly. I suppose you think chronic fatigue syndrome would be cured by a week in Hawaii, too.
And I wish you’d told us what happened when your dad’s guests stumbled into the driveway and behind the wheel.
— mimiWell written! It seems the new Puritanism started sooner than we thought. First drinking, then smoking and next conspicuous consumption!
— Jack JackYounger folks are just more conservative and dull these days, and their solitary internet addictions isn’t helping much to color their personalities either. Myspace ain’t a replacement for a live visit to Theirplace.
— Joe SchmoeThe reason you no longer see people getting falling down drunk is that you’re ten years older.
Go to the post-college bars on the upper west and east side or the NYU bars downtown and you’ll see the drinking-life going strong in New York.
That said, it’s terrible your friends make you feel bad about not drinking. They seem to be the ones that need to grow up.
— Michelle TGreat article. I also don’t drink and can relate to viewing many scenes like the ones highlighted in the article. If things are changing, I think that’s great.
— bauhausblackSusan I wasn’t in New York ten years ago, but I can assure you wild parties are still being held in the tiny apartments that we call home. But in ten years, I probably won’t be aware of these parties either. The attitude of “New York just isn’t what it used to be” is so high school bitchy, so tired, and so easy.
I do commend you on your sobriety, a very difficult diet to maintain in this socially hyperactive city.
— BrookeI would submit that the more likely cause of Ms. Cheever not seeing so many drunkards has more to do with her sobriety than with some complex social mechanisms at work. Certainly, as a recovering alcoholic, she can attest to the fact that no one chooses alcoholism — it chooses you — and that no amount of societal disapproval will keep people who love to drink from drinking.
No, the reason answer is probably that Ms. Cheever hasn’t been hanging out with drunks as much lately. I wouldn’t know, but that’s my guess. And that drunks really don’t like hanging out with sober people who make them hyper-aware of their drinking.
I would counsel Ms. Cheever in her analysis to “keep it simple”. There are just as many alcoholics out there as there used to be. . . they are just visible to HER is all. They’re elsewhere with other people.
— Christian in NYCHow old is Ms. Cheever? 10 years since she’s seen a drunk at a party… The twenty-somethings are still getting smashed, and will tone it down in the 10 years it takes for them to begin raising a family and grow into their professions. There’ll be too much at stake to risk being seen as a lush.
— Ed BudzilowiczWell yes, I too used to be the sober and cynical onlooker. But just think of the intense joy there is in holding that cold martini in one hand and a burning cigarette in the other! Isn’t one point of a really excellent party to triumph over slurred speech and lechery? To stay standing and polite in spite of your fifth drink? I’d rather risk the embarrassment than miss the challenge of balancing such dangerous extremes.
— RobertI gave up drinking 23 years ago. I, too, have Drunkenfrude. Inevitably, someone consumes too much at a party and blows it. It is amusing, and more than a little sad. When I used to drink, it was I who rushed to inebriation. I much prefer to be a sober, watchful party goer.
— Bill MacKayIt seems the trend may have to do more with the author getting older and frequenting different circles than anything else.
— MarilynnHow sanctimonious this article sounds, whether intentional or not.
It speaks volumes of all that’s wrong with our society in America that people can’t let their “hair” down once in a while - God forbid smoke a cigarette without a holier than thou person like the writer here looking down his/her nose at them.
I’m not longing for a day when everyone is drunk beyond repair or back to smoking like chimneys - but a little naughty behaviour goes a long way towards helping to bring people together and promote understanding.
It occurs to me that Ms Cheever’s a reformed drinker or even alcoholic who’s “seen the light”. That’s great for her. But, leave a little fun for the rest of us that haven’t gone that far down the drinking road.
— Marcos GarciaMarcos
You get older. And your alcoholic friends hate parties now that they can’t drink. Happend to me.
— markIt is interesting that the writer does not seem to distinguish between being an alcoholic and enjoying alcohol. Those of us who have a couple of glasses of wine with our evening meal (or the French?) are not addicts, we just like a glass of wine in the same way that we like a cup of coffee (to relax or to perk us up), and are not at risk of falling flat on our faces.
I agree that alcoholic excess has a lot to do with environment or peer pressure - looking at the binge drinking problem amongst teenagers and twenty somethings in the UK at the moment. It is also connected to a need to escape.
But for those of us who are fairly happy with our lives, it just requires a bit of self-control - downing the bottle does not make for a better evening than a few glasses. Just as I generally only order one dessert at the end of a meal rather than 10.
— Steve MartinI don’t know what city Susan Cheever is living in, maybe she is strictly talking about “society” parties, or maybe she and those she parties with have just gotten older. I’m pretty sure that at every party I’ve been to recently, most of those attending (including myshelf) were totally drunk. In fact, since 9/11/01 it seems that most of the people I know have been self medicating more often than they used to.
— Carl StronzoYou just aren’t going to the right parties.
— peteExcellent column and an extremely interesting observation about the environment trumping addiction. I’ve also noticed much less drunken behavior at parties the last few years. I think some of it has to do with the push toward a healthier lifestyle generally. it began with the death of the “three-martini lunch” and has continued, fortunately, into the after-work party. It’s cool to drink water!
As for me, I still will have a couple of drinks at a gathering, but more often than not I opt for light beer instead of wine or mixed drinks. And I feel A LOT better the next morning!
As for smoking, fortunately I never developed the habit. And frankly it always upset me, as a non-smoker, to go to a party or a bar and come home smelling like a smokestack. I used to turn a hair dryer on my clothes (a little secret to get rid of the smell of smoke on your wardrobe!) Thank God, we no longer have that problem in New York City. It’s sooo wonderful to go to a restaurant, bar, or party and not see a cloud of smoke hanging in the air!
— MarkMVery interesting social commentary… I have seen this trend lately in New York as well and I wonder if the rest of the country will soon follow suit. I also wonder if this might be a reflection of the current economic situation. As bank accounts become increasingly reserved, behaviors seem to be headed in the same direction.
— Alexandrahmmm. . . . seem to me that none of the 30 somethings in my circle have apartments in new york big enough to host a house party, Courvoiser or not.
Drinking till drunk still seems pretty popular in the bars I go to.
— t-bone