Friday January 16, 2009
Let's not pretend to be shocked at the barrage of Barack Obama T-shirts, key chains and coffee mugs. What do you expect in fast-buck, fad-a-minute America?
The inauguration has taken custom-branding to a ridiculous new levels, with Obama condoms, basketball sneakers, and bobblehead dolls.
Want a Barack Obma rookie card? Topps has released a 90-card set commemorating the election of the 44th president, featuring images from his early days in Hawaii, his college years at Columbia and Harvard, and his time as a community organizer.
Topps has even issued a blank "First Dog" card, which they're promising to redeem, once the Obamas choose a pet.
And for Obama-after-dark celebrating, Hollandia America is now offering a $40,000 "Inaugural Dream Bed," featuring a retractable basketball hoop, iPod charger, and red phone for those 3a.m. calls Hillary warned about.
The bed also features a retractable Flat Panel HDTV, state-of-the-art Sony Bravia home theater, a five-speaker sound system with subwoofer, and an iPod docking station -- the perfect way to sleep off the recession.
Stick with me as we explore all the excesses of "Inaugural Obama!" I'll heading down to D.C. on Monday. And I'm going to do my best to keep you folks updated, not with the political news, just with the nonsense.
Photo ©Hollandia International (Top) Topps Co. (Bottom)
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What's Gross About Pulling Out Your Eye and Eating It?
Wednesday January 14, 2009
Sorry to blog this so early in the morning, but this story should keep you nauseous at least through lunch.
Andre Thomas -- a death row inmate in Texas -- was found covered in blood, after pulling out his eye and "ingesting it," a prison official said.
But that's not the gross part.
This is the second time Thomas has pulled out one of his eyes. The picture shown here was taken three years ago at the Grayson County Jail after killing his wife, her 13-year-old daughter and their 5-year-old son, ripping out their hearts. He mutilated his right eye while awaiting trial.
That's totally disgusting … But the sickest part of the story is this:
Thomas was judged competent to stand trial. And since pulling out his second eye, he's been transferred to a prison psychiatric unit of the East Texas Medical Center, where he is still awaiting an execution date.
As his lawyer told the Sherman Herald Democrat: " He will finally be able to receive the mental health care that we had wanted and begged for from day one."
Photo Courtesy of the Texas Department of Criminal Justice
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Wii Fight Lands Couple in Court
Tuesday January 13, 2009
How can we expect our children to play nicely with their Wii games if adults are slugging it out?
You'd expect a 26-year-old guys to be happy to get a Wii for Christmas. But Heath Blom of Portsmouth, N.H., wanted a remote control airplane. And now, as a result of a hair-pulling, fist-flying fight, both he and his girlfriend are facing what one paper called "his-and-hers assault charges."
We're seeing an awful lot of tragic immaturity recently. In Britain, a teenage father demonstrated that he couldn't even spell the word "father."
And for monumentally bad parenting, we turn to Lousiana, where a woman faces murder charges for putting her 5-month-old in the dryer, apparently because she wanted to watch a TV show. Now, her life is a TV show.
Related: Weird Mug Shots
Photo © Portsmouth (N.H.) Police Dept.
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Huge Hippo Heinie
Monday January 12, 2009
Can the paparazzi be any more crass?
Since giving birth late last year, Kathi the Hippo and her calf, Paula, are the biggest stars at the Berlin Zoo. But like every celebrity mom, she's had to put up with the nonstop antics photographers prying into her every move.
All this photo proves is that I do not have the biggest butt in the world.
Let's give Kathi a break. Baby Paula weighed about 80 lbs. when she was born Nov. 29, and it's going to take some time for her to get back in shape. And let's also acknowledge that two tons is "in shape' when you're a hippopotamus.
Contrary to popular belief, adult hippos can't swim. They travel through water by pushing themselves off the bottom of whatever they're wading in. Paula, a baby, can kick through the water, or rest on her mom's back.
Of course, the paparazzi will have to get off Kathi's back to give Paula some room.
Photo © Sean Gallup/Getty Images
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