Dear Lesbian Life:

I am in a relatively new relationship with a more experienced woman. I am 40, but have had limited experiences and was in a 13 year relationship with limited physical interactions. My new girlfriend of three months is 47 and has much more experience than I do. She has expressed the desire to shower together and take baths together with soft music, wine, and candles. I am concerned because I don't know what to do in the shower or tub with her. I would imagine there would be a lot of touching
and kissing, but is that all? I would like to have prior knowledge on what to expect so as not to disappoint her. Could you help? What do people do in the shower and tub together?

Dear Tubby,

How great that your new girlfriend is showing new things and experiences. Taking a bath together can be very sensual and romantic. Want to plan a romantic bath with your partner? Here's how:

1. Get a nice bottle of wine or champagne (if you drink) and some light appetizers...keep reading.

_{© Roger Kirby}

She said my advice to her was helpful, so I thought I'd publish it here in case it can help other people as well. This was her question to me:

I'm a freshman in high school, and I believe myself to be bisexual. People say it's a phase and I'll get over it. I don't believe them. I came out as a bisexual in the 7th grade. Now I think I'm a lesbian. I think. Strangely I'm not completely physically attracted to men. Like below their belt doesn't interest me. Is it because I'm too young? I'm attracted to women both physically and emotionally. But only emotionally towards men. In my past men were the controllers and they scared me. In third grade was when I first started finding a slight interest in girls. I was afraid at first. I ignored it until I met someone in 7th grade. Which I mentioned before was when I came out. I just don't know what to do. Also considering at this time I'm dating a boy. I honestly don't know what to do at the moment...

Here's what I told her:

Dear Thinking,

I get letters like yours every day. Many teens like you (and adults too!) question their sexuality. My message to you is the same as I would give to them. Just try to relax. Sexuality is fluid. It can change over a lifetime. If you enjoy the boy you are with, then stay with him. If you decide you only want to date girls, then make the move and break up with him. But try not to stress yourself out about this question. It takes time to figure it out. One day at a time. Tell yourself, "For today, I am ________(fill in the blank.)" Tomorrow when you wake up, do the same thing.

There is no need at your age, or at any age really, to define yourself for life. For some people, they know and they are sure from an early age who they are and who they love. For others, it takes time to figure that out. Some women come out as lesbian and then years later go back to men. Other times, women happily partner with men for years and then come out as lesbian. Some people identify as bisexual as teens and then realize later that they're really lesbian. Or really straight. Or really bi after all...keep reading.
_{© David Paul Morris/Getty Images}

Dear Lesbian Life:

I am a 14 yr old lesbian. I know there are a lot of questions out there about sex and I have a weird perspective on the whole ordeal. I'm worried that it may make my sexual orientation different. In my opinion I think sex is disgusting whether its with a guy or girl. I do not find penis or vagina attractive. I think they're both disgusting. I'm afraid that this makes me a unisex. Please tell me what this makes me.

Dear Wondering Teen,

I don't think unisex is the right word. Unisex is usually defined in terms of clothing or hairstyles and it means it can be worn by either sex. Like a jacket could be unisex.
I think the word you're looking for is asexual. Asexual people lack sexual attraction for either sex or have no desire for sex...keep reading.

_{© Ernesto Rios Lanz/Sexto Sol}

I just read a story about a man who went online and pretended to be a teenage lesbian with cancer so that young women would send him pictures of themselves naked.

It is so easy to represent yourself as something you are not online. Everyone, not just teenagers, should be cautious when giving out personal information on the internet. The most important thing is to listen to your gut. For example, I have a strong suspicion that there are men pretending to be lesbians on the Lesbian Life Forum. It's easy to just ignore these posters, even though, at times I am tempted to engage with them.

Are you doing all you can to protect your safety and your privacy online?

_{© Nathan Blaney/Getty Images}