Blog Guy, I am foreign person you help in the past, learning English as second language. Good morning.

Good morning, foreign person. What can I do for you today?

Welcome back to our regular feature, Human Remains in the News.

It seems burglars tried snorting the cremated remains of a man and two dogs, taken from a Florida home,  in the mistaken belief that the ashes were drugs.

I swear I am not making this up. The ashes were stolen a month ago, along with some other stuff, and police learned about the snorting this week when they arrested five teens in connection with another burglary attempt.

The most amazing thing is, this was only the week’s SECOND BEST story involving human remains.

Pope: Governments must protect minority Christians

He made reference to last week’s murder of Salman Taseer, the Muslim governor of Punjab province and an outspoken liberal, who was gunned down for opposing the law, which imposes a death sentence for those who insult the Prophet Mohammad.

I’ve just noticed recently that Reuters is following in the footsteps of AP and AFP in designating the Islamic prophet Mohammad as “The Prophet Mohammad”.

I as a Christian don’t consider him my prophet, and neither do, I’m sure, Jews, atheists, Hindus, Buddhists, etc.

Blog Guy, you’ve helped lots of people with unusual fashion needs, and I hope you can do something for me. I’m an attractive woman who was born with no neck.

You mean you have a very short neck, right?

No. I have no visible neck whatever. Damnedest thing you ever saw. Just a torso with a head on it. I mean, I can’t even look left and right at traffic lights.

As a humor blogger, if there’s one question I get more than any other it’s “Blog Guy, college is so darned expensive these days, how can I afford to send my kids there?”

That’s where I can help out. Not with my own original ideas, you understand, but by quoting an expert – let’s call him Dan – who knows money secrets normally available only to the super-rich.

Here’s Dan’s blog piece on the subject, but I’ll boil down his main points.

1. Set a savings goal