Taking Back From the Grating-est Generation

This year the leading edge of the baby boom will hit the traditional retirement age of 65. As a member of one of the unlucky generations that followed, let me be one of the first to say don't let the door hit your tie-dyed backside.

Sure, plenty of boomers are nice enough. But as a movement in American society, this so-called "me generation," born from 1946 to 1964, has suffocated us with their sheer numbers and stunning self-indulgence.

Witness the wall-to-wall overrated boomer creations. Their music, movies, TV shows, Al Franken, NPR, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Dylan, Bill Clinton, long hair, short hair, Starbucks, the designated hitter, Steve Jobs, his black turtlenecks, hedge funds, the Kennedys, and the mossy Rolling Stones. Someone stop them.

As generations go, the baby boomers are a little dense. They don't understand anything unless you give them cultural shorthand. Bonnaroo is Woodstock. Afghanistan is Vietnam. Every scandal that comes out of Washington is a "gate." Nothing recent ever lives up: Tiger Woods is no Jack Nicklaus. Every president is compared to John Kennedy, and fails.

Moreover, boomers ruin everything we create. Don't believe me? Just accept your mom's "friend" request on Facebook and ask her.

The baby boom has had to dominate our political and financial space. They have led us into wars and deficits. They have plundered the world's resources like no generation before, ruining the planet and leaving the clean-up to us.

It has been just as bad when it comes to wealth. Generations X, Y and Z work harder and earn less. In our latest recession, the youngest and oldest workers have been hit the hardest. Even those who have jobs are worse off. A 30-year-old worker earned an average of $40,000 in 1974. Today it's $35,000, adjusted for inflation. The middle class has disappeared on the boomers watch.

We have a $14 trillion deficit, $127,000 for every taxpayer. As 77 million baby boomers leave the work force, they won't be paying much in taxes—not that they ever did. Since they started voting in 1967, taxes have fallen across the board. In the highest income bracket rates have gone to 35% from 70%. Even the lowest income bracket has fallen by a third, to 10%.

Now, of course, boomers want to address the nation's terrible fiscal problems, but not by raising taxes, but cutting spending—the kind that will hurt younger people in their prime working years. And two things they won't touch are their own Medicare and Social Security payments.

Meanwhile, bet that they will subsidize their me-first retirements with reverse mortgages and 401(k) withdrawals. The latter will drag on the markets. And the former will break the chain of wealth transfer that has lifted every generation's standard of living until now.

Post-boomers—and their great, great grandchildren—can take America back. The first order of business is to vote. As the baby boom dies off, we're going to gain more influence at the ballot box. Combined, we could actually affect change now before the American Association of Retired Persons mobilizes them.

Secondly, and my real point here, is that we need to recapture what is rightfully ours. No violence will be necessary (even though we could take them). We can do it legally, through smart investments. And the beauty of it is that we can use those baby boomer vices against them. What follows is a semi-serious list of investment suggestions from a few advisers and boomers:

1. Hospital and retirement-home chains, drug companies, dental and medical equipment makers. The classic aging plays. Some names most often recommended: HCP Inc., Tenet Healthcare Corp., Sirona Dental, Merck & Co.

2. Florida real estate. A boom-and-swoon market if there ever was one. But demographics say the next boom is only a matter of time, and prices have never been lower.

3. Buy and then short gold. There are two types of gold buyers in the world: hip-hop artists and old people. Given that the rap universe is fairly limited, that leaves old people as the main gold market. They love gold. Gold jewelry. Gold trinkets. But love has its limits. When their 401(k)s run out, gold will be the first thing they sell.

4. Make your parents buy long-term-care insurance. If they refuse, buy it for them if you love them. If not, carpet the garage.

5. Beer and spirits companies. Robert Laura, a Michigan-based retirement adviser, points out that by 2020 the number of retirees with alcohol and other drug problems will leap 150% to 4.4 million-up from only 1.7 million in 2001. Buy InBev SA, Diageo PLC.

6. Art, gardening and pet supplies. When old people retire they tap their dormant inner artist and become fanatical about their begonias while giving Rover the love they should have given you. Home Depot, Central Garden & Pet Co. and Toro Co. are oft-mentioned names. Also watch for IPO of Michael's which is owned by Bain Capital and Blackstone Group Inc.

7. Make your own Tombstone Fund. For those that don't remember, the Tombstone Fund was launched in 1997 with the purpose of investing in "death-care" stocks: funeral-home chains and casket makers. It shut down in 2000, clearly an idea ahead of its time. Some starter names for your revival: Hillenbrand Inc., Matthews International Corp., and Service Corp. International.

It may seem morbid and exploitive. Profiting off the generation that gave us civil rights, equality for women, self-expression, improved public health, smoking bans and fax machines lacks a certain gratitude, one almost feels—guilty.

As Eileen Kessler, a 50-plus-year-old who works for a Washington-based web site designer, said, "Do I detect an air of jealousy? Our generation opened many doors that had previously been closed on all levels. Your picture is very skewed."

That is until you consider Alan Alda, soft rock, Steve Martin, nuclear power, wars in Grenada, Panama, Bosnia, Kuwait, Iraq (twice), Afghanistan and Sudan, money in politics, McMansions, peace signs, hippies, yuppies, neo-cons, Jerry Brown (twice), the Brady Bunch, nostalgia for the Brady Bunch and the Eagles... Doesn't the record speak for itself?

Write to David Weidner at david.weidner@dowjones.com