Saying 'thank you' to guests starts a marriage off right

Ah, "I do" — two words that brides and grooms long to say to each other and wedding guests eagerly wait to hear.

But there are two other equally important words spoken by wedded couples that are as powerful and as appreciated by their families and friends. These words are: "thank you."

While it is easy for many couples to get swept up in the hectic planning of their weddings, showing gratitude to family and friends before, during and after their wedding is not only proper etiquette, it's a heartfelt demonstration of the couple's understanding of the practice of love, said Priscilla Munson of Sacred Ceremonies in Long Beach, which provides wedding officiant services.

"A wedding is the celebration of the miracle and practice of love, so it's the perfect time and place to show one's gratitude," she said.

For today's couples, saying thanks is no longer just about generic thank-you cards. Instead, they are finding personalized ways to show their affection to guests.

Most couples care deeply about showing their gratitude to their family and friends, said Lisa Vorce, owner of the Santa Ana-based event planning company Oh, How Charming! "Getting married is a deeply profound transitional phase in a couple's life and thanking loved ones helps to ensure that the couple's community wants the best for the marriage," Vorce said. "Most couples realize that the magic of their day wouldn't happen without their family and friends' participation and support."

By including people in your wedding ceremony, you help them become invested in the success of your marriage, she said. "Appreciating people in your life is crucial in creating a feeling of community. It is also nice to ... thank everyone who helped you get to the place you are in your life when you tie the knot.

Making it special

Many couples personalize their gifts of gratitude, including writing a statement of thanks in wedding programs, leaving notes in their guests' hotel rooms or creating a slide show of photographs that highlights moments in the couple's relationship while including as many guests as possible in the presentation, Vorce said.

Some couples give their guests CDs of their favorite songs that remind them of special moments they've shared with their friends, while others give their wedding party members personalized gifts.

And some take time on their wedding day to have photos taken for their thank-you cards. Irene Hsu, 27, and Garrett Asay, 33, who married in San Clemente on Oct. 3, were delighted when their photographer, David Esquire, suggested they write "Thank You" in the sand following their wedding. The bride, originally from Taiwan, and the groom, from San Clemente, wrote the words in Chinese and English.

Will and Jennifer Pruess of Santa Monica, who married on April 17, posed for their "Thank-you" shots outside their reception held in San Juan Capistrano.

Thank-you cards can also be personalized by including a photo of the gift giver with the couple or by adding the scent of a signature flower at the wedding, said Helen Driscoll of InviteSite.com, a Pasadena company specializing in eco-friendly stationery.

"Graciousness is at the heart of a wedding, and a lovely thank-you note is the perfect expression with which to personally and formally end a gracious wedding," she said.

Giving to others

Doug, 35, and Andie Green, 30, of Mar Vista, chose not to buy party favors for the guests at their August wedding and instead donated a clarinet to Mr. Holland's Opus Foundation, a nonprofit organization that provides musical instruments to schools. The couple displayed it at their wedding with a framed note letting their guests know it would be given in their names.

"We decided to donate to a charity that supported music and arts in public schools because it breaks our hearts that children across the country are having that gift taken away from them," said Green, director of scripted programming for Fox International Channel.

When Aurelie and Simon Vanderhoek, both 38, of Long Beach got married in 2008 at the Earl Burns Miller Japanese Garden in Long Beach, most of their guests flew in from overseas. The bride was originally from France and the groom grew up in Australia. And they both wanted their guests to know how much they were appreciated.

"All our wedding plans were based on making everything meaningful, including saying a special vow during the ceremony to recognize everyone's participation in the making of our union and in giving us their commitment to continue to support and advise us throughout our marriage," Aurelie Vanderhoek said.

They treated out-of-town guests to dinners and spa services prior to the wedding. Munson of Sacred Ceremonies officiated at the wedding and, to show their gratitude, the couple gave her a 15th century Buddha statue that had been used during the ceremony.

"A wedding is really a time of expressing gratitude as the people that come to the ceremony and reception have a part in making up the fabric of each of the lives of the bride and groom, both as individuals and as a couple," said Wanda Wen, founder of West Hollywood's Soolip Paperie & Press, which sells high-end thank-you cards and other stationery.

"Yes, the wedding is about the couple, but it's also a time of celebration for the family and for the friends who have nurtured and supported the couple's love."

— Kim Kabar, Custom Publishing Writer