It's the "Chinese Democracy" of tour riders, the Dead Sea Scrolls of entertainer vanity, and probably the source material of one of the best jokes in "Wayne's World 2": It's the Van Halen tour rider from 1982! The Smoking Gun writes today that it received a copy of the document from relatives of Jack Belle, "a late New York businessman who booked concerts in upstate New York. Belle, who died in 1987 at age 43, promoted shows featuring acts ranging from Foghat and Golden Earring to The Police and The Who."

The 53-page (!) typed document lays out all sorts of fun dish about the band's culinary quirks, such as their appetite for "herring in sour cream," an astonishing thirst for Schlitz Malt liquor and the fact that two band members were vegetarians, along with an exceedingly gross stipulation for one tube of K-Y Jelly (presumably to be shared among the whole band?).

But the coup de gras was a single line that required a dish of M&M's backstage, but cleansed of all the wretched brown-colored ones.The band has said that the micro-managing demand was more of a test to see if promoters were actually reading the rider in its entirety than any kind of baroquely indulgent snack requirement. But it's on page 9, and it's magnificent. Were that bands become so inspired today. 

-- August Brown

Photo: Van Halen. Credit: Los Angeles Times