Monday March 7th 2011
Business travel
Gulliver
Doing business in New York
Unpeeling the Big Apple
Mar 3rd 2011, 16:50 by A.B.
OUR CORRESPONDENT in New York explains what visiting business travellers need to know about the teeming city.
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Things you should know:
After midnight, get a cab. At best, you'll spend half an hour waiting for a train. At worst, hobos in the subway will try to pee on you.
Don't walk through central park late at night. Either you'll trip over a couple of naked teenagers, or you'll get mugged. Neither one is all that great.
Cigarettes are more than twice as expensive as anywhere else in the US. Bring your own.
Most of the time, cart food is cheaper, cleaner and tastier than any nearby restaurant. Added bonus: the server has a brain, and he (most of them are male) usually doesn't want to chat.
Dinner for two at a nice restaurant is minimum $80. Dinner at a great restaurant costs a kidney and two toes.
Don't even look at hobos when they ask for something. If you do, they will keep asking. They won't take food, and they will bother you every time they see you again if you ever give them anything else. If you really want to help, call 311.
The subway is never on time. Neither are cabs. Going a mile will take you a lot longer than anywhere except LA or ATL. Plan around this when attempting to go to meetings.
You will walk. A lot. Don't wear heels. Do wear comfortable shoes. If you must wear something fancy and uncomfortable, put it in your bag and switch in a bathroom.
Pee before you leave. You will never find a bathroom. And if they do, you won't want to use it.
Cabs take credit cards. If a cab does not take a credit card, it's a gypsy cab and you are about to get reamed. Also you can enter your own tip amount. Finally, watch the cab on the on-screen map. If you notice lots and lots of turns, you're getting screwed and you can complain. Some rides are fixed rate, including airport ones. Check the in cab Passenger Bill of Rights for info, or look it up online.
Only the (very rare) big chains accept credit cards. A few other places will take cards, but have a minimum. Most places are cash only. Bring cash. If your bank is Wachovia, you will never find an atm. If your bank is Chase, you will never be able to avoid an atm.
Avoid Times Square at all costs. Do not go to the Lenin memorial. Grand Central is a dive. The Statue of Liberty is a long, painful and boring boat ride away. Staten Island is about as interesting as a lobotomy. You won't see any books at the NYPL main branch. Tour buses are annoying scams.
Air conditioning is a privilege, not a right.
Don't drop the soap.