Simon Carr

The Independent's parliamentary sketch writer and columnist since 2000, Simon Carr was described by Tony Blair as "the most vicious sketch writer working in Britain today". "Poison," said Charles Clarke.

In the 1980s he helped launch The Independent, and was a speech writer for the prime minister of New Zealand from 1992 to 1994. His working principle is "Indignation keeps us young."

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The Sketch: An economy of ideas can't keep Balls out of the political game

The media game these days is to take Ed Balls seriously, and respectfully report his economic ideas. It's harder to keep a straight face as time goes on, but the interviewers don't care – they're doing it to destabilise his struggling leader, Ed Miliband.

Recently by Simon Carr

Simon Carr: Suddenly everyone's an expert in the art of political conflict

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Ed's technique was to itemise all the difficult things Cameron had done and then aggressively urge him to do them.

Simon Carr: Miliband wanted to make Cameron look small. He failed

Saturday, 19 March 2011

Sketch

The Sketch: Hague sends out a warning – but is anyone listening?

Friday, 18 March 2011

The great thing about a moral fog is it's suddenly obvious you don't know where you are. Everyone knows you don't know whether you're flying blind or sitting on the runway. Nowhere is this fog thicker than in the Middle East – and yet in the debate on the subject the Foreign Secretary refused to take advantage of this useful intelligence, and started making foggy demands.

The Sketch: Cameron leaves himself susceptible to an 'urchin' who won't stay down

Thursday, 17 March 2011

Over here we have the tall, well-dressed captain of the Upper Blues, popular with the grown-ups, easy way about him with the younger boys. And over there, that specimen is the head of the Lower Reds with the ears, teeth, and peculiar mouth. Not exactly swarthy, but not what you'd call properly English either. Something rum about him. Something clever. It's the clever ones you can't trust.

The Sketch: Whoops Apocalypse: Hague lays down the rules of Armageddon

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

No seriously, are you absolutely sure we're not on the edge of the Apocalypse? I wasn't speaking infallibly at the time but I have warned before about our British candidate for the Antichrist. He has the experience, the charisma for the job: Tony Blair is on hand right there below the Plain of Megiddo – on location for Armageddon. Everything is in place.

Simon Carr: An Ed-to-Ed meeting to make you long for a pint of paint-stripper

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Sketch: The Eds' plan is to put an extra 0.3 per cent of public spending into the construction industry. A plan for 0.3 per cent of anything is no plan.

Simon Carr: Furious rebels call for the resignation of their crazed dictator, Cleggafi

Monday, 14 March 2011

Sketch: Rebels denounced the leadership plans to sell off sacred sites for commercial development

The Sketch: Watching television is overrated (even for the man at the top)

Friday, 11 March 2011

Chris Patten – Tory peer, ex-Tory party chairman, ex-Tory cabinet minister – has already been anointed and is now waiting to be appointed chairman of the BBC. These characters are usually smooth stooges whose final ambition is to schmooze a hostile government without giving offence to the 20,000 leftish metrosexuals who work for the organisation (or the 4,098 others).

The Sketch: Miliband gave it the knockabout treatment – and was walloped

Thursday, 10 March 2011

Not that Cameron is invulnerable on Libya, anything but. Luckily for the PM, the Leader of the Opposition gave it a knockabout treatment and got knocked about in return – and so hard we could hear his enormous teeth rattle.

The Sketch: This Speaker knows the power of the chair – and how to survive

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

Suddenly, with a choking jolt of understanding, the rugged, gravel-voiced Minister met and held the eyes of the Speaker. Never had he looked so vulnerable. "Mr Speaker, perhaps I'm wrong, I'm so sorry, I may be mistaken but I can't discern a question from the Hon Member..."

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