Wednesday May 18, 2011
Happy birthday to Tina Fey, who turns 41 today. As a tribute, we've compiled some of the best
Tina Fey quotes of all time:
"On Fox News, they address her as Governor Palin. Which is like calling me 'Dairy Queen employee.' I was once, but I quit." —Tina Fey, in an appearance on David Letterman
"It's just so great to be back on Fox News, a network that both pays me and shows me the questions ahead of time. I just hope that tonight the lamestream media won't twist my words by repeating them verbatim." —Tina Fey, impersonating Sarah Palin on
Saturday Night Live
"Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff? 'I'm not one of those fancy Harvard heart surgeons. I'm just an unlicensed plumber with a dream and I'd like to cut your chest open.' The crowd cheers." —Tina Fey, writing in her book,
Bossypants
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classic Tina Fey quotes...
More Funny Quotes:
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Best Jon Stewart Quotes
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Best Stephen Colbert Quotes
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Best Bill Maher Quotes
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Latest Late-Night Jokes
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Tuesday May 17, 2011
The political comedy world has suffered a crushing blow with the news that Donald Trump will not be running for president. Oh well, the jokes were fun while they lasted. Here's a roundup of the best digs at The Donald:
"Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters — all of whom are late-night comedians." —Conan O'Brien
"Donald Trump said he still wants to look more closely at Obama's birth certificate to make sure that it's real. Incidentally, President Obama said the same exact thing about Donald Trump's hair." —Jimmy Fallon
"They have to put Trump on every program, spewing his crazy ideas, because his poll numbers are so high. And his poll numbers are so high because they put him on every program, spewing his crazy ideas." —Jon Stewart
"Donald Trump insisted yesterday that he is not racist, because one time an African-American won 'Apprentice.' Because nothing says 'not racist' like making a black man run your errands." —Conan O'Brien
"If Trump does become president, I hope he puts a wig on his plane and calls it Hair Force One." —Jimmy Kimmel
"Stupid presidents, smart presidents, white presidents, black presidents -- doesn't work! What this country needs is a crazy Third World dictator. And Donald Trump has what it takes to be that. He's already got a plane with his name on it, solid gold buildings, a harem..." —Lewis Black
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Donald Trump jokes...
See Also:
•
Jon Stewart to Donald Trump: 'Don't Quit!'
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Borowitz: Comedians Beg Trump to Reconsider
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Colbert Mocks Huckabee, Trump For Dropping Out
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10 Best Trump Jokes from the WH Correspondents' Dinner
Related:
•
Best Donald Trump Cartoons
•
Palin/Trump 2012 Dream Ticket
•
Latest Late-Night Jokes
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Sunday May 15, 2011
Sunday May 15, 2011
"The SEALs recovered an extensive stash of pornography from
Bin Laden's compound. It's probably not easy just having sex with the same 11 wives all the time. There were interesting titles: 'Debby Does Abbottabad,' 'Deep Goat,' 'Bare Ankles 4,' and '2 Humps, 1 Camel.'" —
Jimmy Fallon
"The Interior Minister of Pakistan said yesterday they have nothing to hide. Well, not anymore." —
Jay Leno
"I don't know if you heard this: It's been reported Al Qaeda has not yet picked a new leader to run their terrorist organization. Yeah. Apparently, candidates keep losing interest after asking, 'So what happened to the last guy?" —
Conan O'Brien
"Another Republican is about to announce he is running for president.
Newt Gingrich is about to announce. Some people say Newt Gingrich may have trouble winning over traditional values voters because he has had three marriages. So as a result, the campaign has announced a new slogan, 'Newt Gingrich, so committed to marriage, he can't stop doing it.'" —Conan O'Brien
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