CONNECT    

Phil Cooke, Ph.D.

Phil Cooke, Ph.D.

GET UPDATES FROM Phil Cooke, Ph.D.

Rep. Anthony Weiner Is a Lot More Like You Than You Think

Posted: 06/ 7/11 09:52 PM ET

New York Representative Anthony Weiner, 46 years old, was forced to make a pretty humiliating admission this week -- that he "sexted" numerous explicit body part photos to various young women he'd connected with through social media. You'll remember that at first he denied it, but the momentum was just too much so this week he came clean. I've written before that in the digital universe, we have to live more transparent lives than ever.

The river of information that flows through social media or search engines like Google is so exhaustive that you just can't hide anymore. We need to think about Google less as a search engine and more as reputation management. So now Weiner's reputation is in tatters, and most feel that his goal of being mayor of New York is over. But my point isn't to trash the man, but on the contrary -- show just how the rest of us really aren't that different.

While we look at a case like his and think about what an idiot he must have been to send explicit photos like that online, the truth is -- millions of us do something similar every day. Think about it -- how often do you pass on that slightly suggestive joke, that racist cartoon, or that funny, but sorta dirty picture? Or how often do we criticize someone in an email, or damage someone's reputation in the eyes of others?

Sure, we say it was just fun -- or we were only defending our turf at work, but the truth is that most of us have emails or texts that if they were read out loud in a courtroom or to the press, it would be humiliating. So while you probably haven't sent a photo half dressed in the bathroom to someone you don't really know online, if we were honest, we'd all have to admit that there's embarrassing stuff out there we've forwarded, sent, or re-tweeted.

The question is, why is it so easy to do? Here's a few good reminders:

1. EASY -- that's the word -- the Internet, email and social media is so EASY. One click and you've just sent that dirty joke or porn photo to everyone in your address book. When I was 14, we really had to plan how my older buddy Rusty would sneak into the drug store, buy a Playboy magazine, and sneak it out. At least that worked until Rusty ran into his mom coming out of Eckerds Drug Store. That ended that. The point is, when I was a kid, the only dirty pictures I had access to were in National Geographic. Today, it's way too easy, and that gets us into trouble.

2. It seems private. I've heard it a million times: "But I'm just sending it to a friend." Yeah, but he may not be your friend a year from now, and he has that email, and has the ability to send it to NBC, CNN, your ex-wife, boss, or the world.

3. Finally, how it sounds as your write it, isn't the way it would sound when read publicly. Think about that. Would you be proud to have your emails read or shown in public with your spouse or mom listening?

Here's the weird thing -- while we think teens are the ones doing all the "sexting" -- a recent study revealed that people over 40 do it more than anyone. Worse -- it's growing in popularity with seniors. Barf.

The point is -- what Anthony Weiner did was wrong -- very wrong. But the truth is -- we face the temptation to send, forward, and share questionable stuff online nearly every day.

How are you dealing with that?

 
 
 

Follow Phil Cooke, Ph.D. on Twitter: www.twitter.com/philcooke

New York Representative Anthony Weiner, 46 years old, was forced to make a pretty humiliating admission this week -- that he "sexted" numerous explicit body part photos to various young women he'd con...
New York Representative Anthony Weiner, 46 years old, was forced to make a pretty humiliating admission this week -- that he "sexted" numerous explicit body part photos to various young women he'd con...
 
  • Comments
  • 35
  • Pending Comments
  • 0
  • View FAQ
Login or connect with: 
More Login Options
Post Comment Preview Comment
To reply to a Comment: Click "Reply" at the bottom of the comment; after being approved your comment will appear directly underneath the comment you replied to.
View All
Favorites
Recency  | 
Popularity
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Zweiback
7 hours ago (12:19 PM)
Interestin­g column...w­hich I believe I read in 1998.
8 hours ago (11:26 AM)
How lame is this post? This Weiner defense just does not fly. First, and as many others have said here, ZERO is the number of times I have e-mailed, posted, or tweeted something explicit or racist to ANYONE, yet alone a total stranger. Second, there is a world of difference between sending on a joke and taking a picture of your naked body part and sending it to a stranger. I mean, come on! We're not stupid, though Weiner certainly is. No, what Weiner did is NOT something we're all doing, ok maybe a few fifteen year old boys, but not the rest of us adults.
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
blueken
Finger Picking blues man
10 hours ago (9:37 AM)
Corrrect me if I'm wrong, but I think as a society we don't consider cyber sex cheating on a spouse. I mean as long as there is no physical contact isn't it like fantasy sex? Want to spice up your fantasy sex life, get someone else involved through your computer. I'm a bit old to participat­e, I just don't care that much about sex anymore, but for a younger person, isn't it better than going out and actually having sex outside the relationsh­ip?
8 hours ago (11:55 AM)
Yeah ... you're wrong. Whether you make physical contact or not, sending photos of your junk to another woman is wrong and inappropri­ate from anyone, but especially from someone who is expected to maintain an ethical code to serve the people who have elected him. How can he do that if who knows how many women have pictures of his "parts" and could use those as blackmail to get the votes or decisions they wanted from his congressio­nal seat?
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
blueken
Finger Picking blues man
7 hours ago (12:33 PM)
Ok, and what about impure thoughts? I worship at the alter of Our Mother of Perpetual Motion, and she says, it's ok. It would only work as blackmail if you were ashamed, and the voters acted like little kids.
5 hours ago (3:02 PM)
bs. when did god set you as the moral's police?

sorry, i did not know you were a member of the taliban keeping us all pure.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
juliebird
5 hours ago (2:47 PM)
Speaking as a married person, I'd feel betrayed by my spouse if I discovered them sexting, especially if they were sending naughty pics. It's over-shari­ng something that should remain intimate between spouses.
But it's not the same as cheating, and shouldn't be equated as such.
5 hours ago (3:04 PM)
was that in your marriage vows? did you discuss it with your spouse before you were married?

don't you think that adults are capable of deciding these issues on their own by open discussion of expectatio­ns?

each couple gets to decide its own rules on personal matters, no?
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
blueken
Finger Picking blues man
4 hours ago (3:25 PM)
Been married for 42 years this month. In my younger days I was a very jealous person. A hippy that doesn't share when it comes to woman, go figure. Now that I'm in my 60's I feel, what I don't know won't hurt me, and I know less every year.
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Torus34
A poor old country mouse.
11 hours ago (8:30 AM)
An interestin­g thought:

There is, to my knowledge, no study which demonstrat­es that our Congressme­n are more or less moral than we, the public at large, in the area of dalliance.

There is considerab­le evidence that such affairs, when they come to the attention of the press, result in a lot of grief for the politician and his family. I rather doubt that any politician is so insulated from the media that he/she is not aware of this.

Follow this so far?

Now let's add in the capability of large commercial interests to uncover little tidbits concerning the infideliti­es of politician­s. And consider the percentage of politician­s [remember, they are us, morally,] who are thus vulnerable through their undercover [Sorry!] activities to, shall we say, vote 'reconside­ration' or creating little interestin­g loopholes or delaying regulation bills or ...

Not a pretty picture, is it.

[An aside: There is a study showing that Congressme­n are better at picking winners in the stock market, but that can be explained without positing unusual economic acumen on their part.]
10 hours ago (9:25 AM)
Moral I'm not worried out. Competent concerns me.
11 hours ago (8:29 AM)
Another classic from a liberal, '....New York Representa­tive Anthony Weiner, 46 years old, was forced to make a pretty humiliatin­g admission this week -...'
Really?
When liberals like Obama sign a bill extending tax cuts for the rich, or a democrat has to come clean, then '...they were forced....­' to do it! If's a Republican doing it, then their acts are deliberate and done to intentiona­lly hurt poor people, or they have no values, or they are mentally impaired, or they are inherently evildoers etc. etc.
The double standard and hypocrisy from the left never ends.
Weiner could have simply resigned and said I am done and will never answer another question about this. That Congressma­n (Lee?) who did similar acts, walked away and we never heard from him again; never had to watch a silly press conference etc. He never got his full 15 minutes of infamy.
No, Weiner is still thinking with his Weiner and as such, does not deserve to hold public office.
10 hours ago (9:17 AM)
Sounds like a great post on Vitter
TotallyAmazed
Still amazed, and totally so...
9 hours ago (10:58 AM)
So, what is it in the sentence you quoted that you disagree with, whochi? You quoted:

"....New York Representa­­tive Anthony Weiner, 46 years old, was forced to make a pretty humiliatin­­g admission this week -..."

Is Weiner a New York House Rep.? YES
Is he 46 years old? YES
Was he forced to make a public statement on Monday? YES
Was it a humiliatin­g admission? YES

I don't get your point in quoting that statement, unless you just like quoting statements for no apparent reason.

As for the double standard on the left? You're kidding I'm hoping. 'Cause if not - you must live under a rock.

To get your facts straight on the double standard, you really need to check out Rachel Maddow's show last night which featured her . . . "IOKIYAR" (It's OK if You're a Republican­.)
8 hours ago (11:48 AM)
Lee, Vitter, Schwarzene­gger, Guiliani, Gingrich..­..shall I go on. I love how Republican­s make this into a party issue when they have just as long of a laundry list of salacious scandals. Don't call someone a hypocrite and then act like one yourself.

And are you really talking about Obama extending a tax cut...you know those were Bush's tax cuts, right? Not that the topic has anything to do with the matter at hand.
5 hours ago (3:06 PM)
huh? there are resigners and there are fighters, both exist in each political party. what is your point?

you may accuse weiner of thinking with his weiner, but unlike your post, he is thinking.
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
lordmi
11 hours ago (8:26 AM)
True.
There is nothing to add here.
Nothing.
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
db08
12 hours ago (7:44 AM)
"While we look at a case like his and think about what an idiot he must have been to send explicit photos like that online, the truth is -- millions of us do something similar every day. Think about it -- how often do you pass on that slightly suggestive joke, that racist cartoon, or that funny, but sorta dirty picture? Or how often do we criticize someone in an email, or damage someone's reputation in the eyes of others?"
The answer is 0. It is called being an adult. Given the problems of the country, where did he find time for this behavior. His behavior is the equivalent to that of a flasher and exhibition­ist.
12 hours ago (7:39 AM)
Don't think so
photo
bd7769
I may not always be right, but I am never wrong
12 hours ago (7:21 AM)
It’s not what he did; it’s what he did after he did it that concerns many.
He lied about it, it places him in the position of being blackmaile­d, and he is after all an elected official of our government­.
If only he just came in clean in the beginning, we would have all laughed at it, made fun of his name; it may even have become a new euphuism.
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
lordmi
11 hours ago (8:26 AM)
90% of men lie.
So ...what would You suggest?
photo
bd7769
I may not always be right, but I am never wrong
11 hours ago (9:04 AM)
I don't know, elect more woman to congress, at least they don't get caught.
20 hours ago (11:18 PM)
"Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone"
17 hours ago (2:47 AM)
"Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone"
-- Jesus

"Let he who is a total shlemiel not be the mayor of New York City"
-- Moses
5 hours ago (3:09 PM)
hey moishe--to­o late, there was rudy g.
20 hours ago (11:14 PM)
I'm not a congressma­n --he is. Im not charded and responsibl­e for things like looking out for national security, debt ceiling votes, laws to help the poor and underprivl­edged.. Leaders need to have character and be held to a higher standard. He's married, he lied to her, lied to all of us for a protracted period of time and wouldnt come clearn until forced to. So he needs to go. PERIOD.
photo
HUFFPOST PUNDIT
marco01
20 hours ago (11:37 PM)
He's not a Republican who pontificat­es on "moral values", so he stays.
photo
Mr Universe
My micro bio gave your micro bio a fat lip
14 hours ago (5:45 AM)
Vitter, Ensign, Sanford, Craig...th­e list of people who didn't resign is pretty lengthy on the Republican side. And Wiener didn't even get any action.
photo
bd7769
I may not always be right, but I am never wrong
12 hours ago (7:24 AM)
sad but true, what a weiner he atleast should have gotton some action for the all the crap he is going to take for it.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
midknightryder13
21 hours ago (11:00 PM)
Why does the fact that it's growing in popularity with seniors rate a "Barf"? Are seniors not supposed to have sexual thoughts, let alone act upon them? In the novelized version of "Star Trek: The Motion Picture", there's a part where Captain Kirk is using the technology of the Enterprise to watch Commander Decker and Ilia. There is a sentence that refers to the fact that since technology has made privacy impossible­, it up to each individual to respect the privacy of others. In other words, it is up to the individual to NOT VIOLATE the privacy of others. And therefore, expect the same treatment for themselves­. That was science-fi­ction then, it is science-FA­CT now. In other words, we will need to learn to restrain ourselves from violating the privacy of others, if we expect the same treatment.
thebigbike
ran away to be a cowboy
21 hours ago (10:46 PM)
millions of us may do that, but millions of us are not congresspe­rsons beholden to a frivolous and often hypocritic­al electorate­.