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Jean Fain, L.I.C.S.W., M.S.W.

Jean Fain, L.I.C.S.W., M.S.W.

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Oprah's Mindful Eating Coach Talks Diet And Money

Posted: 06/ 7/11 08:13 AM ET

Whether the ultimate episode of "The Oprah Show" was really the end or just the beginning, the daytime talk-show diva has clearly moved on. If you're afraid that Oprah's mindful-eating coach, Geneen Roth, has moved on, too, rest assured. The best-selling anti-diet book writer who inspired Oprah to stop dieting is not abandoning food issues for money problems as some fans fear.

But after losing her life savings to Bernie Madoff (of all people) and living to write about it, Roth has expanded her focus to include food and money. Her new memoir, "Lost and Found," not only chronicles that traumatic loss, but explores food, money and her complicated relationship to both. More specifically, the compulsive-overeater-turned-mindful-memoirist is now writing about how the emotional issues with money mirror those all-too-familiar issues with food.

When I realized that the ultimate episode of "The Oprah Show" aired one year after Oprah had declared she'd found the answer to yo-yo dieting in Roth's bestseller, "Women Food and God," I realized America could use help understanding how anyone could make such a declaration and yet remain visibly unchanged. What's more, I thought veteran dieters could benefit from a fresh perspective on comparative judgments. That's what Roth calls statements like "At least I'm not as fat as ..."

I could have dashed off a blog on the topic myself or quoted long passages from "Lost and Found." Here's a short one: "I hardly have the words to tell you what it was like to see the exact same patterns with money as I'd once had with food. I splurged the way I once binged, and budgeted the way I once dieted. I lied about the money I had in the same way that I once lied about how much I ate. I rationalized buying sweaters on sale in the same way that I once rationalized eating broken cookies."

But what I know for sure: Two compassionate minds are better than one. So I phoned Roth, and we got to talking about all of the above: women, food, money and Oprah. What follows are questions and answers from our recent conversation.

Q: Oprah has moved on to her OWN network, and you've moved on, or so it seems, to money ...

A: I haven't moved on. Food is still my main focus. People get turned off [by the book] because they haven't dealt with the food thing, and they don't want to deal with money. It's overwhelming. I want them to know food and money problems are very similar.

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Photo by Stroud Schelling

Q: What's money got to do with food?

A: After my husband and I lost our life savings, many of the patterns I thought I'd worked through with food were surfacing in my relationship with money. It was losing everything and being confronted with the decisions I'd made about money that catapulted me into questions about what is enough, and the sense that no matter how much I had, it was never enough. It was the very same thing I'd experienced with food on an emotional, psychological and, dare I say, spiritual level.

Q: Why do you say the old adage of "You can never be too thin or too rich" isn't true?

A: Most people are so focused on what they don't have, what they're not allowed to eat, what they shouldn't eat, what they'll be able to eat when they finish the diet, lose the weight ... it's a constant feeling of "If only I had this, then I'd be happy." But they've already lost 10, 20, 30, 40 pounds 30 or 40 times, and it didn't make them happy. It gave them a thinner body, but it didn't give them the sense that "Now I can rest, now I will be seen for who I really am, now I can be happy." The same is true with money. Let's face it, we need money for food and shelter, but after those needs are met, this insane desire for more and more and more ... it doesn't make people happy.

2011-06-03-LostandFound.jpg

Q: How do you explain how Oprah could say she found the answer in "Women Food and God," and yet still struggles with her weight?

A: I can't speak for Oprah or about Oprah, but I can say when you find something that speaks to you, when you find something that feels like "Now I'm at home," that's the beginning, not the end. That "a-ha" moment is wonderful, but when it ends, and it always does, it needs to be followed by some kind of commitment to take action on your own behalf, a daily decision to be there for yourself.

Q: How do you decide to be there for yourself?

A: You can't do it alone. Support helps you follow through, and the desire to follow through helps you get support. It can't just be the support of one friend giving you advice. Advice doesn't help so much. The problem with all the advice we've been given is we don't know how to follow it. When people don't feel instant change, they think it's not working. This is a failure. I'm a failure. At that point, they need support in asking the right questions, like: What am I feeling? What happened in that moment when I went to eat when I wasn't hungry? When I went to spend when I was feeling hurt? Unless you become interested in those moments, you'll always turn to food or money to fill them.

Q: Is that how you survived losing all your money?

A: I felt the loss, the grief, but I also had a lot of support. It [the support] helped me see that everything that really mattered was still here, and that helped me see objectively what I needed to do next.

Q: It's easy to be critical of anyone's weight, especially a public figure like Oprah's. What do you know for sure about making comparative judgments?

A: It doesn't help to compare yourself to another or to yourself [at another time] because it's not about you. When you're not interested in yourself, whatever is driving you to diet or binge, restrict or splurge isn't being touched. When you judge and blame and shame yourself, you feel weak, diminished, collapsed and paralyzed. It's hard to think or move or know what to do next.

Q: What do you know about quick fixes?

A: [Real] change is not always visible, especially not at first. While there's a pay-off to being conscious about eating -- losing weight -- with money, there's a different kind of pay-off. I'm not saying if you're conscious about money, you'll get rich. I am saying your relationship with what you have in life will change. Everyone reading your blog in this moment has five things they have enough of, but because they're focused on what they don't have, they're focused on lack. If all you're valuing is what you can see, touch and accomplish in this second, it's going to be hard going. You have to value your inner process.

Q. Both you and Oprah have made private issues a public service. Ever wished you'd kept your issues private?

A. Part of my job description here on earth is to write about things most people wouldn't dare tell their friends. After I was anorexic, I doubled my weight, from 80 to 160 pounds, in two months. I also went on every diet there was, fasted, purged. I was a crazed, mad person around food. I didn't exactly have a sane relationship with money either. There's a value to having a tour guide, someone who's been there. Because I've been there, you don't have to go there. If I can come back from the brink, anyone can.

Q: Anything else you want to say?

A: There's nothing I want to add, but if readers have questions, I'm starting an online retreat June 7. It's six weeks, 90 minutes each week, with me on the phone. I'll be answering questions and talking about my eating guidelines, which are the core of my approach. [For a fee,] they can listen live or they can download it [the recorded phone call] and listen anywhere, anytime.

##

Q: Anything I want to add?

A: Not really, but, I will say about Geneen the one thing she would say about Oprah: "She was lovely and gracious with me."

Q: Anything else?

A: As I bring this blog to a close, I'm reminded of Oprah's famous last words: "Until we meet again."

**
Jean Fain is a Harvard Medical School-affiliated psychotherapist specializing in eating issues, and the author of "The Self-Compassion Diet." For more information, see www.jeanfain.com. Anything you want to add?? Please post it below.
 
 
 
Whether the ultimate episode of "The Oprah Show" was really the end or just the beginning, the daytime talk-show diva has clearly moved on. If you're afraid that Oprah's mindful-eating coach, Geneen ...
Whether the ultimate episode of "The Oprah Show" was really the end or just the beginning, the daytime talk-show diva has clearly moved on. If you're afraid that Oprah's mindful-eating coach, Geneen ...
 
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9 minutes ago (7:24 PM)
I've begun more mindful eating now that I'm working from home. It's a little easier than being out in the workforce because I have my entire kitchen at my disposal. Still, there are times I'd rather reach for a yogurt and settle for just that than really making certain I eat the right amount of calories I need for brain and body power. And then there are those Oreos in the closet....­. which is pretty much the only junk we have in the house.... but sometimes they are oh so tempting!

Mindful eating keeps my brain awake and enables me to "feel" like doing yoga or walking on the treadmill. If I indulge in the Oreos I tend to feel like all hope is lost so why even bother. Practicing what I preach to readers who read my health care articles also helps me keep my integrity.
06:52 AM on 6/11/2011
Ironic that in response to this article on food and money, many comment that, Oprah has money (for dieticians­, coaches, cooks, etc.), so there's no excuse for continued weight issues. Money solves many problems, but it does not solve the problem of emotional eating, or to put it more bluntly, using food as a sedative/d­rug. Many celebritie­s struggle with addiction; money for rehab center treatment(­s) is no guarantee that they will recover from addiction, or learn to live serenely without their substance of choice. The same principle applies to Oprah with her food addiction. Addiction, which is ultimately the result of a spiritual void, cannot be overcome with money.
09:53 PM on 6/09/2011
Good friends can help. I had a friend jokingly ask me if I needed a "Wide Load" slapped across my derriere. He had a big smile and good point!
06:42 AM on 6/11/2011
But have you lost any weight or felt any happier as a result of that comment? If not, was it really "helpful?"
04:28 PM on 6/09/2011
It's funny that this article comes up at this time. I actually wrote to Oprah during her last week on TV, having a similar yo-yoing problem all my life. When Oprah went on Medi-Fast so did I.. gained it back!! And, so the story goes. However, my problem is I don't plan and I grab for anything. As I explained to Oprah she has full time staff and there is absolutely no excuse why she doesn't get on a program and stick to it. I mean really. If someone was cooking for me 24-7 and I had the best trainers in the world, why wouldn't exercise and sensible eating be a main stay. Get with it Oprah, the world is watching you... we want you to be around for many, many years to come. And, please get rid of the dead weight, like Stedman!! There are reasons people overeat but let's face it Oprah has enough money to solve this problem for herself once and for all. Tell her to go see Michael Thurmond, he can teach her to eat for life, a sensible way to eat and cheat once a week too boot! :)
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chiara0
08:22 AM on 6/09/2011
I have found that eliminatin­g sugar from the diet changes everything and I no longer have cravings or impulses about food.
12:52 PM on 6/08/2011
You would think with all the money Oprah has, she would spend some of it on her own eating habits. She promotes all these doctors and dieticians and workout experts yet practices none of it. Bottom line...she­'s still a large woman and obviously doesn't practice what she preaches.
12:20 PM on 6/08/2011
Where is the God part of the book? Did not read about Him in the article.
02:01 PM on 6/09/2011
A very quick version of Women, Food and God: Seek a relationsh­ip with God for inner peace instead of overeating food.
Simple, but not easy. She meditates a lot.
09:40 PM on 6/09/2011
I agree. I hid Bible verses on closet doors to help me stop compulsive eating. It really works. Also, if I limit the wine intake I drop those pounds. Having people tell me indirectly that I am getting heavy makes me more self-aware­. Love that spring mix salad with sunflower seeds, bread and butter pickles, strawberri­es or tomatoes, red onion and a good dressing! Yum!
10:13 AM on 6/10/2011
Just remember meditation is not prayer-so that is an issue and is why it does not work.
11:55 AM on 6/08/2011
I wonder if she found out about Bernie Madoff through Okra?
01:03 PM on 6/08/2011
hahahahaha­hah
09:28 AM on 6/08/2011
I go to the store and for meat, we buy the leanest, cook that all up and divide it in 3 oz portions and freeze it. (this is for summer-hat­e heating the house up so once done is all it takes-one day hot kitchen or grill). So, it is going to be close to 100 today. I brought out the meat, divided it on four plates, made Italian creamed spinach, brussels sprouts and 'Healthy Weight" which is black beans, soybeans and limas. I divied it up on 4 plates and stuck it in the fridge for dinner, a minute or two and dinner will be done. Yeah, fresh is best, but today, this is a great alternativ­e to fresh. I also made teas, and coffees and cappuccino­s, had what I wished for breakfast-­the rest will be ice cold for later. Tomorrow's will be fresh steamed asparagus,­zuccini and yellow squash, great for nil calorie foods and tons of melons and berries.
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Angel McClinton
I am. I do... Digital Marketing Campaign Managemen
01:46 AM on 6/08/2011
Ok... clearly I have to Digg this, then post to Blogger, Facebook and Twitter. It's late and I'm winding down my day with my usual Youtube playlist and Huff post articles but then I run into this and BAM! I'm awake. SO MUCH of this hits the nail on the head. It's all extremely spiritual. Whether one numbs out and abuses food, drugs, alcohol, sex... it all comes back to love. Deep stuff. Thank you.
04:09 PM on 6/09/2011
You're welcome Angel. You're one of the rare commenters who really seems to understand the importance of self-compa­ssion. Right on!
01:12 AM on 6/08/2011
I found eating foods containing sugar to be addictive. I heard on a local radio station a doctor saying sugar is not addictive until the sugar gets in your bloodstrea­m and travels into your brain, which then produces a chemical called dopamine (or maybe it is serotinin)­. When the dopamine level in the brain gets low, the brain tells you to eat more sugar to keep the dopamine level up. Cutting out sugar helped me to have more dietary control.
12:27 AM on 6/08/2011
I read Geneen's book about overeating­, and it wasn't helpful. I love to eat and the reason I love to eat is because I haven't found anything in life that I love more. You can call it emotional eating, or stress eating, whatever. I really think if people throughout my life would have treated me the way I feel I should be treated (with respect) then there most likely would not be a problem with emotions and associatio­ns with eating. You can talk about willpower until you are blue in the face, but eating becomes a crutch (much like alcoholism and drug use). More money does not always solve the emotional eating thing, I can attest to that.
08:18 PM on 6/07/2011
Why do so many readers not understand the real issues people have with food? It's either "you have no self control or willpower" or "McDonald'­s makes people fat."
As babies we cry for food and are rewarded and comforted by...food. We reward good behavior, soothe broken hearts and scraped knees with...foo­d. We need good, healthy food but we also need to be kind and compassion­ate about "food issues" to other people and to ourselves. As a dietitian I see people with food issues (soothing/­celebratin­g/rewardin­g/controll­ing with food) and it's NOT about willpower or self control. I mean seriously, does anyone really think that Oprah has self control issues? She manages a multi-mill­ion dollar empire...I doubt she has issues getting out of bed or returning emails on time.
I like Ms. Roth's approach. I like her books and think they can help people. I also know that dealing with "emotional eating" is best handled by dealing with the emotions, then the eating.
If you manage your weight by eating a little less and moving a little more, then you're lucky and probably see food as food and not as reward/esc­ape/comfor­t/safety/t­he enemy. People that KNOW every calorie and have done Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Atkins, Grapefruit diet, HcG, low fat, low carb and still can't lose weight are NOT "willpower impaired" and may find that Ms. Roth's approach can help.
12:05 AM on 6/08/2011
I disagree with your advice. Food should not be a reward for behaving well, coping with sadness or scraped knees. Praise and loving comfort are what is needed. When food is a substitute for any of these things, weight problems develop. Once in a while, as a group reward, it's okay to reward children with a treat. It's really the opposite of depriving someone of dessert for bad behavior.
09:27 AM on 6/08/2011
I didn't say that rewarding or soothing with food is good; that is NEVER my advice. I said that is what tends to happen in our society. I DID say that when babies are hungry they scream and are soothed when they are given food.
You are very right about the mindset of using food when someone is "good"; it implies that they will not get food when they're "bad."
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DrP
07:24 PM on 6/07/2011
Q: Why is Oprah still overweight­?
A: Because she is insulin-re­sistant and her "experts" keep recommendi­ng low-fat diets.
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MarieNat
Lobbyist, wanna make something of it?
06:36 PM on 6/07/2011
With all due respect, I'm not sure how much advice I would take from Oprah's mindful eating coach.