WASHINGTON - The Supreme Court ruled 8 to 1 that the First Amendment covers all speech regardless of whether it's on the far right or the far far right. "If we don't protect the right to disrupt a military funeral today," said Chief Justice John Roberts, "we may lose the...

"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your beers..."

Everyone's been to Shakespeare in the Park or Shakespeare in a park, but few people outside of Shakespeare's actual friends and co-workers have experienced Shakespeare in a drinking establishment.

Until now.

This Sunday the Hudson Warehouse Theater Company entertains Bard and brew...

Has representation

LOS ANGELES - In the wake of its decisive, one-million-dollar Jeopardy! victory over all humanity, IBM supercomputer Watson announced that instead of facilitating medical research or other scientific work, it would appear on more game shows, especially the easier, dumber ones....

WASHINGTON - In the strongest signal to date that the U.S. intends to promote U.S.-style democracy wherever possible, the U.S. announced it would attempt to hold free and fair elections in the United States.

"The U.S. is a complicated country," said Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. "It has a loyal...

"Marty, we can do anything in the future except regulate Wall Street!"

Watching President Obama's State of the Union I found myself in agreement and frustrated at the same time. This was a formal address to the Congress and the nation, but there were...

Subject to revisionism

WASHINGTON (AP) - In a closed-door caucus meeting, House Democrats voted to reject President Barack Obama "as currently written."

The House speaker, Nancy Pelosi, said changes would need to be made to the president's narrative before she would allow his...

December.

Monday night. University of Pennsylvania. Van Pelt Library, Rosengarten Reserve Room. Ground floor study center. Students everywhere. We live here now. At desks, at tables, on the floor. Textbooks, notebooks, soda cans, gum wrappers. If we talk, it's in hushed whispers. There is no noise during Finals Week....

"What is it, Yogi?"
"Hey hey hey - it's an oil company on its way to drill off the Alaskan coast."
"And they call me Boo-Boo."

WASHINGTON - The Obama administration has taken steps to protect the wild Alaskan oil spill...

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION - The world's terrorists said they believe the new TSA search procedures are invasive and embarrassing, causing them to rethink plans to get on airplanes with explosives hidden in their genital and anal regions.

"I do not wish to be patted down in front of everyone," said one...

ALBUM REVIEW

The What
What's Next

Meet the new dross. Same as the old dross.

What's Next invites listeners both young and old, but mostly old, to take a bow for the new revolution and tip their hat to the new constitution, one that...

The Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear
Personal Journey, Photos by John Marshall

WASHINGTON, D.C.

"By the time we got to Sanestock, we were a quarter million strong." The author on the Road to Reasonableness: View image

"Make a hole!"

For a while, I thought...

Remember, in one week we turn back the clocks

WASHINGTON - In a rare interview, History said that it would leave the nation's capital on Election Day, right after the Republicans take control of the House.

"I had a good run," said...

New Yorkers preparing a new anthem: V-O-T-E

ALBANY - Republican gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino has accused the mainstream, liberal media of quoting him in news stories.

"I never said I don't want children brainwashed into thinking that homosexuality is an equally valid...

WASHINGTON - What goes around no longer comes around. Appealing to voters who believe the laws of the universe should be administered by the states, Congress said the law of karma no longer applies to the U.S., the most historic repeal since the end...

According to The New York Times, excess weight is the leading reason the Army rejects potential recruits.

Earlier this year, a group of retired generals and admirals released a report called "Too Fat to Fight." (Making Soldiers Fit to Fight, Without the Situps)

Exercise and diet have...

Bob the Islamic Community Center Builder's new CD features songs about conflict resolution, cooperation and refusal to exploit a national tragedy for political gain.

The claymation contractor compares democracy to a building which consists of Freddy the Foundation, Connie the...

They blinded me with oil science!

WASHINGTON - A new study has learned that crude oil, which was previously thought to be capable of moving through an ocean for ten years or more, killing wildlife, destroying an economy and raping a coastline, actually...

Hello, this is Ancient Rome. You people keep comparing your civilization to ours and saying that you're "falling" just like we did. Well, hate to burst your History Channel bubble, but we lasted hundreds of years before we "crumbled" and even then, part of us continued for a whole millennium....

Nerve
Neverending

With the cap on
It's still dangerous
Here we are now
Please contain us
We look stupid
And outrageous
Here we are now
Please restrain us

- "(Smells Like) Unregulated Spirit"
 
...

The following is a transcript from a recent set by The BP Comic:

Anybody here from Louisiana? Which species?

You know what BP stands for: Big Phuck-Up.

I know you're out there, I can hear the oil seeping into your feathers.

What's the...