Project-Blu 'The Simpsons: The Thirteenth Season' Blu-ray Review, By Nate Boss

The Simpsons: The Thirteenth Season
By: Nate Boss, 9.8.2010

The Movie Itself:
Wow. It's about time we saw some more of The Simpsons on Blu-ray. Released already with the (awful) movie and the twentieth season (a promotional release, with no special features), we finally are now receiving day and date releases on the standard season releases.

Just in time for the string of really, really bad seasons.

It's no secret that The Simpsons is long past its expiration date. Fans still watch it, religiously, but it seems this may be just like church for most people, just go there, do it, and be done. It's a chore. A boring, unfunny, repetitive chore, and the only person getting anything out of it has to be Matt Groening. I'm quite sure his pockets LOVE the extra lining, even if his show has turned to complete garbage.

Yet, somehow, Futurama only lasted four legitimate seasons. Go figure.

Season thirteen of The Simpsons contains 22 episodes (numbers 270 through 291). Rather than recap this season as a whole, this review has a miniature little guide to the season. Fear not, there's no real spoilers, if you made it this far into the show without realizing that few things ever do change.

Treehouse of Horror XII
At times memorable, at times forgettable, and others, where you wish you could forget, this entry into the yearly horror-themed series kicks off Season 13 with a smile, whimper, and thud. The first act, about a gypsy curse, is fairly poor, while the 2001: A Space Odyssey inspired second act, featuring a killer Pierce Brosnan, makes up for it. Harry Potter, in my Simpsons? It may be more likely than you think, although, for sure, it really does stink. Probably one of the lesser anthologies in Simpsons lore.

The Parent Rap
A take on the judicial system that has gone awry, as well as parental responsibilities concerning miscreant children, The Parent Rap is a sometimes funny, sometimes aggravating middle of the road episode, with nary a quotable line, scene, or bit character. In short, a filler episode, that has the right idea, but lazy execution.

Homer the Moe
Another filler spot. Moe has an identity crisis, tired of the unsatisfied feeling he gets at the bar. A trip back to his mixing college inspires him to reinvent Moes as M, a trendy joint if ever there were one. Unhappy with the way they were treated, Homer, Barney, Lenny, and Carl start a bar in Homer's garage, and despite being able to book R.E.M., the rash reaction has dire consequences. This episode lacks the heart, and humor, that the Simpsons were known for for years, making a few uninspired gags, and leaving the easy punches on the table, going instead for repetitive cheese.

Hunka Hunka Burns in Love
When Homer lands a job writing new fortunes for fortune cookies, one of his creations gives the elderly Montgomery Burns hope to finally find love. A chance encounter with a foxy police officer actually goes his way, and it seems marriage is in the cards...until her ex-boyfriend, one certain Snake, finds her and takes her, and Monty's dating coach (yep, Homer again) hostage. Additionally, a new dessert is created. mmmmm.....pistol whip... A hilarious episode, with some fantastic one liners, so far the best in the season.

The Blunder Years
A joke goes awry. Have never seen that before on The Simpsons, no sir, not ever. Marge begins fantasizing about the model for Burly towels, after seeing his grizzled manliness on the package for a product that could absorb an entire canyon with one square. After Homer tricks her into believing the model will come to dinner, he is forced to take the family on a night out. The show they see, featuring a hypnotist, unearths repressed memories in Homer's psyche. A memory of murder! How crap is this episode? I. Don't. Know! More crap than dinner with Chad Sexington, the model for Burly towels, that's for sure.

She of Little Faith
When Homer and Bart accidentally destroy the local church in a rocket accident gone awry, Rev. Lovejoy agrees to let an outside company pay for the repairs, if they allow advertising space and full control. Lisa objects to the way the church has become a whore, and seeks out a new religion. Featuring a guest appearance by Richard Gere, this episode indicts the all or nothing, we're right, you're all going to hell mentality of some sects of Christianity. Sometimes on point, sometimes dragging ass, this episode has the right idea, but just falls short.

Brawl in the Family
Woo! Domestic violence! When the Simpsons get in yet another choking match, they are assigned their own social worker, and when things finally look better for the dysfunctional family, a past mistake from Homer's life comes back to bite him in the ass. For once, a one shot character actually plays a bigger part, though in the continuing rift in Homer and Marge's marriage, that always gets repaired stronger than ever, one can only sotp giving a damn after about the fiftieth such episode.

Sweets and Sour Marge
The desire to enter the Duff Book of World Records by any means necessary actually lands Homer there, though not in the way he originally wanted. Not that he cares. With Springfield being named the world's fattest town, gluttony is celebrated, though Marge seeks to shut down the sugar company behind it. A funny take on class-action suits (particularly those concerning other consumer products willingly purchased, like tobacco), as well as prohibition.

Jaws Wired Shut
A freak accident leaves Homer with a broken jaw, and to heal, he has to wear a grill that prevents him from eating and talking. This creates a Homer that actually listens to people. The lack of chaos in the SImpson home that results leaves Marge seeking thrills. With a hilarious take on movie theaters to start the episode, the duldrum of the rest can be forgiven...almost.

Half-Decent Proposal
Wow...talk about being late to the party. Like South Park imitating the WWE in its 13th year, about 12 years past when it hit its prime, The Simpsons makes an Indecent Proposal themed episode, featuring Marge's former beau, who we see constantly in flashbacks on how Homer and Marge got together. Hooray, played out, unfunny characters (Artie Ziff), who appear far more often than they should. How 'bout never again? Alright, I'll take it.

The Bart Wants What it Wants
A chance encounter with the daughter of McBain (Rainier Wolfcastle) leaves Bart with a new girlfriend, and brings back one of the funniest characters in Simpsons lore. Unfortunately, this episode doesn't tread ground that hasn't been tread a few times before. Bart likes girl, girl likes Bart. Milhouse enters picture. Awkward love triangle that tests friendship. Throw in Canada, and a few mounty jokes, and bam, you have an episode.

The Lastest Gun in the West
Que? Another random, previously unseen resident in Springfield turns out to be someone with quite a history, as Bart runs into a country film legend, who becomes his new idol, sparking a western craze at school, and even a guest appearance on the Krusty the Clown show. There really is no theme, joke, or message here, just a couple jokes thrown together to make an episode.

The Old Man and the Key
An obligatory Abraham Simpson tale, concerning a new rest home resident, who has a thing for guys who can drive her places. There's no doubt this story isn't based off of all the reports about elderly and their propensity towards STDs in their declining years, but the jokes are a bit too few and far between. Grandpa Simpson just isn't all that funny when cornered, and that's what we get here.

Tales from the Public Domain
Have we ever had a Simpsons episode where reading a story brings us to a world where the Simpsons characters replace historical or famous fictional ones? Not in five episodes? Time for one, stat! Honestly, this has been done so many times, it's hardly all that funny. Kinda annoying, actually. Watch Homer's Odyssey, a tale of Joan of Arc, and Hamlet. Awful, just awful. More phoned in than William Shatner's last ten years of "acting."

Blame it on Lisa
More laziness! Yes! This time, we get a ranom foreign country episode, with Lisa's semi-adopted/sponsored child going missing in Brazil. Hooray for racism in the guise of comedy! Those people are different, let's make fun of them! A terrible episode, sloppy, unoriginal, just lampooning people that aren't WASPs. Hooray!

Weekend at Burnsie's
Oh yay, a pro-marijuana episode. That's great for kids. Let's tell them the world is musical and amazing when stoned out of their gord, that promotions happen and lives are bettered via weed. What the bloody fuck is wrong with these writers? A terrible episode, utterly preachy and too damn political for its own good. Congrats, Simpsons, you just pissed off those who choose to live sober, by pandering to stupid college kids and idiot high schoolers who may be your only remaining fans.

Gump Roast
CLIP SHOW. Under the guise of a Forrest Gump parody, no less. Then a faux-roast, that makes no sense. Lazy, again. A few guest spots, but as a whole, complete lameness. Skip it, don't be fooled by 3 minutes of setup animation. This is sloppier than your mom's...HEYO!!!!!

I am Furious (Yellow)
Bart, inspired by a motivational speaking cartoonist, tries his hand at cartooning. His success is massive when he uses a certain family member as inspiration for the "Angry Dad" comic book. A trip to the world wide web only makes Homer famous, but with great fame comes great...something or other. Just when you think The Simpsons is broke, we get Angry Dad. To quote Stan Lee: "Broke? Or made it BETTER?" That's right. Stan "the man" Lee. About time we had a good episode, it had been a while.

The Sweetest Apu
Apu gets caught having an affair. That's...about it, really. An average episode, by this season's standards, a bit too cut and dry for my taste. It's just...there. Like Royal Pains.

Little Girl in the Big Ten
A rare disease, and a trip to college await the Simpson kids. We also get a superb Chumbawumba parody... way better than the R.E.M. lyrics gag earlier in the season. Yep, repeated joke. Ah well, seeing the boy in the bubble was kinda fun, out of place as it may be. An average episode, for the series as a whole, making it a great one for this season. Gah...two more to go!

The Frying Game
An accident involving a rare insect puts Homer on Community Service, where he meets an elderly lady who uses him for damn near anything. When she winds up murdered, Homer and Marge are framed for the crime, and put on death row. Now they have to clear their names, and get off the Green Mile. Honestly, the ending to this episode is fucking briliant, as it is a wonderful statement about society today, that has almost become prophetic. Can't and won't spoil it, but damn, great idea! (Yes, since there have been about eight more seasons, it's obvious they don't die. That's hardly a spoiler!)

Poppa's Got a Brand New Badge
Riots! Anarchy! And Bart doesn't get to take part in it! When Police Chief Wiggum is removed by Mayor Quimby, Homer and his newfound security company take over the law-enforcing in Springfield. A random episode, without many laughs, but it could have been worse.

And that's about what I got from this entire season. Ghastly awful as a whole, but it could have been worse. It could have been Royal Pains. Thanks, Royal Pains, for helping keep everything in perspective.
Rating: 3/10

The Presentation:
The thirteenth season of The Simpsons is just the second to hit Blu-ray. The first, being the twentieth (try to keep up, here), was the first (ugh) to feature any HD animation, as the series made the leap to HD mid-season (so...20.5).

So....what does that leave us with? A season that is in the same aspect ratio throughout, but that is an UPCONVERT. Fox presents this season with a series of AVC MPEG-4 1080p encodes at 1.33:1, and they're honestly pretty bad looking.

Sure, there isn't any of the banding issues found in the FUNimation upconverts, but what's missing is this little thing I like to call DETAIL. The Simpsons really is just blobs of color, with no intricate backgrounds, so I really don't see the point of seeing this season on Blu-ray, save for preventing encode issues, giving it room to breathe. But, wait, there's still noise, some light artifacting, just no banding. Hmmmm.....

I love it when my cartoons on Blu-ray have slight aliasing, lines and parts of characters disappearing at times, sometimes due to cheap/lazy animation, and sometimes due to obvious DVNR. I really love fluctuating colors, wobbling, and general nothing-special-ness. I really, really love disastrously massive amounts of ghosting. What's that? How about parts where character animations turn to garbled up blobs that lack straight lines and look like something worse than even a Korean animation sweatshop manned by a bunch of incontinent quadraplegics? Yep, I don't like that either, and this release has all that, and more.

Buy this release for the lack of banding. That's it.

The audio, she fares better than the video. Maybe. Kinda. Each episode is given a DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 mix, and sometimes it can be pretty impressive, considering the origins of the show. Most of the time, however, it's mundane, with no good volume spikes, no range, no nothing on display. Dialogue clarity is quite solid, and there's never any feedback or static issues, but there's also rarely any bass (when there is, it's quite nice, though), and this mix is super front-heavy, with only a few bits of motion, and even fewer bits of localization. Separation is meager, weak at best. The score hits the speakers nicely, but other than that, it's just a sign of its age. An improvement, perhaps, but not amazing.
Rating: 6/10 (video score: 4.8/10, audio score: 6.7/10)

The Extras:
Extras? At least they make up for the fact that so far, the rest of this release has been pretty damn pathetic.

Menus! Animated menus! Alright, these are pretty damned awful, honestly. I get that this season's release is Ralph Wiggum themed, but these menus, their animation loops, and menu loops are just illogical and painful. I seriously want to see whoever created them in the unemployment line, with each and every finger broken. Not even that will take back the pain I had to suffer watching Ralph "dance" in a loop, play guitar in a loop, while every 15 seconds onlookers sound shocked that he can play, or do a loop playing a shooting game. These menus are the epitome of everything wrong with The Simpsons: lazy, annoying, ridiculous. There's less effort here than Jeffrey Dahmer ever showed towards not killing.

All Discs:
Resume playback feature to allow easier non-marathon viewing
Audio Commentaries on every episode
Deleted Scenes on most episodes
Bookmarks
Easter Eggs - At the bottom of the screen, on the menu index, there are four tabs. If you press right again, a dot will appear, that will bring up a random trinket. Disc one has a screen showing a cover of The Village Voice, featuring Homer, Lenny, and Carl. Oooh, and Blu-ray CREDITS. Yeah, that's great shit right there.

Disc 1 extras:
A Token from Matt Groening
Ralphisms
Animation Showcase
Special Language Features, where an episode will have samples of other dubs

Disc 2 extras:
Animation Showcase
The People Ball
The 13th Crewman
Blame it on the Monkeys

Disc 3 extras:
Commercials
The Games
The Sweet Life of Ralph
Sketch Gallery
Play all option on Deleted Scenes
Rating: 8/10

Overall:
The Simpsons: Season 13 isn't quite bad enough to earn my middle finger, but damn is it close. Repetitive, unimaginative, and completely boring and unmemorable. That's what we're talking about here. Fans, keep on sucking it up. When the show hits 50 years, and still features a baby that can't talk, two pre-teenagers, and a marriage that has been tested 30,000 times, as they do the same shit they did in some previous episode 47 years ago, now updated to be culturally hip, you'll have only yourselves to blame. Meanwhile, eat up this release, and it's wimpy video, slightly above average audio, but still, excellent set of extras.
Rating: 6/10