A man "dressed as Lady Godiva..." I thought she was famous for her lack of dressing up.
Malcolm Rees, Aldershot
Air bear - How do you fly a panda 5,000 miles? Sounds like the joke about 2 w(h)ales in a mini...
Julia Childerhouse @BBC New Magazine
Excellent article on trams however you have omitted the Volk's Electric Railway in Brighton. This opened in 1883 and is the oldest operating railway in the world. Although most of its route is fenced off, in all other respects it is a tramway.
John Airey, Peterborough, UK
"New Icelandic volcano eruption..." Phew, what a relief, it's only called Katla!
JennyT, NY Brit
From your obituary of Brazilian footballer Socrates: "When I named one of my sons Fidel, my mother said 'that's a bit of a strong name to give a child'. 'Mother,' I said, 'look at what you did to me'," he joked before his death. Well, I don't suppose he'd be joking after his death.
Faustino, Brisbane, Australia
Re:10 things. "Having a shed can lower your blood pressure." Daily Mail. Ahh, but does a shed cause or cure cancer?
Jimmy, Milton Keynes
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
So today appears to be "Cyber Monday" - the day that online retailers brace themselves for a pre-Christmas shopping frenzy.
Paper Monitor is confused. Haven't we already had Cyber Monday? Wasn't it last week?
Apparently UK retailers have been split over which day to mark as the biggest pre-Christmas online bonanza. According to the Guardian, spending will peak today as consumers try to meet postal deadlines.
All this talk of shopping is making Paper Monitor's head spin.
But there is more. In the battle for the Christmas purse, High Street chains have been forced to bring the Boxing Day sales forward by 21 days, according to the Daily Mail. Prices have been slashed in what the paper refers to as "panic sales".
The Mail quotes the boss of one chain of toy shops as saying it is the most "discounted Christmas" that he has know in 30 years.
The Daily Express publishes a picture of 8,000 Santas crowding down a street in Liverpool. Apparently there were Santa sprints all over the country on Sunday. Had news of the High Street bargains reached the North Pole?
Snippets from the week's news, sliced, diced and processed for your convenience.
1. Ravens are the only species other than apes who can "point" and share objects like humans.
More details (Daily Mail)
2. You are not allowed to take conkers from Royal parks.
More details (Daily Telegraph)
3. More than one in every 10 banknotes in circulation in Britain is contaminated with cocaine.
More details (Guardian)
4. The world's only sex school is in Austria.
More details (Daily Mail)
5. The FTSE, the London stock market measure of leading share prices, was the most popular Yahoo search this year, ahead of the likes of Justin Bieber and Katie Price.
More details (This Is Money)
6. Turtles communicate with each other before hatching.
More details (Daily Telegraph)
7. Having a shed can lower your blood pressure.
More details (Daily Mail)
8. The 12 days of Christmas now cost: $101,119, the most expensive item being seven swans a swimming, which would cost $6,300.
More details (The Consumerist)
9. Wasps recognise each other's faces.
More details (Nature)
10. Swearing really can relieve pain.
More details (Daily Telegraph)
Seen 10 things? Send us a picture to use next week.
"Sooty puppet to go under hammer". Seems harsh?
Simon, Edinburgh
Curse you Paper Monitor! I'll be singing Mahna Mahna for the rest of the weekend! Ha ha ha. But you are right. It has made me smile, and giggle, and look slightly foolish in the office.
Clare McMenemy @BBC News Magazine
Do doooo do do do.
Sharon Barrett @BBC News Magazine
Mahna mahna.
Clare McMenemy @BBC News Magazine
Monitor note: Do do do do.
Reason to be cheerful No. 51 - Remembering the night MM and I drank Dry Martinis in a cliff-top bar overlooking the Pacific. When we were young, eh?
Lewis Graham, Hitchin
Monitor note: Treasured memories Lewis.
I was hoping to brag about my 0/7 score for the magazine 7 days quiz, but then I guessed the last one right. Oh well.
Kay, London, UK
Al? AL? Has anyone seen Al? Popped out for some milk on Thursday's Letters and hasn't been seen since.
Vicky S, East London
It's the Caption Competition.
Winning entries in the Caption Competition.
The competition is now closed. Full rules can be seen here [PDF].
This week it was German artists Evo's replica of the estate where he lives in East Berlin. It's on display at his first British exhibition, being held in London.
Thanks to all who entered. The prize of a small amount of kudos to the following:
6. Rob Falconer wrote:
And they pulled down a row of Lego Georgian town-houses for this?
5. SkarloeyLine wrote:
Estate Modern
4. eattherich wrote:
The stage is set for this year's Annual Architect's Christmas Shakespeare Production. This year, Tower Hamlet.
3. Candace9839 wrote:
And I see the gent in 1307 has forgotten to draw the shades again.
2. Steve-0 wrote:
The Richard Dawkin's advent calendar somwehat lacked the Christmas spirit.
1. Kieran Boyle wrote:
On her return to Wonderland Alice just couldn't believe what the planners had allowed.
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
It's Friday, and if that isn't a good enough reason to be cheerful then the Times gives us 50 more today.
Why? Who cares.
So what have we got? It all starts rather slowly, but by number six Paper Monitor's mouth is starting to form a smile. The days will start getting longer again in only three weeks. This comes courtesy of Times columnist Robert Crampton. Nice.
Number 10 will bring cheer for six million people. These are the six million who will be informed over the coming months that they are to receive tax rebates, averaging £400. A rare windfall.
Number 32 should really be called "a reason why novelist Louis de Bernieres should be cheerful".
There has been a good crop of pears and the best ever crop of walnuts in the garden of Louis de Bernieres, and he grew the fattest carrot that anyone has ever seen."
But in the spirit of goodwill to all men, we can all try to be happy for him - and his carrot.
Number 36 doesn't start well. Pop group Steps have re-formed. No cheer here. But it redeems itself by also reminding us that Westlife have split up. Paper Monitor is much happier now.
Number 38 comes courtesy of Times columnist Caitlin Moran - the Mahna Mahna song from The Muppet Show. See, we're all beaming now.
But Paper Monitor's real favourite is number 33. Just watch the Fenton YouTube video again. Then again. And then once more.
Best. Video. Ever.
Much more effective than a 24-hour strike.
Henri, Sidcup
"Only the size of the mobile indicates this photo was taken in the 1980s". What? Seriously? Are you having a laugh BBC?
Rob, London, UK
Monitor note: Yes. Tee-hee.
Basil (Wednesday's Letters), a notch of wind is the amount of wind to blow one double decker bus the length of one football pitch.
Eric, Bristol
Jack (Wednesday's Letters), i've just scored my first ever 7 out of 7, and for the first time had to guess every answer. Can you use your Matrix style abilities to work out the odds of that? (I'm desperately trying to think of something pedantic to say so i can get my long black leather coat on the way out).
Ed, Wakefield
Excuse monitorites, I just need to pop out to get some milk. Won't be long - help yourself to whatever is in the fridge.
Al, Wellington
15:48 UK time, Monday, 5 December 2011
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