A University of Cambridge study released in February 2011 found that upbeat teens were more likely to divorce than their less-happy peers. Researchers used data from 2,776 teens ages 13-15 who participated in a 1946 British cohort study,hh in which their teachers rated their happiness levels at the time.
The researchers conducted this study longitudinally and visited those same individuals at other points in their lives specifically at ages 36, 43, and 53 and evaluated their incidence of mental disorder, life satisfaction, and social lives -- including divorce. Lo and behold and much to the surprise of everyone the teens who were the happiest in adolescence were more likely to divorce at a higher rate (20.4 %) than the other, less-happy study participants.
Researchers explained that happy children grow up to have strong self-esteem and self-efficacy and are more willing to end unhappy and unhealthy marriages. On the other had, Sonja Lyubomirsky, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside, led a team of researchers that investigated the connections between life success, well-being and desirable personal characteristics.
According to Ms. Lyubomirsky, "Happy individuals are more likely than their less happy peers to have fulfilling marriages and relationships, high incomes, superior work performance, community involvement, robust health and even a long life."
What's my theory? I'm not sure that marital success can be based on how happy you were as a child. What determines marital success is a person's definition of happiness, their ability to solve marital problems and the realization that there is no such thing as a "happy marriage." In other words, go into marriage with realistic expectations and you're more likely to succeed at marriage.
Do you believe in Karma? Or maybe you believe, like some Christians that if you victimize others to get what you want you will eventually become the victim. If it is possible for someone to "reap" what they sow, then I think John Edwards is dealing with a plentiful harvest at the moment.
Edwards is accused of accepting more than $900,000 from benefactors to pay for expenses of his mistress, Rielle Hunter and hide the affair from his wife and children. He is now on trial for charges that he violated campaign finance laws and could face up to 30 years in prison.
Personally I think 30 years is a bit much. I also believe that John Edward's biggest violation was the one against his family, not what he did or didn't do with campaign funds. And I'm certain that Elizabeth Edwards made him pay for his moral shortcomings before she passed away.
Could be though that there really is such a thing as Karma and in the end, the universe will decide how much evil falls on those who sow evil. If that is the case we should all pause and consider our actions before putting our needs before the needs and well-fair of others. Especially if your need is another man/woman.
Today is Parental Alienation Awareness Day. To help folks understand what Parental Alienation is, it is important they are "aware" of the difference between healthy parental behavior and alienating parental behavior. I can think of no better way of bringing that awareness to my readers than sharing a bit of my Parental Alienation story.
My ex views our children as objects meant to satisfy his wants and needs. His wants and needs can't be satisfied if his children also have a relationship with me, their mother. Since the day we separated his relationship with his children has been determined by how little of a relationship they have with me. When they have a relationship with me, he withholds his love and respect from them. He takes away their right to the security that comes along with two loving parents.
He was estranged from his children for six years. He became angry and they paid by doing without his love and affection. They wrote expressing a desire to see him, he responded by telling them they knew where he was and were welcome in his home at any time. In other words, "you want a relationship with me you are going to have to do all the work." When asked why he had no relationship with his children he told people, "it is what it is."
After six years of estrangement he was reunited with his younger son who had become ill. My ex rode in like a white knight to save the day and off he went with his son. I was fine with this, if the child needed anything, he needed his father and I'm all about what my child needs.
Within a few days of living in his father's home the alienation began. It was agreed that I would call my child twice a week to talk and he would call me when the need or desire came up. One day I called my ex's home and his wife answered. I was told that my child wasn't home. I asked the new wife how he was doing, was reassured that he was "great" and that she would tell him I had called.
I felt good about the conversation. It had been civil, I had expressed my appreciation to her for caring about my child and being good to him. Finally, I thought, we are on the right track. This is about the child, not about the ex or me.
Later that night I received an email from my ex. He told me that I was to NEVER call his home phone number again. That his wife was not interested in talking to me and that he had given our child strict instructions to NEVER answer the home phone. There went my hopes of having a good co-parenting relationship!
My son had a cell phone that I was paying for. Within a couple of weeks my ex had set him up with a new cell phone and told him not to share the number with his mother or her relatives. He was also not allowed to communicate with friends he had, had since grade school. He was told that if he communicated with anyone in my area code that his phone and car would be taken away from him.
What better way to manipulate a teen into doing what you want than threatening to withhold his car? My ex knew what he wanted and exactly how to get it regardless of the discomfort it caused his son. His actions told his son, "if you love your mother, I will not love you."
My son was out of touch for nine months. I had no contact with him. My ex refused to follow the custody order and send me information about school activities and medical issues. My son was hospitalized for a week during his time with his father. I was not notified nor given the opportunity to discuss an ongoing medical issue with doctor's treating my son.
Shortly after my son turned 18 he returned home. He was legally an "adult" and able to take control over his own life. He left his father's home and has not spoken to him since. Not because he doesn't want to talk to his father. He would give anything to have a relationship with him. His father doesn't answer his calls. His father doesn't respond to voice mails or emails. His father is once again withholding his love and attention because my son didn't not chose his father over his mother.
That is Parental Alienation. One parent consistently working to cause a rift between the child and the other parent. Some feel the focus of alienation should be on the damage done to the parent who is being alienated. I believe the focus should be on the child who is being encouraged to feel anger toward a parent. Parental Alienation is a form of emotional abuse that is being perpetuated on many, many children of divorce.
Recent studies show that an alienated child's brain is physically altered by such an experience. Emotional abuse is extremely damaging and has lifelong consequences. Add to the mix a parent who withholds a relationship to the mix and what kind of life can a child be expected to live?
My son not only suffered the damage done by his father's attempt to alienate me, he has suffered the deprivation that comes along with the loss of his father's love. How does a child overcome such deprivation? Love is the deepest need of all human beings, and the withdrawal of it is the worst punishment that one person can impose on another.
If you are guilty of Parental Alienation please be aware of the fact that you are punishing your child by refusing to allow them the most basic of human needs, love. My son deserved better than he got from his father. Every child, by right of birth has earned the love of both parents. Be a healthy parent and encourage a loving relationship between your child and his/her other parent. Do it for your child's sake!
Americans' well-being differs greatly by marital status, according to data from the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index. Americans who are married have the highest levels of well-being (68.8), while those who are divorced (59.7) and, in particular, those who are separated experience the lowest levels of well-being (55.9).
The fact that divorce often means less health, happiness and prosperity is not news. A study released in 2008 found that divorced folks suffer 20 percent more chronic health conditions, such as heart disease, diabetes or cancer, than individuals who were currently married.
Is it divorce and separation that causes the loss of well-being? Is it the way we deal with divorce and separation? Are we just naturally healthier, happier and more prosperous when married? According to the study a person's marital status does impact their well-being.
Since divorce is inevitable for some, such studies highlight more urgently the need for us to take care of ourselves before, during and after divorce. Based on the fact that divorce impacts our lives negatively below are a few suggestions that will keep you from falling victim to such statistics.
