He's keeping score

For the past few years I have been dating a man who is in his early 60s. He is retired and has children who are out of college and on their own. We see each other about once a week and talk on the phone every day. In his words, he is kind of a hermit; he enjoys spending time with people but mostly likes being alone doing stuff around his house.

When I first got divorced I thought I would want to find a new relationship. Now I'm leaning toward appreciating the freedom of being single and having the comfort of a relationship that's "there" but not intense.

My main problem? We don't have the easy give-and-take that I would hope for in a relationship. He keeps track of whose turn it is to cook dinner and who has done what household task for the other. About half the time I carry groceries to his house on the T and cook there. This is fine, but sometimes if I've had a busy week I'd like him to cook even if it should be "my turn." He sometimes does small favors for me, like fixing something, but I feel like I am indebted for the favor. And, in fact, I know he mentally "keeps track" of favors he does for people, including things he does for me. He says that he believes that you should always have favors in the bank with people in order to maintain good relationships.

I think that people who are in a close relationship shouldn't keep track of everything too closely and should recognize that one person may need more support than the other sometimes. Even though my boyfriend and I aren't married and don't live together, I'd like to have some of that easy give-and-take.

My boyfriend has more free time, more money, and better resources. I'm more idealistic and community-oriented. He somewhat values the fact that through me he can connect with community events and get to know people. But he doesn't see that as a "contribution" to the relationship in the way fixing something in someone’s house might be.

I know this is a crazy situation and I'd like to improve it. So I guess I'd like some perspective - how do other people handle taking turns cooking and exchanging household repairs and the other small things that people do for each other?

– Is it my turn to cook dinner?, Boston