Wednesday, July 18, is the 20th anniversary of our marriage. How can I begin to tell you about Chaz? She fills my horizon, she is the great fact of my life, she has my love, she saved me from the fate of living out my life alone, which is where I seemed to be heading. If my cancer had come, and it would have, and Chaz had not been there with me, I can imagine a descent into lonely decrepitude. I was very sick. I might have vegetated in hopelessness. This woman never lost her love, and when it was necessary she forced me to want to live. She was always there believing I could do it, and her love was like a wind forcing me back from the grave.
Does that sound too dramatic? You were not there. She was there every day, visiting me in the hospital whether I knew it or not, becoming an expert on my problems and medications, researching possibilities, asking questions, making calls, even giving little Christmas and Valentine's Day baskets to my nurses, who she knew by name.
Chaz is a strong woman, sure of herself. I'd never met anyone like her. At some point in her childhood a determination must have been formed that she would make a success of herself. She was born into a large family on the West Side of Chicago, and already in high school was a tireless achiever. Her school yearbook shows her on every other page, a member of everything from the National Honor society to Spanish Club, and as vice president of the senior class to best dancer. She won a scholarship to the University of Chicago, but didn't accept it: "What did I know? Nobody told me it was a great university. I just wanted to get out of Chicago, to go somewhere on my own." She went to the University of Dubuque, and in keeping with the times she was a civil rights activist.There she met her first husband, and soon they were married and raising their children Josibiah and Sonia. She might easily have called off her professional dreams and returned to Chicago, where Merle was an electrical engineer. She went to the University of Wisconsin at Madison for a BA in sociology, and then graduated from the DePaul College of Law, the alma mater of generations of Chicago politicians and lawyers. And all this time raising her family, as she and Merle moved to the suburbs and bought a home. She was a litigator at Bell, Boyd and Lloyd, an important firm. After 17 years she and Merle were divorced, but remain friends.
We like to tell people we were "introduced by Ann Landers," which is technically true, although Eppie Lederer didn't know her at the time. The night I took Eppie to an open AA meeting, we decided to go out to dinner together afterwards; this was the first and only time we ever had dinner for two. In the restaurant, Chaz was at a nearby table that included a couple of people I knew. I didn't know her, but I'd seen her before and was attracted. I liked her looks, her voluptuous figure, and the way she presented herself. She took a lot of care with her appearance and her clothes never looked quickly thrown together. She seemed to be holding the attention of her table. You never get anywhere with a woman you can't talk intelligently with.
Something possessed me to pull off one of the oldest tricks in the book. "I have a couple of friends over there I'd love for you to meet," I told Eppie, and got up to take her across. As the introductions went around, Chaz was included. When we went back to our own table, I had her card. I studied the card and showed it to Eppie, who said, "You sly fox."
I came back from the Toronto Film Festival with the card on my mind. I called Chaz and invited her to attend the Lyric Opera, which I'd subscribed to a year earlier because Danny Newman, the Lyric's press agent, had stood in my office door and said, "A man like you not going go the Lyric, you should be ashamed." Chaz, who later told me she never expected to hear from me again, said, "Actually, I'm on the women's board of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra." I said I loved the Symphony, but I had, cough, subscription seats at the Lyric for Monday night. The opera was "Tosca." She said it was her favorite. "Does that scare you?" "No," I said, "why should it?" At the time I knew nothing about "Tosca."
We went to dinner afterwards at a restaurant in Greek Town. Something happened. She had a particular quality. She didn't seem to be a "date" but an equal. She knew where she stood, and I found that attractive. I was going out to Los Angeles a few days later, and I asked her to come along. We formed a serious bond rather quickly. It was an understood thing. I was in love, I was serious, I was ready for my life to change. I had been on hold too long. She lived on the 82nd floor of the Hancock Center and started sending me daily e-mails, even after we'd seen each other earlier the same evening. Her love letters were poetic, idealistic and often passionate. I responded as a man and a lover. As a newspaperman, I observed she never, ever, made a copy-reading error. I saved every one of her letters along with my own, and have them encrypted on my computer, locked inside a file where I can't reach them because the program and the operating system are now 20 years out of date. But they're in there. I'm not about to entrust them to anyone at the Apple Genius Counter.
Our lives grew together. One day in May at the Cannes Film Festival we rented a car and drove over to San Remo in Italy to visit the grave of Edward Lear, and on the way back we stopped in Monte Carlo and in a cafe over coffee I proposed marriage. Why did I choose Monte Carlo, a place I have no desire to ever see again? I should have chosen London or Venice or for that matter Chicago. I wasn't thinking in those terms. We were sitting there talking in a little cafe at the end of a happy day and I became overwhelmed with the desire to propose marriage. Chaz filled my mind. She excited me physically. She was funny. She made a reading of my life rather quickly, understood what I did and how I had to do it, and after I proposed marriage she resigned as a lawyer because I wanted her to travel more than she would otherwise be able to.
Chaz became the vice president of the Ebert Company. It wasn't merely a title. She organized my contracts, protected my interests, negotiated, wheeled and dealed. I've never understood business and have no patience with business meetings or legal details. I had a weakness for signing things just to make them go away. She observed this, and defended me. It was a partnership.
We had times together I will always remember. Right after our first Christmas together, we flew to Venice, where I promised Chaz it would be rainy, cold, deserted, and we would have it all to ourselves. That was how I'd first seen Venice in 1966, and it was the same. It was romantic, sleeping late in the Royal Danelli and then waking up and making love and looking out across the Grand Canal. The hotel was half empty, the rooms a fraction of the summer cost. The city was shrouded in mist and always haunting. Romance in the winter in Venice is intimate and private, almost hushed. One night we went to the Municipal Casino, carefully taking only as much money as we were ready to lose, and we lost it. In a little restaurant we had enough left for spaghetti with two plates, and then lacked even the fare for the canal waterbus. We walked the long way back through the night and cold, our arms around each other, figures appearing out of the fog, lights traced on the wet stones, pausing now and again to kiss and be solemn. It was one of those experiences that seals a marriage.
At Cannes we bought a chicken sandwich for Quentin Tarantino in a beach restaurant, after "Reservoir Dogs" had been a success but he was broke. The next time we saw him at Cannes was after "Pulp Fiction," when Miramax had rented a ballroom in the Carlton for him. It was the first time we remembered. Another night, after seeing "Boys N the Hood" and being awed by it, we drove out of town for dinner with John Singleton, so young and filled with plans. Chaz seemed to know everybody and to remember all the names; I had often been more abstracted than anyone realized.
We had fun together. In Salvador, the capitol of Bahia in Brazil, we decided to go to a Lambada nightclub, and practiced the dance in our hotel room. Wandering around the town, we saw a dress shop with local fashions and Chaz bought a low-cut white summer gown with lots of ruffles. She looked sexy as hell when we left the hotel. When we walked into the club, an odd silence fell. Something was wrong. People seemed to be smiling for the wrong reasons. An English-speaking waitress took mercy on us, and explained the dress was a national costume intended for pageants and such. Wearing it to a nightclub was like me dressing as Uncle Sam.
In London, we stayed at 22 Jermyn Street, the former Eyrie Mansion. Chaz drew me into the contemporary art scene. I'd started collecting my Edward Lear watercolors in the 1980s, but after we moved into our town house with expanses of bare wall, we could think in terms of larger paintings. In the Purdy-Hicks Gallery on the South Bank, where we'd gone to look at work by our friend David Hiscock, we saw a spacious canvas in a store room and found ourselves side by side just regarding it. This was by Gillian Ayres, a formidable abstract expressionist who covered huge areas with bright impasto. It was a work inspired by a kite festival in India, and its energy flooded the room. Over a few years we obtained five works by Ayres, and even had dinner with her one night at the Groucho Club, where the raffish atmosphere matched her roots in London's 1950s.
The greatest pleasure came from annual trips we made with our grandchildren Raven, Emil and Taylor, and their parents Sonia and Mark. Josibiah and his son Joseph came on one of those trips, where we made our way from Budapest to Prague, Vienna and Venice. We went with the Evans family to Hawaii, Los Angeles, London, Paris, Venice, and Stockholm. We walked the ancient pathway from Cambridge to Grantchester. Emil announced that for him there was no such thing as getting up too early, and every morning the two of us would meet in a hotel lobby and go out for long walks together. I took my camera. One morning in Budapest he asked me to take a photo of two people walking ahead of us and holding hands.
"Why?"
"Because they look happy."
At last I could show off my city secrets. I was happy enough to drift for years lonely and solitary through strange cities, but it was more fun with the family. One quality the children had was the ability to feel at home anywhere, in restaurants, theaters, museums. They were attentive and absorbed. They had been well raised.
Those times seem more precious now that they're in the past. I don't walk easily anymore. When we were married I told Chaz that in 1987 I'd had a salivary tumor removed. Good Dr. Schlichter observed the surgery and told me, "They got it all. Every last speck." But I was warned my cancer was slow-growing and sneaky, and might return years later. That's what happened, and it set into motion all of my current troubles.
I mentioned how expert and exacting Chaz became in my care. Now I must tell you of her love. In the hospital, day after day, she was my staff of strength. In the rehabilitations she cheered me through every faltering step, and when I looked at a flight of three steps I was intended to climb, it was her will that helped me lift my feet. To visit a hospital is not pleasant. To do it hundreds of times is heroic.
The TV show was using "guest co-hosts" and Richard Roeper held down the fort. But after the first surgery failed and I nearly died, it must have been clear to her that my TV days were over. She never admitted it. She had faith, she encouraged me, her presence gave me strength. She brought my friends to see me. Studs Terkel came several times. Father Andrew Greeley was cheerful and optimistic. She brought McHugh and Mary Jo, Gregory Nava, Jon and Pamela Anderson, the mayor's wife Maggie Daley, the actress Bonnie Hunt (who had once been an oncology nurse at Northwestern). Chaz had become friends with the healer Caroline Myss, and brought her to my bedside to evoke positive thoughts. I did not and do not believe in that kind of healing, but I see only good in the feelings it can engender. I am no longer religious, but every single day Chaz took my hand before she left and recited the 23rd Psalm and the Lord's Prayer, and from this I took great comfort.
After I was allowed to return home for the first time, Chaz decided I was ready for the Pritikin Longevity Center near Miami. We'd been going to Pritikin, first in Santa Monica and then Florida, since before we were married, and their theories about diet and exercise became gospel to me (sometimes more in the breach than the observance). I had for years been an enthusiastic walker, but now, after rehabilitation, I was using a stroller and it was slow going.
I couldn't eat the largely vegetarian diet at Pritikin, but Chaz knew the cooks would blend a liquid diet to supplement my cans of nutrition. She also informed me that I was going to walk, exercise, and get a lot of sunshine. Because it was painful to sit in most chairs, Pritikin found me a reclining chair that faced a big TV. I had brought along a pile of books. I cracked open the sliding doors and a fragrant breeze came in, and I would have been completely content to stay there just like that. It was not to be. Chaz ordered me on my feet for morning and afternoon walks, with my caregivers trailing along behind me with a wheelchair. I'd go as far as I thought I could, and Chaz would unfailingly pick out a farther goal to aim for. She was relentless.
In the gym everyday I cranked through 20 minutes on the treadmill and then worked out with weights and exercise bands. After the gym she took me outside to sit in the sun for half an hour. She explained how natural Vitamin D would help strengthen my bones, which were weakened during the muscular degeneration of weeks of post-surgical bed rest. I resented her unceasing encouragement. I was lazy. It was ever so much preferable to sit and read. But she was making me do the right thing.
She did it all over again after my next three tours through the Rehabilitation Institute. Four times I learned to walk again, and each time she took me to Pritikin or Rancho La Puerta in Tecate, Mexico, which I had grown to love. I parked the wheelchair for good, I was no longer using a stroller, I was walking, not quickly or for miles, but walking. And getting Vitamin D. At home, we took walks around the neighborhood and down to the Lily Pond in Lincoln Park. We began to go to all the screenings again. She found Dr. Mark Baker, an exercise therapist, to regularly work with me.
It must not have been the most pleasant thing in the world to trail along as I walked slowly. She must have wished we could still be taking our trips overseas. When she thought I was ready for it, she took me back to London and Cannes, and every autumn to the Toronto festival. I know that left on my own I would have stayed at home in my favorite Relax-the-Back chair. That I am still active, going places, moving, in good health, is directly because of her.
We planned all along to produce a show that would continue the Siskel & Ebert & Roeper tradition. Chaz did all the heavy lifting, the negotiations, the contracts. We were going to be the co-producers, but I told her she was born for the job. She repeatedly told me I needed to appear more on the show, even with my computer voice. My instinct was to guard myself. I can never be on television as I once was. She said, "yes, but people are interested in what you have to say, not in how you say it." The point is not which of us in correct. The point is that she's encouraging me. She has more faith in me than I do.
I sensed from the first that Chaz was the woman I would marry, and I know after 20 years that my feelings were true. She has been with me in sickness and in health, certainly far more sickness than we could have anticipated. I will be with her, strengthened by her example. She continues to make my life possible, and her presence fills me with love and a deep security. That's what a marriage is for. Now I know.
Excerpted from my memoir, "Life Itself."
Our flower girls were Gene and Marlene's daughters, Kate and Callie.
Seeing your TED talk made it clear that Chaz loves Roger too.
That's beautiful. Happy Anniversary.
Happy Anniversary
I loved your story about being lost in Venice--beautiful. You are so fortunate to have each other. I aspire to be like Chaz as a wife and a person. Congratulations on achieving this milestone together!
Gorgeous. A very Happy Anniversary to you both!
You are a doubly blessed man -- first, because you have Chaz, and second because you realize what a blessing that is. I wish you both many more years of life together.
Wonderful Roger, just wonderful. Your cup runneth over.
Thank you for sharing your love story with us. Happy Anniversary and God Bless.
Wow. Roger is just such a great writer. This personal script is just as engrossing to read as his reviews. I don't even get to the movies much, but I always read his reviews. He's easily the best movie critic ever, but his devotion to the movie domain and the excellence of his writing will be his legacy. I'm not an English Lit. major, just a 'johnny lunchbox' but I see a lot of Twain in his reviews, as I get the same 'i feel like i'm there' sentiment when reading his work.
I would love to meet him, more than just about anyone, and talk with him. There is no more interesting person to talk to than one who has an expertise and nearly unequaled love of a subject, whether it be movies, chemistry or even a specific political view. Roger is a triple threat: movies, writing, and Chaz. I'd have a millions questions.
Happy Anniversary Mr. Ebert, to you and your amazing wife Mrs. Chaz Ebert. A truer, sweeter love story I could not imagine. You give the romantics and cheerleaders for love hope; and even better, those of us who never thought we'd get a second shot at love an enduring beacon to be guided by in optimism (I've been divorced too, still friends with my ex, and remarried to a wonderful man this January). Thank you for being such an incredible example of resilience, and of sharing your beautiful love story with your readers.
Thank you, Roger. What a wonderful story.
Absolutely beautiful
Happy Anniversary! That was beautiful.
Roger, the first time I saw your show, I was in high school, and you gave a positive review to MY DINNER WITH ANDRE. I couldn't believe two guys talking could carry a whole movie, so I convinced some of my friends to go see it, and we were blown away.
Ever since, your show and later writing were a big part of what steered me to movies that were thought provoking as well as entertaining, and steered me away from some stinkers that artfully crafted trailers and ad campaigns might have lured me into seeing.
I'm glad you've found so much happiness in your mate--you've given a lot to those of us who have watched and read you over the years.
Wow! What a beautiful story. So inspiring. Thank you so much Chaz, for taking care of this men who is a genius!! I never go see a movie without reading what he has to say.
Wishing you both many more years together!!
I wish this beautiful marriage an ever green happiness.
Setareh (which means star) from Iran.
p.s. If you intended to treasure her you certainly succeeded as well as to make us cry. And you know at the end, the title changed in our minds to: Chaz loves Roger. This is so obvious! We love you too.
I absolutley LOVED every word of this post. Thank you.
This moved me to tears. Thank you so much for sharing. We should all be so lucky to have someone as wonderful and strong as your lovely wife obviously is. With great eloquence and soul you have conveyed the profound caring you have for each other. It's a beautiful piece Mr. Ebert. Happy anniversary to you both. My wish for you and Mrs. Ebert is one of tranquility, comfort and happiness.
Roger, if anyone ever doubts your love for Chaz, whip out that first wedding photo: a smile that wide just can't be faked. You look like one of those people who have their picture taken just after hitting a seven-figure slot-machine jackpot. I guess you did hit the jackpot, so to speak.
The last Ebertfest screened some wonderful movies, but I was most moved by seeing Chaz react to hearing the Citizen Kane commentary for the first time (I had just assumed she'd heard the track before). Even as she was tearing up she had this impressive poise as she briefly explained what the screening meant to her—and the words she chose were perfect.
This is one of many great passages in life itself. You express love better than any rom-com or pop song. Happy Anniversary.
For those who missed it, here's my review of Roger's memoirs.
http://www.dustyonmovies.com/2012/02/roger-ebert-life-itself-2011-book.html
Wow. What a great thing to read.
Totally reinforces my thoughts on lifelong relationships. The following may be tangential to your story, but relational nonetheless...
See, I am also married to a black woman. I have never thought of her as black, per se. And that was not the reason I married her 20+ years ago, either. I wanted her to be my wife because of WHO and WHAT she was; color was a distant consideration. Correction, color was NO consideration.
She was born in 1961, in Cleveland, where they STILL had separate areas for white and "colored" babies. She was VERY light skinned at the time (she darkened up..;) ) and was placed with the white babies. When Mom and Dad came to look at their first born through the window (which is how things were done in 1961), the nurse on the other side got offended that they were looking at the "white" babies! Mom showed her wrist band, the nurse looked at the baby's band and (wide eyed !) moved my wife to the "Negro" side.
We still laugh at that and think of how far we have come and how far we have yet to go.
But this does not completely relate to the crux of the story; her support through your health challenges. Well, my wife has had her share of health challenges, not equal to yours, but challenging and requiring months of rehab as well. I'm a white man wearing Chaz's shoes! ;)
Please accept our heartfelt conrgats on your anniversary and our wishes on many more, as well!
Wonderful Chaz. Wonderful piece. Please write a book about her.
You want beauty? For that you look at a relationship, not a person.
Happy anniversary! :)
Hip, hip, hooray, Roger and Chazz
And your union of warmth and pizzazz,
With toast and bouquet
Of best wishes your way
And some grace notes of elegant jazz.
Cheers!
How beautiful -- the writing, the story, the marriage. A genuine Happy Anniversary wish to both of you.
There isn't much to say beyond how wonderful it is for you to share a glimpse into this amazing bond. I hope for a marriage that will be even half as strong as you two are. Godspeed.
Wow. I tend not to leave comments online, but I have to at least let you know how good this makes me feel inside. I'm so happy that the two of you found each other.
Roger,
Love is not romanticized here; it feels as real as stone. You both know who you are, who the other person is, and you accept each other. This is exactly what so many people need to hear about love, not couch-jumping antics of a love-struck movie star. I myself am hopeful for the possibility of some day being in love and married, but feel that I have tried to have romantic love fill a void in me that should rather be filled by myself.
Before I give off the wrong impression, I should tell you that I'm 28. Time is on my side, and I still have growing to do. All that being said, I'm curious what advice you have for a young person in finding love...and also keeping it. For I believe I have a tendency to "over pursue," and I can't quite find a way around that just yet...
Happy Anniversary,
-Andy-
Such a privilege to read this. Happy anniversary.
Happy anniversary guys!
You share the day with a very special guy in Nelson mandela, 94 today!
All the best
Thanks Chaz, thanks Roger. The most happy anniversary to you two.
Biggest smile ever on Rogers face when standing next to his bride!
"Love Makes The World Go Round" -Deon Jackson-(1966)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbqKsk16L0g
Wonderful, touching piece. Many years of joy for the future.
It's incredible when you find your soul mate. It's a blessing! Happy Anniversary Roger and Chaz!
Simply beautiful to read.
Happy Anniversary to the both of you and my wish for many more years together.
Roger, you are probably aware that you are one lucky bastard. Perhaps it even occurred to you that you are blessed as well, which I'll take instead of luck any day. Being middle aged and single, all I can say is - you ****** dog you.
Happy anniversary to you and Chaz, good luck and God bless to you both and your family.
Happy anniversary.
We (my wife and I) just celebrated our 20th a few days ago.
The specifics of people's lives are unique to them, but I could totally relate to the broad strokes of what you are writing.
I am glad to say that I can recognize from experience, a couple made for each other when I see them.
Your testimony of love rings very true.
Roel
Tear-jerking, poignant, beautiful story! Happy, happy anniversary! I read somewhere that WHEN I'M THE MOST UNLOVABLE IS WHEN I NEED YOUR LOVE THE MOST! I'm seeing that that's only possible when a firm foundation of PHILIA love has been built, fostered, nurtured, and depended on... Love on, yall!
Lucky you. Lovely. Beautiful woman. Happy Anniversary. Many more.
Love it. A true love story!
Thanks Roger, that brightened my morning. Happy anniversary!
Amazing read!! Happy Anniversary!! Enjoy! :)
It's been such a privilege getting to know you both. You are a very lucky man Rog. Congratulations!
Beautiful. The love you two share is just beautiful. Happy Anniversary, and many more.
A beautiful tribute for what looks like a beautiful partnership. Happy Anniversary to you both.
Happy day, my friend. I have you in my heart.
What a wonderful post to read.
If I had the writing ability you have I could have written those first two paragraphs because, if you change the names and the dates, it's my life. Here's to strong women!
Happy anniversary, Roger and Chaz. :)
Aww you lucky pair. Congratulations.
Rob
I loved this eloquent tribute to your beloved. I had almost twenty years with mine before I lost him a year-and-a-half ago, my own Chicago boy, and know the power of a devoted helpmate. Congratulations to you both. You got a good one.
Brought tears to my eyes! Happy Anniversary!
Very touching and wonderful to read. I will celebrate your anniversary today as well... probably by getting a huge ice cream sundae with some sort of gooey topping. Cheers to Roger and Chaz! Thanks for sharing the story!
Oh my. So lovely. Congratulations on your anniversary!
Thank you for sharing. All the best on your anniversary.
What a lovely love letter. Thank you for letting us in.
Happy Anniversary Roger! May you & Chaz enjoy many, many more wonderful years together.
What a wonderful story! The best to you both.
Happy Anniversary Roger and Chaz!
this was one of the highlights of "Life Itself" -- thank you, Roger, for the love you put into all your writing. And your relationships.
A beautiful, luminous, and moving love story. Happy anniversary.
Aw, man. I'm tearing up over here. I already read this in your book and rereading it here I'm tearing up over here. That's love.
Yes. Beautiful. It makes me happy for both of you.
Very moving, thank you.
Happy Anniversary!
I'm so glad that you're both aware of how fortunate you were to find one another. The love is palpable in everything I've seen and read of you together. I couldn't wish anything more for anyone.
Like you, I married late and knew my husband was the man for me from the start. Your reflections are beautiful, full of blood and life. Congratulations on so many happy years with your bride. I hope many more are in your future. You are incredibly fortunate to have found each other!
Happy anniversary. She is a lovely woman, inside and out.
Rarely does love last the way it did with you guys. Your story is inspirational and heartwarming.
Send my best wishes to Chaz.
Congratulations from the family in Egypt.
Going through my own separation, I have become a bit jaded about marriage in general. True love does triumph. I have to remember that sometimes. Thank you so much for the life lesson and congratulations. A beautiful story.
Beautifully written, heartfelt and touching. Congratulations to you and Chazz and many, many more happy anniversaries!
This is a wonderful story! I'm sitting here, having my morning coffee, with tears in my eyes. Happy Anniversary to both of you!
Happy Anniversary, Mr. and Mrs. Ebert. No doubt that the Light has blessed you both and will continue to do so when there's so much pure love between you two.
Mr. Ebert,
Thank you for posting this excerpt from your book. This passionate recount of your last 20+ years with Chaz is beautiful and inspiring. Yes, you are blessed to have her, but clearly, she is blessed to have an amazing partner in you.
I have hope that I will someday find my missing puzzle piece as you have. You have proven that it is never too late.
Best wishes for another 20 years of unconditional love.
R. Taylor
Southern California
Touching words and Chaz is amazing. I know someone like that.
That was one of the most enjoyable blog entries I have ever read. Lovely memories of a lovely couple. I hope I can find someone like that to write about. Happy Anniversary!!
What a wonderful and loving tribute. It was a privilege to read. All the best for you both.
Perhaps the finest thing to realize in our lives is that we are HAPPY.
Not everybody is, and it is a great good fortune to get to that place. Thanks ever so much for your putting it into your own thoughtful words, which are at once quite personal and also quite public.
Dear Chaz and Roger,
May your love and devotion keep-on growing and bringing light and happiness to those who surround you
God bless you both.
Such a lovely loving piece to share. Thank you.
Happy Anniversary, Roger and Chaz. You have always known how lucky you were to find each other, except for those moments that the eight ball might have been unclear :)
It took three times for my dad to find the right one. We have told them both in no uncertain terms that she will not get rid of us when he is gone. They celebrated their 25th not long ago.
Love the wedding photos too,
Happy anniversary!! Continue to enjoy each other. Best wishes for you both.
Such a lovely tribute to the love of your life! Happy Anniversary Chaz and Roger.
Wonderful.... Thank you for sharing your story of you and Chaz (who I love dearly). What a love story! Best, Darlene (of Marlene and Charlene) xo
Roger, your words are so moving. Happy Anniversary. Wishing you and Chaz much love and laughter.
Congrats Roger. My your life always be filled with love.
A tree gathers rings, a man gathers wisdom, and relationships deepen.
Happy anniversary.
I the movie they make of YOUR life will be found in the romance section...
I'm still laughing about the story of Chaz's 'traditional' dress in Brazil. Congratulations to you both. You're both inspirational.
I love you Roger Ebert! Congrats on 20 wonderful years together ~ God bless you!
Dear Roger,
This was so beautiful. You and Chaz are very lucky people. It is rare now to find what you have. It makes me happy to see it. I wish you health, love and a happy anniversary filled to the brim with happiness!
Love, Alice
Wonderful, just wonderful, Happy Anniversary!!
Congratulations on your first 20 years of marriage. You make it sound like somethng worth trying.
Beautiful. How lucky you are to have such a strong woman in your life.
A tearfully joyous story. Perhaps there maybe a movie of your book someday.
What a lovely tribute to your wife, and to the love you share. And what a tremendous shame those early letters between you are lost in cyber-oblivion. I understand the impulse not to risk them vanishing forever in the hands of a computer-store technician, but surely it would be worth it to try and recover them?
In any event, happy anniversary...
Mazel tov. Such a gorgeous testament of love. Thank you, Roger, for all you are, and all you give.
Happy Anniversary, dear Chaz and Roger!
What a fantastic post. I am distributing link to friends as definition of True Love. Your unforgettable wedding was twenty years ago? Seems like yesterday.
Your story is one of true love. You have stayed together through sickness and health. Chaz has been there for you. And, you have been there for her. Its quite a love story. It almost my own love story. I have been with Linda my wife for 28 year. We got married 5 years ago. I'am a disabled vet and have problems walking. She got me out of my wheelchair and walking again with a cane because, she was always there when I needed her. She told me I could do it, and I did walk again. She went to many a trip to the Va hospital with me for all the doctors appointment and surgeries I had. A couple years ago the doctors found by accident, on an MRI I had for another problem, that I had a tumor in my left kidney and it was cancer. Its not spreading and they have been monitoring it by MRI and ultrasound exams. I have my next exam in August. Your story gives me hope that we can get through anything as long as we are together. Thank you for sharing your story Roger and Chaz. And, the best of everything in the future.
My parents celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary last year, where my siblings and I surprised them with an anniversary party. I was also part of the surprise, flying across the country to be there. What was wonderful for me to see was how much they still love and care for each other; what was wonderful for them to see was how much people still love and care for them.
Happy 20th Anniversary, Roger and Chaz, and may you have many, many more!
Dear Mr Ebert,
I'm so happy for you and Chez! Wish you many more moments of bliss and joy!
I wanted to write to you and thought of sending you a letter for a very long time but kept hesitating to do so because I'm very shy. I first came across your film review in 1995, when I first came to the US at 17 to study, and to run away from my parents. I always love films but wasn't allowed to rent videos of non-Disney films openly even in adolescence (there would be punishment if found out). At age 14, I discovered the late Polish film-maker Kieslowski through a late-night radio show talking briefly about the premise of The Double Life of Veronique. I imagined the tonal palate of the film and its emotional arc, and it has since stuck in my mind. I knew I would love this film and Kieslowski though I haven't seen any of his films yet. Finally I had a chance to watch it soon after I arrived here and lived on my own. It was just what I imagined. And when I had spare time, I used the school library's internet to search film reviews. It was the first time I used internet and I didn't know anything about you. I liked your film reviews and your prose instantly. It was also very nice to discover that you also share a strong affinity for Kieslowski. Through out my college years, I watched the other Kieslowski's films and then other films by Truffaut, Godard, Rhomer, and later Fellini, Antonioni, Tarkovsky ... I read your reviews after I'd seen their films, noticing that you also had affinity and deep understanding for Fellini and Truffaut (and later found out they are not even your favourite film-makers). My love for film just grows and grows. And I felt I grew up reading your reviews, perhaps because I started reading them regularly when I first became independent of my parents while experiencing great cultural shock. Not only did your recommendations help expand my film world (I'm a very timid person and had no intention of watching the genre films by Melville and had not heard of Leon Morin, Priest before; now I really admire Melville), but somehow your reviews seem to have a stronger impacts on me than an average commentary on film. Just like the films I love, to some degrees they make me feel less alone in the world, especially when I was dealing with abusive parents or isolating myself after a break-up.
On learning that you were sick, I was quite sad. I didn't watch TV or your show often and didn't pay attention to your personal life. I was worried that you would be recuperating alone. Then I found out there was Chez! She is wonderful! I send my best wishes to you and Chez and your extended family. Sorry for writing too long.
Ebert: Have you had a chance to look at Kieslowski's "Decalogue," made of 10 films of about an hour each? He was a great man, which shines through his work.
I'm glad you mentioned that this was taken from your great autobiography, which itself was stuff in your blog and essays just reprinted and expanded. Anyway, congrats on your long marriage, which interestingly enough, was July 18th and your birthday is exactly a month before (June 18th). On that note, a very happy 70th birthday for you. I wished you that on Facebook and I'm surprised there was no blog entry on turning 70, which is a great milestone!!!!!!
You the man, Roger, and please keep us informed about the show since I miss it dearly.
Many Happy years to you and Chaz Mr Ebert
Χρόνια Πολλά και ευτυχισμένα κ. Ebert σε σας και την Chaz
Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Ebert-Hammelsmith!
Happy anniversary ,Roger and Chaz. This is a beauitiful love story.
Wonderful wonderful. Such an amazing life and terrific couple. Thank you for sharing, Roger.
Last year at TIFF, I came to see you for your book signing at TheatreBooks. As pleased as I was to have you sign copies of "Life Itself" for me and my son, I was overwhelmed by Chaz's beauty and persona, and the way she filled the room -- yet rather than intimidating, she was engaging, personal and welcoming. Even when Norman Jewison and his wife entered the bookstore, she continued to make sure that your "fans" were treated merely as other "guests" and made sure they remained part of the ongoing conversations. She is a wonderful person and you are both very lucky. You truly are a beautiful couple. Happy Anniversary!
Have a happy anniversary. Life is meant to be shared and I'm so glad you found someone as exceptional as Chaz to share it with.
Roger,
Thank you for sharing your story and your wisdom. As a young teenager, I started watching, then reading your work for to find out the next great movie that I might have otherwise missed. Sometime in my early 20's though, I started to realize that I've learned not only how to better understand, evaluate and enjoy a movie from you, but also how to view and enjoy the world as well.
I am not religous at all but I too appreciate the positive energy that my wife shares with me when she prays for my recovery when I am sick. It is not a supernatural being that fills me with the strength and desire to be a better person, it is the love that my wife fills me with, as Chaz does for you.
"I sensed from the first that Chaz was the woman I would marry."
Sometimes you just know, you know? My dad first saw my mom through a rainy windshield as she stood outside a candy store in South Philly; he turned to his friend and said, "That's the woman I'm going to marry." And thirteen days after meeting her (on March 31, 1981, the night De Niro won for Raging Bull—I'm just sayin'), I asked Jill to marry me; we're going on thirty-one years.
Thanks for sharing this excerpt from your memoir. Happy Anniversary to a man who knew what he knew—and to the woman who, it seems, still helps him know it.
Happy Anniversary, Roger. Just in case you have any doubts: this chapter of your memoir DOES, absolutely, convey how much you love Chaz and especially how much you've both done for each other. Thanks for that.
Your words have inspired me for years and taught me so much of what I know about cinema. But nothing can match your words about your beautiful romance and the way it fuels your life. Thank you, Chaz and Roger, for teaching us all about true love, and a Happy 20th Anniversary to you both!
Happy anniversary to wonderful Roger and his beautiful bride Chaz!
Thanks for such personal writing, Roger. Happy anniversary. You and Chaz make a great team.
Wow, so much to say. I was born in Davenport, Iowa and lived in or near there for over 50 years, but the University of Dubuque...and not U of C.
I think of Gene every time I walk by his theater while in Chi-Town in business.
And it was always great to see you back on campus at your alma mater for your overlooked film festival I always looked forward to when I was with Illinois.
And your show, especially when it was on PBS, was the highlight of my week. Still remember allot of the reviews as I was building my state-of-the-art VHS collection at that time, ha!
And what a scene you paint of Venice...like you were directing a movie. I have that same dream for my wife in Vienna.
Thanks for sharing, Roger.
Oh, this is beautiful and a great read. It brings forth so many feelings--huge awe for Chaz. Never ever made a copy reading error. Holy smokes.
She is amazing in every way. I am so happy to hear about her. I am so grateful to her for keeping you in health and good spirits so that we can all learn from you and enjoy your writing.
I have incredible gratitude for having been one of those who did find what marriage is for. I love your idea of the 'marriage sealing moment.' I guess I've had a few of them but I had kind of a breakdown on my honeymoon and my husband was sitting on the bed completely concerned and it was such a powerful moment--I knew right then we'd be together forever until we die, that we belonged together and exactly that profound almost indescribable bond we form with our beloved spouse--the true idea of another half who completes you, and every other cliche. I'm so glad you found that with Chaz--you are both so deserving of the happiness you have together.
After reading your love story, my heart is full. The love shared by you and Chaz is how love is intended to be. Oh! What your story can teach those who pretend to be lovers.
When I grow up, I want to be Chaz. Both of you are very lucky and know it. Happy anniversary and may there be many more.
"she saved me from the fate of living out my life alone, which is where I seemed to be heading."
Geez, these married people have no clue how smug, how condescending they can come off. I suppose we should all run out and marry someone, anyone, because apparently, living "life alone" is a fate worse than death. What a jerk.
I hope to be as lucky as you.
Congratulations! I wish you twenty more.
You and Sullivan Ballou could have started a club.
It is impossible to convey the importance of movies in my life, Roger. When I find myself stumbling over an answer, I direct my questioner to your body of work, not just your reviews but your prose. Thank you for evoking the very best of the human experience and reminding us the importance of romantic and friendship bonds as beautiful and strong and yours and Chaz. Congratulations on your 20 years and here's to 20 more.
Roger, you have high intuition, great taste, and a passionate desire to share. As a film lover I'm beyond grateful that you possess these qualities. As someone who has huge love and respect for you, I'm also beyond happy that these gifts have also served you in your choice of a life partner who is clearly an outrageously juicy, intelligent, amazing and beautiful being - inside and out. Chaz is one hell of a broad on the highest and most profound level possible... Just as you truly appreciate a great movie and want to tell everyone about it in hopes that they'll see and experience the quality and richness of it that you did, I love reading about your most thoughtful and sincere appreciation for a fabulous four-star two-thumbs-up human being that you just so happen to have the damn good karma to spend the rest of your life with. Big love and countless congratulations to the both of you on your 20th anniversary!
Thanks for sharing.
Felice anniversario!
Must be nice - to feel needed.
Nice tribute. Congratulations, and I hope you have another 20 years.
That was enough to get me to reread Life Itself. Happy anniversary! Here's wishing you have many more.
Roger, your words have inspired me since I was little girl (which at 22, I still may be). I would rip through the Venue of the Albuquerque Journal, looking for your movie reviews. Along with Mary Kate and Ashley books, they were my chief source of literature, and amidst the two, the only to survive with me past puberty. I was able to justify my love of Harry Potter with your four star reviews and I rebelled against the establishment by seeing Josie and the Pussy Cats, even though you bestowed it with only one half. You were right on both counts, as you usually are. Over the years, you have informed my knowledge not only films but human nature through your always thoughtful and beautiful words. Against the protestation of my Tea Party parents, your blogs even made me a liberal. Thank you so much for enriching my life with your incomparable mind.
And above all, congratulations on your anniversary. Like your other readers I am so glad that you were blessed with such a loving and powerful partner. You've inspired me again, this time to pick up a poem that I started and never nailed down. So I dedicate it to you. Happy 20th!
IN THE FOREST BY THE RIVER
(FOR ROGER AND CHAZ)
Walk slowly with me
And we will watch the river
Cut the earth in two beside us
The sun will split the tree leaves
And cast a glow upon us
Night will never fall past sunset
And the light will guide
Our pathways into dreams
We may lie beneath
This enchanted eve
And the cotton will snow
From the cottonwood tree
With our fingers twined
And the dust awake beneath us
And thus may we stay
And I shall love you eternally
With the lit eyes of youth in flight
Not lidded by a shadowed night
That I may kiss you
And escape the ebb of it
Against your lips
I could live a blissful life
Inside this wish
In the speckled sun
And the forest breeze
Away from now
And untamed memories
If you take my hand
And walk slow with me
For I know you
I know you
And I love you always
Ebert: Lovely. Thank you.
As evidenced by this piece, she brings out the best in you. IMHO, the best thing of yours I have ever read.
I wish for you both a long and magical life together.