If being a Whig is not for you, there are some other vintage parties to look into:Jeffersonian Republicans:
Ah, who am I kidding. It’s hard enough to be a Republican these days without tacking Thomas Jefferson on top, a man everyone knows only as a suspicious ginger hypocrite who took cruel advantage of his slaves.Anti-Masonic Party:
This was the first third party, which confuses me when I type it out just as much as the name of Fifth Third bank always confuses me. Fifth Third? If you can’t even figure out your fractions, why do you want me to give you my money? Anti-Masons believed that the government was controlled by a malicious freemason conspiracy. And we still haven’t proved that it isn’t! (Then again, as XKCD notes, a malicious freemason conspiracy might be doing a better job.)Democratic-Republicans: Everyone is always saying we need more compromise and working-together-ness. People who vote straight ticket will be bewildered by the options, but maybe it won’t hurt them to have to go through candidate by candidate for once in their lives. This solves the problem of two-party rivalry the same way catdogs solve the cat dog rivalry, which is to say, it doesn’t, and the end result is weird and creepy-looking. (I realize that historically this is not what the Democratic-Republican party was like, but there are some words whose changed meanings we just have to accept and not try to change back, as we notice whenever we sing about “donning our gay apparel.”)KNOW-NOTHINGS:
I don’t know what this party was about. Hey, I’m in!GREENBACKS:
DOLLAR DOLLAR BILLS, Y’ALL. (As opposed to coins or silver, that is.)BULL-MOOSE PARTY:
Like most of the albums I’ve bought, this sounds a lot cooler than it is: Teddy Roosevelt’s third party.