(File photo.)
On Thursday, Hillary Clinton successfully ducked and joked about a flung object that its tosser identified as a shoe. This has happened before — to President George W. Bush. Shoes are here to stay, even if some of them are flying through the air.
And as long as they are, here are the best types of shoes to throw at politicians, depending on the commentary you are trying to make:
* Louboutin: “The 1% are upset with your policies!”
* Chuck Taylor: “Middle school punk girls across America oppose you, sir or madam.”
* Keds: “Grandmas and/or hipsters who shop at Urban Outfitters have strong negative feelings about you!”
* Birkenstock: “Certain stereotypes would like to have a word with you.”
* Flip-flop: It’s right there in the name.
* Mules: Opposite message of flip-flops.
* Tennis shoe: “I am from the lexically distinct part of the country that refers to the sneaker as a tennis shoe!”
* Boat shoe: “My yacht club and I find your policies disturbing.”
* Running shoe: “I dislike the ‘Let’s Move’ initiative.”
* Cross trainer: “You know who else is cross? America.”
* Sensible flat: “You feel inevitable, and your campaign no longer excites me!”
* Fun flat: “I support you, actually!”
* Fun flat with Dr. Scholl’s arch support cushion: “I really, really support you!”
* One of those weird sneakers with a heel: “I don’t actually object to you, sir or madam. I just want to get this shoe out of my sight because its concept baffles me!”
* Snow boot: “Climate change isn’t real!”
* Fashionable fall boot: “This would make more of a statement if I paired it with tights and a kilt, because it is not actually all that aerodynamic and probably won’t come anywhere near hitting you.”
* Moon boots: “They faked that landing on a soundstage, and the world must KNOW!”
* Stiletto: “Something something women in the workplace something something glass ceiling something something?”
* Loafer: “You’ve created a culture of welfare and dependency!”
* Slipper: “What about your gaffes?”
* Platform shoe: “I dislike your platform. Shoo!”
* Glass slipper: “Here, try this on! Maybe I’ll marry you!”
Other items:
* Hat: “I found this ‘in the ring.’ I want you to take it out!”
* Confetti: “I got confused and thought this was the convention.”
* Rice: “I can’t throw this at weddings anymore because they say it’s unsafe for birds, so I had to come here.”
* Toast: “I thought this was a screening of ‘Rocky Horror.’ ”
* Spoon: “I thought this was a screening of ‘The Room.’ ”
* Money: “I’m a super PAC!”
