We need the cold light of day where bilious, lonely, hungry, horny, paranoid and regretful moments skewer our consciences as 24 units of vodka ebb from our systems. It is these hangovers that give us time to take stock of our shortcomings
It is a day for one to go mysteriously missing from one’s job, muttering something about a shonky commuter track, knowing full well that no one in human resources will challenge you as they’re ‘working from home’ too
The band, with their song ‘Dimelo’, which sounds like being chased by angry cows then ran over by a San Paulo carnival float, have made terrifically good TV since late summer
'Hooray, it’s pay day' is a sentiment echoing around a thousand writers, broadcasters, fashion, bridal and etiquette experts this week. Right now Andrew Morton, Paul Burrell and some of the more lucid of Diana’s 1981 bridesmaids are leafing through under-floor heating brochures
Whatever the initial challenges were of getting a show like ‘Transparent’ into production, its success has been triumphant. All Amazon really needed now was Trace Lysette to shut the hell up
It takes a dark mind to hear news that the church would wish fewer children to be bullied into self-harming, suicide or merely leaving education, and greet this pleasant news with fetid fury
If God does exist, I’ll venture that this invisible, omniscient energy probably wants less of Twitter’s thinking and praying on gun sprees and more of the actual doing
Whips go through a weekly run down of who has been using prostitutes, who has a sex addiction, who is having an affair and who is predatory towards females
James Corden is listening to the unfolding of these events on a different frequency. I wish that just for five minutes I could play him the New York Police Department tape of Weinstein cajoling Ambra Battilana Gutierrez into a hotel room at the frequency which I can hear it
All too often with Berry – as with when she said she'd never ordered a pizza – we merely smile wanly, both at her and the BBC team who stuff together these portions of 27 minutes of head-banging codswallop which says nothing even fleetingly sane, never mind relevant, about either Britain or eating
The solid, irrefutable truth is that money will make all daily minutiae of life much, much easier and that’s why Boris Johnson and thousands of his wage bracket guard their status like lions and always, always need just a bit more
Kyle Reyes gets to employ what he feels is ‘the cream of the crop’; meanwhile, bright youthful liberals who fail the test can celebrate the fact they aren’t trapped in his office, jamming their heads hard in the microwave each time their new boss treats them to a slice of home truths
‘Yes, yes,’ I hear some of you say ‘But what do their hands look like up close? I bet they have liver spots!’
Rees-Mogg says he has never changed a nappy. In 2014 he went canvassing with his former nanny Veronica, the woman who used to wipe his own bottom. And he's told us loud and clear what he really stands for, although Mumsnet forums seem not to want to listen
Social media was alive with snark, but even this told me that everything was OK with the world. What is life if we cannot laugh at Little Mix’s leotards?
Banning erudite, cerebral content from the Palme D’or or the Baftas over a pernickety technicality wrapped in prejudice and fear for the future doesn’t make an institution greater. It in fact pitches it into irrelevance
Good luck to the 82nd Academy award committee who will be waking this morning to the fresh challenge of making its ceremony future-facing, inclusive and gender-fluid
I’m sure many will accuse these celebs of self-indulgence and attention seeking, but for me a reminder that the human condition contains cellulite, droopy bums and caesarean scars will never be unwelcome
Even if Sophie Walker does not win Shipley, she will no doubt spend the following seven weeks shining harsh light on MP Philip Davies and his growingly bizarre ‘neutered male’ persona
An actual break would be turning off the internet for 48 hours, doing a ‘delicates’ hand wash and breathing a bit. Don’t shoot the messenger, you only hate me for speaking the truth
From Manchester to Florida, these days there's only one way to get our attention about the dangers of substance abuse – whatever privacy issues it raises