In an early version of the Book of Matthew, our narrator toils over finding the right metaphor: “Lilies. Lots of ’em. Do they toil? No. No, they don’t.”
Year 2083: Mass extinctions. Critical opinion of Prince’s newest, “Little Red Electric-Powered Self-Driving Corvette,” questions album’s faithfulness to his original vision.
What’s the name of that dating app—the one where if someone doesn’t respond to your message a freelance contract killer goes to his house and kills him for you?
They say that bad things will happen if you do this, but that hasn’t been my experience. You see, job interviews go much faster when you’re running around an office holding scissors.
Shouts & Murmurs by Jenny Slate: Tonight I will eat a burned-up bird and drink liquefied old grapes. I’m so excited that I put skin-colored paint on my face and pasty red pigment on my lips.
Kimberly Connelly ’93 brings news that her latest beauty product, a cellulite cream, attracted the attention of the F.D.A., “and not in a pleasant way.”