In his first utterance since he died, the spectral Johnson said, “As someone who has actually experienced death, I can safely say that being mentioned in the same breath as Trump is a fate worse than that.”
The magazine’s editor said that the President bested a daunting roster of competitors that included Mitch McConnell, Tucker Carlson, and Donald J. Trump, Jr.
“We saw this guy acting entirely bizarre, and we decided we had to have him in our circus,” the proprietor said. “It’s hard to find a sideshow attraction with that much potential.”
Handing Trump a pencil and a yellow legal pad, Angela Merkel watched as the President struggled to spell the word correctly, crumpling page after page in the effort.
“This isn’t a case of the two men sharing an occasional phone call or meeting,” the former New York mayor charged. “For eight years, they were basically joined at the hip.”
“She started off in Somalia, how did that go?” tweeted the man, who paid twenty-five million dollars to settle fraud charges against a fake university bearing his name.