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Andy Borowitz head shot - The New Yorker

Andy Borowitz

Andy Borowitz is a New York Times best-selling author and a comedian. In 2001, he created The Borowitz Report, a satirical news column that has millions of readers around the world, for which he won the first-ever National Press Club award for humor. He’s written several best-selling books, including “Profiles in Ignorance: How America’s Politicians Got Dumb and Dumber,” “The 50 Funniest American Writers,” and a memoir, “An Unexpected Twist.” As a comedian, Borowitz has performed sold-out shows around the world and has made numerous television and radio appearances, including on NPR, VH1, and Comedy Central. He has been called a “Swiftian satirist” (the Wall Street Journal), “one of the country’s finest satirists” (the Times), and “one of the funniest people in America” (CBS News’s “Sunday Morning”).

George Santos to Spend More Time with Imaginary Family

The congressman thanked his children for taking care of his many imaginary pets, including a marmot and a python.

Clarence Thomas Collapses from Exhaustion After First Full Day of Regulating Himself

Other Justices are struggling with the arduous self-regulatory demands of the code of conduct, too.

Nation Terrified That Mike Johnson Is the Adult in the Room

Americans wondered what sort of adult would deny the outcome of a legitimate election and believe the separation of church and state is a myth.

Ivanka Unable to Remember Name of Her Father

Responding to a question about Donald Trump’s business dealings, Ms. Trump said, “I’m sorry. I’m not familiar with that person.”

Furious Ohio Republicans Report Widespread Incidents of Women Voting

“Many of our poll workers spotted women going into voting booths and literally casting votes,” a G.O.P. operative in Lake County said.

Ginni Thomas Says Mike Johnson’s Wife Seems a Little Crazy

“Someone has to tell her to dial it back a smidge,” Thomas said, of the wife of the new Speaker of the House.

Mike Pence Returns Four Dollars to Donors

The former Vice-President told reporters he took pride in the fact that his campaign has been funded exclusively by small contributions.

Johnson Promises to Be Greatest Speaker of the Seventeenth Century

“For years, time travel was the stuff of science fiction,” the newly elected Speaker said. “Now, as I take this majestic nation back four hundred years, I will make that dream a reality.”

George Santos Declares Jim Jordan’s Identity Not Worth Stealing

The New York representative told his colleagues, “I would be embarrassed to use any credit card with Jim Jordan’s name on it.”

Jim Jordan’s Speaker Bid in Jeopardy After He Accidentally Locks Himself in Bathroom

Jordan’s inability to engineer an exit from his own restroom raised fresh questions about his fitness to be Speaker.

George Santos Says If G.O.P. Lets Him Stay in Congress He Will Stop Using Their Credit Cards

He also expressed “deep regret” for checking into the Bellagio Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas last weekend under the name Marjorie Taylor Greene.

QAnon Fears R.F.K., Jr., Will Take Votes Away from J.F.K., Jr.

“I’m not a paranoid person,” a QAnon spokesman said, “but it almost seems like a conspiracy.”

House Republicans Hold Emergency Meeting to See Who Has to Sit Next to Matt Gaetz

“Colleagues have declared that, if they are required to sit next to Matt, they will retire from politics instead,” one legislator said.

Every House Republican to Be Speaker for Four Minutes

Future Speaker of the House George Santos of New York hailed the agreement as “the best idea I’ve seen in my thirty years in Congress.”

Matt Gaetz Accuses Kevin McCarthy of Behaving Like an Adult

“Kevin McCarthy needs to look at himself in the mirror and ask if he wants to be an adult, or a Republican,” the congressman said.

Trump University Graduates Outraged They Were Never Taught to Defraud Banks

“If I had learned to defraud banks, my post-Trump University career would have played out very differently,” Tracy Klugian, class of 2006, said.

Furious Rupert Murdoch Returns to Fox After Network Accidentally Broadcasts Fact

The visibly seething mogul revealed that he phoned his son Lachlan late last night and “tore him a new one.”

Zelensky Offers to Broker Peace Deal Between Kevin McCarthy and House Republicans

The Ukrainian President warned that an escalation in the fighting in Washington could spread to neighboring regions such as Maryland and Virginia.

X Users to Require Elon Musk to Pay Them to Keep Using It

Additionally, users will demand that Musk set aside billions of dollars to compensate them for any psychiatric or other medical expenses incurred as a result of exposure to the platform.

George Santos to Spend More Time with Imaginary Family

The congressman thanked his children for taking care of his many imaginary pets, including a marmot and a python.

Clarence Thomas Collapses from Exhaustion After First Full Day of Regulating Himself

Other Justices are struggling with the arduous self-regulatory demands of the code of conduct, too.

Nation Terrified That Mike Johnson Is the Adult in the Room

Americans wondered what sort of adult would deny the outcome of a legitimate election and believe the separation of church and state is a myth.

Ivanka Unable to Remember Name of Her Father

Responding to a question about Donald Trump’s business dealings, Ms. Trump said, “I’m sorry. I’m not familiar with that person.”

Furious Ohio Republicans Report Widespread Incidents of Women Voting

“Many of our poll workers spotted women going into voting booths and literally casting votes,” a G.O.P. operative in Lake County said.

Ginni Thomas Says Mike Johnson’s Wife Seems a Little Crazy

“Someone has to tell her to dial it back a smidge,” Thomas said, of the wife of the new Speaker of the House.

Mike Pence Returns Four Dollars to Donors

The former Vice-President told reporters he took pride in the fact that his campaign has been funded exclusively by small contributions.

Johnson Promises to Be Greatest Speaker of the Seventeenth Century

“For years, time travel was the stuff of science fiction,” the newly elected Speaker said. “Now, as I take this majestic nation back four hundred years, I will make that dream a reality.”

George Santos Declares Jim Jordan’s Identity Not Worth Stealing

The New York representative told his colleagues, “I would be embarrassed to use any credit card with Jim Jordan’s name on it.”

Jim Jordan’s Speaker Bid in Jeopardy After He Accidentally Locks Himself in Bathroom

Jordan’s inability to engineer an exit from his own restroom raised fresh questions about his fitness to be Speaker.

George Santos Says If G.O.P. Lets Him Stay in Congress He Will Stop Using Their Credit Cards

He also expressed “deep regret” for checking into the Bellagio Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas last weekend under the name Marjorie Taylor Greene.

QAnon Fears R.F.K., Jr., Will Take Votes Away from J.F.K., Jr.

“I’m not a paranoid person,” a QAnon spokesman said, “but it almost seems like a conspiracy.”

House Republicans Hold Emergency Meeting to See Who Has to Sit Next to Matt Gaetz

“Colleagues have declared that, if they are required to sit next to Matt, they will retire from politics instead,” one legislator said.

Every House Republican to Be Speaker for Four Minutes

Future Speaker of the House George Santos of New York hailed the agreement as “the best idea I’ve seen in my thirty years in Congress.”

Matt Gaetz Accuses Kevin McCarthy of Behaving Like an Adult

“Kevin McCarthy needs to look at himself in the mirror and ask if he wants to be an adult, or a Republican,” the congressman said.

Trump University Graduates Outraged They Were Never Taught to Defraud Banks

“If I had learned to defraud banks, my post-Trump University career would have played out very differently,” Tracy Klugian, class of 2006, said.

Furious Rupert Murdoch Returns to Fox After Network Accidentally Broadcasts Fact

The visibly seething mogul revealed that he phoned his son Lachlan late last night and “tore him a new one.”

Zelensky Offers to Broker Peace Deal Between Kevin McCarthy and House Republicans

The Ukrainian President warned that an escalation in the fighting in Washington could spread to neighboring regions such as Maryland and Virginia.

X Users to Require Elon Musk to Pay Them to Keep Using It

Additionally, users will demand that Musk set aside billions of dollars to compensate them for any psychiatric or other medical expenses incurred as a result of exposure to the platform.