Dennard Dayle
Where One Tax Dollar Actually Goes
“Infrastructure” ($0.05): We’re unclear on the significance of the quotation marks, but we can all agree that it’s high time the U.S. railway system caught up to the twentieth century.
Scorpions and Frogs All the Way Down
The Scorpion: I’m gonna sting you. You know that, right? The Frog: So it goes. You coming?
Why Ecocide Is the Perfect Revenge on Our Children
When I look at my sons, I worry about the planet. It’s not dying nearly fast enough.
Profiling the Profile Writer Profiling Me
My counterpart’s simply dull, the type that only shines near others’ light. A creative tapeworm.
I Will Not Board a Plane to Visit Your Baby
If I had a baby, I would not ask you to get on a plane. I wouldn’t publish a wounded essay online if you chose sleep over visiting my offspring.
Kindly Return My Client’s Sweatshirt
You only stand to lose money, face, and a clean legal record by withholding the hoodie in question.
Why I Left New York, and Returned with an Army of the Dead
A legion of the lost and damned have followed me to Chelsea Piers, where I once Zumba’d.
Skateboarding After the End
I’m in a good position to tell if a deck is right for you. I’m excited to share fifteen years of riding, first aid, and sniper experience.
Congratulations on Becoming a Seven
Watch for a check in the mail. The Aesthete Tax Credit is retroactive, so expect half the income tax you’ve paid over the last decade back.
The Ultimate Subway-Safety Plan
After a century of unequal access, unequal maintenance, and unequal attention, it’s time for a system that reliably serves no one.
The Thirty-six Twitter Stratagems
How to do battle on Twitter, no matter what direction you’re attacking from.
Guidelines Following First Contact
You must wonder what comes next. Will there be media training? Your own office in low orbit? A well-deserved vacation? The answer is simple: liquidation.
What Would the Founders’ Fathers Think?
These words carry the weight of history, the one force that can stop the future.
A Time Line of My Arrest
Putting a sticker on a lamppost while Black leads to a memorable evening behind bars.
The Crypto Constitution
Amendment XVII: Investors can’t say that they love you, truly love you, and then disappear.
A Letter of Romantic Recommendation
I hope that you can recognize Alan Worth as a special applicant. Dating him—like an earthquake—is impossible to forget.
Survey: What Exactly Is C.R.T.?
“C.R.T. is a Black writer from the eighteen-fifties. I read some of his stuff in high school—it’s really beautiful.” —Arnold Ringer, judge
![Dear [School], Here’s My Soul in Six Hundred Words or Less](https://media.newyorker.com/photos/61c497bf30fefda15cb51023/4:3/w_1024%2Cc_limit/Shouts-Dale-School600Words.jpg)
Dear [School], Here’s My Soul in Six Hundred Words or Less
My greatest obstacle? After sixteen years on a dying planet, it’s definitely this essay.
Where One Tax Dollar Actually Goes
“Infrastructure” ($0.05): We’re unclear on the significance of the quotation marks, but we can all agree that it’s high time the U.S. railway system caught up to the twentieth century.
Scorpions and Frogs All the Way Down
The Scorpion: I’m gonna sting you. You know that, right? The Frog: So it goes. You coming?
Why Ecocide Is the Perfect Revenge on Our Children
When I look at my sons, I worry about the planet. It’s not dying nearly fast enough.
Profiling the Profile Writer Profiling Me
My counterpart’s simply dull, the type that only shines near others’ light. A creative tapeworm.
I Will Not Board a Plane to Visit Your Baby
If I had a baby, I would not ask you to get on a plane. I wouldn’t publish a wounded essay online if you chose sleep over visiting my offspring.
Kindly Return My Client’s Sweatshirt
You only stand to lose money, face, and a clean legal record by withholding the hoodie in question.
Why I Left New York, and Returned with an Army of the Dead
A legion of the lost and damned have followed me to Chelsea Piers, where I once Zumba’d.
Skateboarding After the End
I’m in a good position to tell if a deck is right for you. I’m excited to share fifteen years of riding, first aid, and sniper experience.
Congratulations on Becoming a Seven
Watch for a check in the mail. The Aesthete Tax Credit is retroactive, so expect half the income tax you’ve paid over the last decade back.
The Ultimate Subway-Safety Plan
After a century of unequal access, unequal maintenance, and unequal attention, it’s time for a system that reliably serves no one.
The Thirty-six Twitter Stratagems
How to do battle on Twitter, no matter what direction you’re attacking from.
Guidelines Following First Contact
You must wonder what comes next. Will there be media training? Your own office in low orbit? A well-deserved vacation? The answer is simple: liquidation.
What Would the Founders’ Fathers Think?
These words carry the weight of history, the one force that can stop the future.
A Time Line of My Arrest
Putting a sticker on a lamppost while Black leads to a memorable evening behind bars.
The Crypto Constitution
Amendment XVII: Investors can’t say that they love you, truly love you, and then disappear.
A Letter of Romantic Recommendation
I hope that you can recognize Alan Worth as a special applicant. Dating him—like an earthquake—is impossible to forget.
Survey: What Exactly Is C.R.T.?
“C.R.T. is a Black writer from the eighteen-fifties. I read some of his stuff in high school—it’s really beautiful.” —Arnold Ringer, judge
Dear [School], Here’s My Soul in Six Hundred Words or Less
My greatest obstacle? After sixteen years on a dying planet, it’s definitely this essay.