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Eddie Small

Notes from Your Home Inspection

Something in the attic is alive. It walks on two legs and seems docile but not as docile as you’d probably like it to be.

So You’ve Decided to Bring a Baby to a Wedding

The most important thing to remember about getting ready for a wedding with a baby is that you are more than the worst thing you have ever done.

Welcome to Our Daughter’s First-Birthday Party, Which Is Totally All About Our Daughter!

We’ll start by playing Angie’s favorite game, peekaboo, for five minutes, and then move on to playing her second-favorite game, watching the N.F.L. playoffs, for three hours.

Television-Episode Recaps for New Parents

I have faith that I will find out how this season ends at some point, but probably not until kindergarten starts.

Apple-Picking Is Fun!

We’ve got every kind of apple you could want here: red, green, reddish-green, greenish-red, unappealing yellow, really hard ones, and brown.

That’s a Tough Age

And then it’s time for adolescence. Hoo, boy.

It’s Such an Easy Drive

As long as you don’t hit traffic, it will definitely take you only thirty minutes to be in the Big Apple. And, when I say “the Big Apple,” I’m specifically referring to a supermarket in the Bronx.

A Few Questions for My Wife’s Ob-gyn

How do I make sure nothing bad happens? To my child, I mean. But I guess also in general.

A Sibling’s Wedding Toast

As soon as I saw how happy Groom or Bride made Bride or Groom, I knew that these two were going to be (and live) together forever.

Refund Request for the Summer of 2021

I regret to inform you that it did not live up to my expectations.

Welcome to Our Microbrewery Tour!

We craft our beer using a totally unique combination of ingredients that includes barley, hops, bro culture, a completely unearned feeling of superiority, and water.

2020 Was the Worst Year Ever Because I’ve Been Trapped in a Cave Since March

I can’t go grab a drink at a bar; I can’t get a haircut; I can’t check on how all those airline stocks that I bought in February are doing.

Moving Back Out of Your Parents’ Home: Orientation Materials

The first thing most of you will notice is that your apartment is much smaller than your parents’ home and that, unlike them with their house, you do not technically “own” it and probably never will.

So, You’re Absolutely Certain You Want a Refund?

Please think about whether you still want a full refund for these concert tickets, keeping in mind that the memory of going to this definitely not-cancelled concert will last forever.

Additional New York City Reopening Phases

Phase XVII: Giant, apelike creatures will once again be permitted to scale the city’s skyscrapers.

ESPN’s Updated Programming Schedule

SportsCenter: Is pretty much every sport still cancelled? Yes! We talk about how much that sucks.

My Typical New York Day

I work a pretty standard New York day of between nineteen and thirty-seven hours. My weekly salary ranges between two and hundred fifty thousand dollars and a fifteen-dollar coupon for lunch at the Olive Garden.

How Music-Festival Posters Look to Me Now

This festival lasts for three full days—and you haven’t heard of any of the bands.

Notes from Your Home Inspection

Something in the attic is alive. It walks on two legs and seems docile but not as docile as you’d probably like it to be.

So You’ve Decided to Bring a Baby to a Wedding

The most important thing to remember about getting ready for a wedding with a baby is that you are more than the worst thing you have ever done.

Welcome to Our Daughter’s First-Birthday Party, Which Is Totally All About Our Daughter!

We’ll start by playing Angie’s favorite game, peekaboo, for five minutes, and then move on to playing her second-favorite game, watching the N.F.L. playoffs, for three hours.

Television-Episode Recaps for New Parents

I have faith that I will find out how this season ends at some point, but probably not until kindergarten starts.

Apple-Picking Is Fun!

We’ve got every kind of apple you could want here: red, green, reddish-green, greenish-red, unappealing yellow, really hard ones, and brown.

That’s a Tough Age

And then it’s time for adolescence. Hoo, boy.

It’s Such an Easy Drive

As long as you don’t hit traffic, it will definitely take you only thirty minutes to be in the Big Apple. And, when I say “the Big Apple,” I’m specifically referring to a supermarket in the Bronx.

A Few Questions for My Wife’s Ob-gyn

How do I make sure nothing bad happens? To my child, I mean. But I guess also in general.

A Sibling’s Wedding Toast

As soon as I saw how happy Groom or Bride made Bride or Groom, I knew that these two were going to be (and live) together forever.

Refund Request for the Summer of 2021

I regret to inform you that it did not live up to my expectations.

Welcome to Our Microbrewery Tour!

We craft our beer using a totally unique combination of ingredients that includes barley, hops, bro culture, a completely unearned feeling of superiority, and water.

2020 Was the Worst Year Ever Because I’ve Been Trapped in a Cave Since March

I can’t go grab a drink at a bar; I can’t get a haircut; I can’t check on how all those airline stocks that I bought in February are doing.

Moving Back Out of Your Parents’ Home: Orientation Materials

The first thing most of you will notice is that your apartment is much smaller than your parents’ home and that, unlike them with their house, you do not technically “own” it and probably never will.

So, You’re Absolutely Certain You Want a Refund?

Please think about whether you still want a full refund for these concert tickets, keeping in mind that the memory of going to this definitely not-cancelled concert will last forever.

Additional New York City Reopening Phases

Phase XVII: Giant, apelike creatures will once again be permitted to scale the city’s skyscrapers.

ESPN’s Updated Programming Schedule

SportsCenter: Is pretty much every sport still cancelled? Yes! We talk about how much that sucks.

My Typical New York Day

I work a pretty standard New York day of between nineteen and thirty-seven hours. My weekly salary ranges between two and hundred fifty thousand dollars and a fifteen-dollar coupon for lunch at the Olive Garden.

How Music-Festival Posters Look to Me Now

This festival lasts for three full days—and you haven’t heard of any of the bands.