Zoe Pearl
I Invented the Refrigerator to Display Wedding Invitations, So Please Stop Defiling It with Food
To see my invention bastardized and stuffed with expired jars of marinara sauce and Styrofoam containers of leftovers is crassly insulting.
The Smithsonian Rarities Collection Presents: “The New Friend You Made as an Adult”
The unexpected discovery of “New Friend,” in a yoga class in Santa Monica six months ago, stunned scholars.
Until Things Are More Stable, I’m Freezing My Eggs and Myself
Modern life is full of complicated choices! So, until the lid on my cryo pod pops up, in 2072, I’m buying myself a little more time.
Explaining My Daily Screen-Time Average to the Spirit of My Great-Great-Grandmother
What exactly am I staring at for five hours and twenty-one minutes each day?
Is He Not That Into You, or Is He a Time Traveller from the Late Eighteen-Hundreds Trying to Navigate the Perils of Modern Life
He didn’t ghost you, he’s just struggling to catch up on more than a hundred and fifty years of technology.
Famous Philosophers’ Side Hustles
Nietzsche’s personal-training business, Marx’s podcast, and more.
Your Fall, 2020, Pandemic TV Lineup
The Dozen Quarantine Rom-Coms We’ll Be Subjected To, “Man vs. Indoors,” and more.
Virtual Imagery That Would Actually Make Me Run Faster on the Elliptical
If I run a mile in less than ten minutes, my therapist appears and tells me that I’m her favorite patient and she wishes I were her daughter.
Focus-Group-Testing Takeaways for the Next Social-Media Platform
You want nipples—on men, women, cats, dogs, iguanas, whatever. We heard you loud and clear.
Modern Coming-of-Age Rituals
Age One: Learn how to operate an iPad, so that your parents can take you places and don’t have to hire a sitter.
Your Childhood Dreams, Realized
Become a Princess: order Postmates from the Thai place down the street, even though it’s only a five-minute drive, because you simply cannot be bothered to put on pants.
I Invented the Refrigerator to Display Wedding Invitations, So Please Stop Defiling It with Food
To see my invention bastardized and stuffed with expired jars of marinara sauce and Styrofoam containers of leftovers is crassly insulting.
The Smithsonian Rarities Collection Presents: “The New Friend You Made as an Adult”
The unexpected discovery of “New Friend,” in a yoga class in Santa Monica six months ago, stunned scholars.
Until Things Are More Stable, I’m Freezing My Eggs and Myself
Modern life is full of complicated choices! So, until the lid on my cryo pod pops up, in 2072, I’m buying myself a little more time.
Explaining My Daily Screen-Time Average to the Spirit of My Great-Great-Grandmother
What exactly am I staring at for five hours and twenty-one minutes each day?
Is He Not That Into You, or Is He a Time Traveller from the Late Eighteen-Hundreds Trying to Navigate the Perils of Modern Life
He didn’t ghost you, he’s just struggling to catch up on more than a hundred and fifty years of technology.
Famous Philosophers’ Side Hustles
Nietzsche’s personal-training business, Marx’s podcast, and more.
Your Fall, 2020, Pandemic TV Lineup
The Dozen Quarantine Rom-Coms We’ll Be Subjected To, “Man vs. Indoors,” and more.
Virtual Imagery That Would Actually Make Me Run Faster on the Elliptical
If I run a mile in less than ten minutes, my therapist appears and tells me that I’m her favorite patient and she wishes I were her daughter.
Focus-Group-Testing Takeaways for the Next Social-Media Platform
You want nipples—on men, women, cats, dogs, iguanas, whatever. We heard you loud and clear.
Modern Coming-of-Age Rituals
Age One: Learn how to operate an iPad, so that your parents can take you places and don’t have to hire a sitter.
Your Childhood Dreams, Realized
Become a Princess: order Postmates from the Thai place down the street, even though it’s only a five-minute drive, because you simply cannot be bothered to put on pants.