Satire from the Borowitz Report
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Biden Torments Trump by Seeing His Ex
“It’s like Ben and J. Lo. But show a little class,” a Trump associate said.
By Andy Borowitz9:43 A.M.
Trump Explodes After Biden Asks Him to Dog-Sit During G-7
The President said he had “no idea” why Trump had reacted so negatively to the idea of dog-sitting Major, whose obedience training “has been going really well.”
By Andy BorowitzJune 10, 2021
Susan Collins Sad That Joe Manchin Has Replaced Her as Most Annoying Senator
“It’s only fitting that the baton be passed to an obscure senator from West Virginia,” she said.
By Andy BorowitzJune 9, 2021
Putin Says He Has No Intention of Reinstating Trump
“I think if I were planning to put Trump back in power, I would know about it,” the visibly annoyed Putin said.
By Andy BorowitzJune 7, 2021
Trump to Be Reinstated in August as President of Trump University
A supporter, Harland Dorrinson, said that skeptics who protest that Trump University ceased to exist in 2010 “don’t know what they’re talking about.”
By Andy BorowitzJune 2, 2021
Greg Abbott Tries to Lure Back Democratic Lawmakers by Offering NPR Tote Bags
Displaying one of the canvas bags on offer, Abbott said it was “perfect for carrying around all your liberal needs.”
By Andy BorowitzJune 1, 2021
As Grand Jury Convenes, Trump Changes Name of His Company to Eric Trump Organization
“Eric is responsible for everything it has ever done.”
By Andy BorowitzMay 26, 2021
Republicans Claim January 6th Rioters Were Middle Schoolers on Field Trip
“I’ve had teen-agers, and I know what kind of horseplay and tomfoolery they can get up to,” Senator Ron Johnson said. “I didn’t set up a commission every time they raised a little heck.”
By Andy BorowitzMay 24, 2021
Trump Orders Kevin McCarthy to Go to Prison in His Place
“I can think of no greater honor than going to prison for this wonderful man,” McCarthy said.
By Andy BorowitzMay 20, 2021
Kevin McCarthy Proposes Removing January 6th from Month of January
“The American people want us to move on,” the House Minority Leader said.
By Andy BorowitzMay 19, 2021
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