Wolfgang Van Halen, the front man of the band Mammoth WVH, settled into an armchair in a replica of Central Perk, the coffee shop on the sitcom “Friends.” He was about to embark on a private, off-hours tour of the Friends Experience, an “interactive celebration” of the show, in Gramercy Park. (Tickets usually start at forty-five dollars.) Van Halen was dressed all in black: shorts, T-shirt, a Mammoth hoodie, and two masks. Despite being the son of the late guitar god Eddie Van Halen, he is an unlikely rock star. A self-described “dork” who struggles with anxiety, he doesn’t drink or smoke or do drugs. “I do not have the personality type required for my job,” Van Halen said softly, hands tucked into his sweatshirt pockets.
During downtime on the road—his band was opening stadium shows for Guns N’ Roses—he usually likes to play the video game Apex Legends with his band’s guitarist Frank Sidoris. For today’s outing, Van Halen was joined by Sidoris, Van Halen’s uncle and “consigliere” Patrick Bertinelli, and seven others. Growing up in Los Angeles, Van Halen would often watch “Friends” on DVD with his mom, the actress Valerie Bertinelli, after school. “I remember watching the finale live,” he said, flashing back to 2004. “That makes me feel so old.” Van Halen is thirty.
The musician, who still lives in L.A., said that his favorite “Friends” character is Chandler Bing, played by Matthew Perry. “Chandler is one of the main reasons I’m a sarcastic person,” Van Halen said. He offered, as evidence of his sarcasm, his Twitter account, on which he enjoys sparring with trolls, such as JokersWild45, who questioned whether Eddie, who died in October, 2020, of cancer, was indeed Wolfgang’s father. (“I’m super curious how homeboy got a sample of my dna to test these ‘theories,’ ” Wolfgang tweeted.)
Valerie Bertinelli, it turns out, had a chance at a role on “Friends,” as Carol, Ross’s pregnant ex-wife, but she didn’t take the meeting. “My reason was pathetic,” she wrote in her 2008 memoir. “I felt too fat to stand next to Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, and Lisa Kudrow.” Her son understands: “We could both really use a dose of confidence.” Van Halen has been performing professionally since he was fifteen, when he replaced Michael Anthony as the bassist in the band Van Halen, touring (and later recording) with his father, his uncle Alex, and David Lee Roth. More recently, he sang and played every instrument on Mammoth’s self-titled début LP, which went to No. 1 on Billboard’s Top Rock Albums and Hard Rock Albums charts.
One thing Van Halen has confidence in: his “Friends” knowledge. “Nobody can beat me at ‘Friends’ trivia,” he said. Walking through the eighteen-room Friends Experience, a warren of Instagram ops, he expounded on the props and costumes on display. For instance: “Ross can’t find a Santa costume, so he gets an armadillo costume to try and teach his son about Hanukkah.”
He gravitated toward a vitrine containing Phoebe’s acoustic guitar, on which she performed the ditty “Smelly Cat.” The headstock bore the Gibson logo, but Van Halen was doubtful. “It just looks like a stage prop,” he said. He recorded a couple of tracks on the Mammoth album with his dad’s red, white, and black Frankenstein guitar, a copy of which is in the National Museum of American History, in Washington, D.C.
Van Halen moved on to the gift shop. Because the exhibition was technically closed, no one was there to work the register. Still, Van Halen eyed a cotton tote bearing the words “CRAP BAG.” He explained the reference: it involved Paul Rudd’s character, Mike, adopting the name Crap Bag. Van Halen said that as soon as he got back to the tour bus he planned to go online and buy one. “It’s just funny: a bag with the word ‘crap’ on it—simple,” he said. “I’ll carry my groceries in there.” ♦
