Shouts & Murmurs
Stories from the Trump Bible
And Jesus said to Pontius Pilate, “This trial is very unfair. You are a corrupt judge, and your wife is a very nasty woman.”
Old-Fashioned Know-How
Kids today! You ever fought a forest fire that you yourself started? You ever had thirteen kids by seventeen different women?
Our Environmental Pledge
Because we are so dedicated to the future of this planet, our C-suite will no longer use the company’s private jets to drag-race in the sky.
Signs You Should Give Up on a Book
You’re using the book to squash bugs; you’re waiting for the book to initiate physical contact; you can’t stop thinking about Gary Oldman movies.
The Affair with My Chair
If sitting is the new sex, it’s important to find the right partner.
Melanie Ann Donoghue and Wordle Wed
The bride worried, “Will people judge me for dating someone I met online, who’s only capable of communicating through letters that Times readers type onto a gridlike interface?”
Scenes from My Open-ish Marriage
My wife and I have an arrangement. I mean, I think we do. We also have an arrangement about the grocery shopping and the recycling (I do both).
E-mails from the Dems
Dear Ian—you have been helpful in deleting our e-mails in the past. Won’t you please delete this one?
Excerpts from a Posting for My Ideal Job
You thrive in a collaborative environment of constant validation and frequent reminders that no one is mad at you.
My Waiting List’s Waiting List
Grounds for automatic expulsion is asking what the waiting list is for.