How to Write a New Yorker Cartoon Caption: Bill Hader Edition
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Cartoon Caption Contest | Season One | Episode 3
How to Write a New Yorker Cartoon Caption: Bill Hader Edition
About
Credits
Bill Hader tries his hand at The New Yorker’s cartoon-caption contest. He makes his directorial début with the pilot of “Barry.”
Released on 03/22/2018
Transcript
(bell ringing)
I'm Bill Hader
and today I'm captioning New Yorker cartoons.
Oh yeah.
This is clearly a doctor with a giant hyper dermic,
a giant needle.
I promise this won't take out your good eye.
I just saw his eye on this side
and I have gotten a shot in the eyeball before
and it sucks.
(drum roll booming)
(jazzy music)
Oh this looks like a fun time.
It looks like they're dancing
and this guy's upset.
And this guy's telling him
well you didn't say this,
so now we're doing this.
C'mon Don it's Bryan Adams.
(drum roll booming)
Yes, something about a hit man.
This is what I get for.
Let me get this straight,
Let me get this straight,
that's not your ex-husband.
So who's shooting at him,
that's the joke.
(drum roll booming)
(suspenseful music)
Oh, I got it.
Ronny, giving my son a bath.
It's a toaster, the man's insane.
(drum roll booming)
The moon,
you said you wanted to live
on the dark side of the moon honey, 70's reference.
How many stops to wherever I can get to where Zabars is?
Only people on the Upper West side will get this.
This isn't very good but I still see the train
floating in space like,
the train and it's gonna get
into earth's orbit.
(drum roll booming)
Oh this looks like a fun time.
I just finished another painting of Boots.
That's not a, that's a painting.
He's so exhausted from painting
and he's calling his wife
or whoever and says I just finished
another painting of Boots.
(drum roll booming)
Yes, this is a guy coming
in, he looks pretty haggard.
I just like weird things
you know, just Dad.
Like who's saying that?
Is that their Dad?
Or is one of these guys his Dad?
He's like Dad?
Dad? Dad?
(drum roll booming)
That would be it,
so we meet again.
So we meet again,
what does that mean, tell us.
(drum roll booming)
Some of these look kind of tragic you know.
I mean you can't write that right?
Three, two, one,
ready or not here I come.
That's kind of off screen.
And they all hid under
the table that's funny, that's not tragic or
fucked up, that's not weird.
Three, two, one, ready
or not here I come.
And the joke, they all hid
under the same spot.
That's Mel Brooks, that's Woody Allen.
I don't want to do a whole history of comedy right now
for everybody but that's pretty good.
(drum roll booming)
What do you think about
your ability to as-- I would be fired so fast.
I would be kicked out of there so fast.
I'm Bill Hader, you're not gonna want to hire me.
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