How to Write a New Yorker Cartoon Caption: Andrew Yang Edition

[chimes play]

Hello, I'm Andrew Yang, I'm running for president in 2020,

and today I'm doing some captions

for some New Yorker cartoons.

Okay, so you've got a political candidate,

and then the spouse saying something to him.

They both seem kind of shellshocked.

It seems like a marriage that's going through

a little bit of a strain.

She seems very concerned, he seems very concerned.

He seems sort of shellshocked by something.

What is it, let's see.

[marker scratches]

All right, here is my caption.

Harold, the podium only makes you look more powerful

on TV.

[Andrew laughs]

[drums bang]

Okay, so here we have one very angry looking angel

running for office, and then the other angels

are concerned, and then this angel is saying something,

so that is what the caption must be.

What's the question?

President of heaven?

All right, I've got it.

[marker scratches]

I wish that there was some kind of competitive element

to this.

Like every time you successfully caption a cartoon,

you get paid $1000.

[paper shuffles]

I would like to make that true for all of us,

but instead of captioning a cartoon,

it's living for another month.

For this caption, I came up with,

No one has the heart to tell him

that there are no presidents in heaven.

Can you see where I went there?

[production staff laughs]

[drums bang]

All right, I think I already have a line in mind.

It looks to me like there is a therapist,

and there's a car on the therapy couch,

and the therapist is giving her opinion.

[marker scratches]

The caption I came up for this was,

Did they realize that naming you a smart car

would put so much pressure on you?

[production staff lightly applauds]

Because, you see, the car seems sad.

[production staff laughs]

[drums bang]

All right, it looks like one speaker is juggling chainsaws.

It's a presidential debate, let's say.

[marker scratches]

All right, my caption for this one is,

Let's pass Universal Healthcare in the next 10 seconds.

See?

Ah, ah?

[drums bang]

Okay, so it looks to me like you have

someone in a business suit doing window washing,

and then someone in the window washing outfit

doing the business person's work.

A little bit like a trading places situation.

Like a Dan Aykroyd, Eddie Murphy thing.

I feel like he's talking to a friend

about his experience.

So the question is how to express this idea.

What is he saying?

I'm ready to give it a shot, sure.

Are there standards of humor in the New Yorker?

Is it allowed to be lascivious or dirty or vulgar?

[Producer] I would have to know the example,

I guess, to see--

I guess we'll find out together.

[marker scratches]

The question in my mind is how did this situation arise?

And so what I came up with was,

That will teach this guy not to do drugs

with the blinds open.

With the thought being that the window washer

saw him doing drugs.

[drums bang]

Oh yeah, this is up my alley, at least.

What's he saying?

He's got a mechanical horse, and he's talking.

This horse, clearly not happy with the robot horse.

Well what joke would you tell?

It is up my alley cause I'm all about the fact that

technology's going to take our jobs.

[marker scratches]

[Andrew chuckles]

This is the caption I came up with.

It says,

I find the robot horse makes me feel more secure

about my manhood.

[production staff laughs]

It's a thinker.

[drums bang]

I really enjoyed it.

You get your creative juices flowing.

This is a blast.

I highly recommend it.

I've always loved comics.

It's a lost art form, so thank you New Yorker

for preserving such an important cultural language.

Look at that, I managed to make cartoons

seem really important.

That's the kind of person you need in the White House.

[Producer] All right.

[production staff laughs]

[Andrew laughs]