How To Write A New Yorker Cartoon Caption: Zach Galifianakis & Zoe Saldana Edition

Hi, I'm Zoe Saldana.

I'm Zach Galifianakis.

And today we're gonna write captions

for The New Yorker cartoons.

[Zach] What is that, a sea creature?

It's an eel.

It's an anaconda.

[Zach] My anaconda don't want none

unless you got buns hun.

[laughing]

[Both] My anaconda don't.

My anaconda don't.

Want none unless you got buns--

Got some buns.

Buns hun.

Oh, I don't rap. It's Sir Mix-a-Lot.

I'm so sorry guys.

Can we skip this one?

Zoe what do you think?

It's a man or a mannequin, cut in three parts,

going to see his doctor.

And the doctor is writing a prescription.

You're half the man you used to be.

No.

That doesn't quite work.

But if it's a mannequin though,

because you make a good point.

If it's a mannequin that it would be--

You don't really see decapitation like that.

[Zoe] Nothing.

A lot of mannequins are bald,

that's where I think it might be a real person.

[Zoe] Okay.

I see a check up, and I see the doctor saying

everything came back negative, you're good to go.

[Zoe laughing]

That's what I see.

My penmanship is weak.

[Zoe] So.

You're free to go.

You're free to go.

[Zach] Do we win anything?

So the test came back negative, you're free to go.

[drums]

[Zoe laughs]

I should buy an alarm clock.

I don't know why this is tough.

This one is a, so you made the band?

It looks like its her daughter though.

[Zach] Oh that's his daughter?

[Zoe] Yeah I think so.

Oh right, yeah there's a teddy bear.

Oh I thought it was...

Dad, do you have six arms?

[Zoe laughing]

So is the air con broken?

'Cause he's like fanning, no?

Ah! Ah!

Yeah.

Or um, dad, this is weird.

[laughing]

Dad, this is weird.

This one says, Dad, this is weird.

[drums]

[Zoe] Whoa.

Okay that's my grandmother,

this is me before I shave in the morning.

[Zoe laughing]

I love that you watch TV with your grandmother

before you shave in the morning, that's super awesome.

They're probably watching an infomercial.

I don't think it's the morning,

I think it's in the middle of the night.

Is that grass or is that weeds growing out, or hay?

Is this hair?

[Zoe] I think so.

So maybe they're watching a hair growing

commercial for baldness.

And she's saying...

I'm trying to...

Yeah.

No no I like the Propecia thing, and it's um...

Is Propecia a hair thing?

I like there's that Propecia product

you asked me to get you.

[Zach] Or we could go the opposite way--

How'd it go?

How'd it go?

Yes! There we go.

We landed on it.

Right? Yeah, good.

How do you spell Propecia?

[blows raspberries]

I wouldn't know, trust me.

[Zoe laughs]

P-R-O.

[Female] P-E-C-I-A.

Yeah just like it's spelled.

[laughing]

Okay.

Oh look honey, there's that Propecia product

you asked me to get you.

Did it work?

[drums]

Ooh.

[Zach] Ready?

[Zoe] I have one. Yes.

I'm gonna show it to you Zoe, to see if you like it.

[Zoe] Okay.

Not bad, right?

It's amazing.

This one might actually win.

This one may win, for the week.

[Zoe] It's really good.

You laugh but I breezed by in the TSA line.

[drums]

[Zoe] First time auditioning for The Apprentice.

[blows raspberries]

Whatever happened to the host of that show?

[Zoe laughing]

[Zoe] We're seeing two guys having a drink post labor.

I did it on purpose, I said it on purpose.

Post labor. [laughing]

Post labor day.

Post having a child.

And one of them has a tail.

Wait.

Or does he?

Or does he?

What's if it's excuse me, did I just sit on a leopard?

[laughing]

Right?

Did I just sit on your pussycat?

[Zach] Mmm, you're gonna add cat, right?

[laughing]

And it doesn't have to be a leopard.

But 'cause the leopard has spots, so let's choose another.

[Zoe] Yeah.

What kinda tail does that look like?

Let's say jaguar.

Right?

Yeah.

Okay Zach, do you wanna do the honors?

Excuse me, did I happen to sit on a jaguar?

[drums]

Ooooh.

Oh my god, I can't believe this is the cartoon.

So James, King James.

James tells me you're...

Like if King James set up one of his knights

on a blind date.

[Zoe] Yeah.

Are you excited for the kings, Jane?

[laughing]

[Zach] Okay, do you think they have a straw?

[laughing]

Do you think they have a straw?

Yeah.

Do you think they have a straw?

I like that.

Do you think they have a straw?

[drums]

Crap, I feel like I let Zach down.

I'm gonna stop reading The New Yorker.

[laughing]