The Pressure to Be Perfect

Before rehab, Demi Lovato spent all of her time and energy trying to live up to the huge expectations she’s set for herself. But like for so many girls, pretending everything was fine only made things worse.

She’d been struggling with depression since she was a kid, and later started cutting herself, starving herself, or bingeing and purging. As the pressure cooker of her life began to boil over, Demi returned to those destructive behaviors. She felt constant anxiety about looking thin, pretty and poised every time she stepped outside. It got so intense that she blew up and punched on of her dancers on tour.

Demi says, “I basically had a nervous breakdown. I was really bad off. My parents and manager pulled me aside and said, ‘You need to get some help.’ It was an intervention. I wanted freedom from the inner demons. I wanted to start my life over.”

Pick up the May issue of Seventeen for the rest of Demi’s story.

Seventeen teamed up with Yahoo for a survey, and found out:

• 74% of teen girls and young women feel the pressure to be “perfect.”
• 81% of teen girls feel overwhelmed by life.
• 35% of teen girls have been so depressed that they don’t want to hang out with friends.
• 15% of young women have physically hurt themselves on purpose.

“You build this checklist in your head of things they are and you’re not. Like, ‘she’s on the pom squad, she’s prettier,’ and you start trying to live up to that instead of doing your own things.”

"I live with two of the most beautiful girls in the world, and I'm constantly surrounded by funny, confident, beautiful people, so it is difficult not to feel overshadowed sometimes. But I try to be comfortable with myself, and accept myself for all the good things that I am, rather than what I'm not. I can't change, or make myself more like the people around me, but I can become the best version of myself I can be, and that's all I can ask of me, and it should be enough."

"I've struggled with my weight my whole life. People say I'm skinny, but I know I'm not. I know they are just trying to be good friends. It always is hard to look at other girls and think: 'I wish I could fit into those pants or that shirt.'"

"I worry a lot about what people think of me and I think that stems from me wanting to live up to their expectations. It seems like everyone is under the impression that I have everything all together, like I just get perfect grades and don't worry about anything. But in reality, I worry just as much as everyone else."

"I always feel that because I am not the thinnest or prettiest person that I have to really excel academically. I'm a senior in high school and every day I am sleep deprived and it's hard to pay attention, especially in the fall when I'm playing varsity tennis on top of everything else. Life for teenagers is more demanding than many people think."

“When I started high school, I was frozen with fear of failure. Whenever I thought I wasn’t going to get an A+, my breath would become short and I’d get light-headed.”

"One night, I took a brief break from studying to get a snack. The next thing I knew, I fell onto the counter. My dad said I was staring into space while he was talking to me. I was so tired that I had blacked out! He was so worried that he wanted to take me to the ER, but I said, 'No way. I have more studying to do.'"

"There is always this pressure to be skinny, to get good grades, and to get invited to the best party possible. All these components sometimes makes it hard to go to school without feeling like it's a chore. Especially this year, the pressure really got to me. The college process is one stressful ordeal. I always felt like I needed to get the best grades possible all the time and that I had to compete with all my other classmates. The week leading up to the decision date was the worst: I could barely breathe, sleep, or eat, and I started to have numerous anxiety attacks."

"When I was younger, I was very concerned about my image and what other people thought of me. Being 'cool' was a priority. But now I outgrew those shallow ways, and today I am confident to make decisions without being influenced by others. I choose friends who have goals and dreams similar to mine."

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