Dear Miss Manners: Can you tell me what "cocktail attire" means? Can you wear a fancy pantsuit? Can a man wear a sport jacket and slacks?
The two-hour, stand-up drinking party of the past was dressy — as dressy as one can get without violating the rule against wearing long dresses and dinner jackets, because those are evening clothes and these parties began in the late afternoon. Ladies wore their fanciest short dresses, sometimes with tiny, frivolous hats. Gentlemen wore dark suits and, of course, ties.
But Miss Manners doubts that this is what is meant in any invitations you may receive now. Rather, she supposes that the hosts are pleading for some small effort on the part of their guests.
Whether your specific suggestions qualify, she cannot say; standards vary in different locations and social circles, and you can always ask your hosts. But it is safe to say that your attire should be as far as your closet will take you from the pandemic uniform of sweatpants, elastic waistbands and those raggedy bunny slippers.
Dear Miss Manners: My daughter was supposed to get married in November 2020 and had sent out "save the date" cards in advance. When it became apparent because of the pandemic that she wouldn't be getting married then, she sent cards asking people to save Aug. 15, 2021. But when April rolled around, she decided that the health situation was still too uncertain to get married in August, so she sent "wedding postponed" cards without any specific date.
At this point, she is planning on getting married in August of 2022.
Over this period, my daughter lost touch with a few of the friends to whom she had sent the initial "save the date" cards. They were friends from a job she left over three years ago. Can we not send invitations to those people with whom she has lost touch? Since they have not been in contact since before the pandemic, she no longer feels they are friends worthy of attending her wedding.
Worthy? Oh, please.
The rule is that anyone who has received a request to save a certain date must be invited to the wedding. But Miss Manners is wondering if there ought not be a statute of limitations. People who have received three directives over the course of two years are probably not on edge waiting for another.
Still, there is no such statute as yet, so invite them. Chances are they are no longer interested — perhaps on the reciprocal grounds that your daughter is not worthy.
Dear Miss Manners: Do you prefer "gift" or "present" when referring to those items exchanged between friends or family at Christmas?
“Present.” Blame Nancy Mitford.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
2021, by Judith Martin
